Wordgag ツ

Commentary:
"Ah, the struggle of having a mind that operates at the speed of light while others seem stuck in slow motion. It's like trying to process a whole buffet of nonsense in one bite – a true test of mental digestion!"

humor, just, listening, me, process, stupidity, time, wit

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79 shares on Reddit this month:

I wrote a book. It’s a murder mystery. You’re in it but only for the first couple of chapters.

55 shares on LinkedIn this month:

My love language is deader than Latin.

38 shares on Pinterest this month:

Friends with consequences.

44 shares on Telegram this month:

Driving between speed cameras is called intermittent fasting.

66 shares on Facebook this month:

Don’t interrupt me while I’m embarrassing myself.

35 shares on Threads this month:

I can’t do the splits. But so far there has never been a situation where I’ve thought, “I should do the splits now.”

68 shares on Facebook this month:

A storm knows it’s laced with destruction, and yet it rages on.

30 shares on Telegram this month:

Time travel is all well and good, but I feel so stupid right now. None of them have the mustache. No way to tell which baby is Hitler.

71 shares on Slack this month:

Feeling melancholy. Think I’ll have a drink and make things much worse.

50 shares on Twitch this month:

Mr. Mixed Signals decided he likes me today.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇩🇯 has downloaded:

I feel sorry for dogs. They learnt to fetch newspapers, but newspapers are dying. Killed by an internet driven by cats.

Someone from 🇶🇦 has bookmarked:

I’ve used dark mode so much that I’m physically repulsed by white screens now.

Someone from 🇰🇬 has copied:

Good morning to everyone who still believes what they see with their own two eyes.

Someone from 🇲🇻 has downloaded:

Being an adult means your pain never goes away, it just migrates to a new location in your body.

Someone from 🇭🇷 has copied:

Why trust atoms? Because they’ve never been caught fibbing, just fission.

Someone from 🇬🇳 has viewed:

“There’s a reason religion tells you your reward is after death; it keeps you quiet while you’re being exploited alive.”

Someone from 🇫🇷 has copied:

The lion does not concern himself at all. The lion is depressed.

Someone from 🇿🇦 has copied:

My life is constantly oscillating between “must save money” and “you only live once”.

Someone from 🇱🇰 has shared:

Men be like “I hate drama,” and then have love triangles, secret babies, a wife, side chick, ex that’s still around, breadcrumbs, and unhealed trauma.

Someone from 🇸🇬 has downloaded:

The problem with expensive things is that you tend to want them.

Social Media Log 💫

Spotted on Threads:

Main difference between me and my jokes is that folks don’t laugh at my jokes.

Freshly posted on Instagram:

Holding back your sarcastic replies takes a lot of inner strength.

Making waves on Snapchat:

My superpower is embarrassing myself.

Breaking via Twitch:

I have a great poker face because I have no idea what’s going on.

Trending via Twitch:

The funniest thing about Batman is that he legitimately doesn’t give a shit about crime that happens during the day.

Broadcasted on Messenger:

We’re in the middle of a snowstorm with no cake in the house. I never expected to perish like this.

Seen just now on WhatsApp:

I hate overhead lighting – trying to mimic the holy sun should be considered sinful. The lamp is much better, mimicking the hearths of our forebears.

Spotted on Twitch:

I become someone I don’t recognize when I play Monopoly.

Shared recently on Telegram:

Accidentally wore a blue shirt to Walmart and now I’m in the stockroom showing Sue how to use the forklift.

Just landed via Snapchat:

I appreciate the interest, but I’m officially removing myself from the running to be the next James Bond. Thank you for your understanding.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

No, no, I’m listening, it just takes me some time to process so much stupidity all at once.

Weddings should have a worst man.

A big part of my job as a parent is moving things away from the edges of countertops.

I will never forget when my dad had a guy from Verizon call me in middle school to tell me that I was using more data than Obama and that I need to stop.

Imagine hating me, and I’m just over here pumping gas until the dollar amount ends with 0.

Sometimes I use big words I don’t always fully understand, in an effort to make myself sound more photosynthesis.

Don’t worry. You’re exactly where you should be in life. Because you’ve made horrible choices.

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Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

No, no, I’m listening, it just takes me some time to process so much stupidity all at once.

Keep the laugh going 😂

Weddings should have a worst man.

A big part of my job as a parent is moving things away from the edges of countertops.

I will never forget when my dad had a guy from Verizon call me in middle school to tell me that I was using more data than Obama and that I need to stop.

Imagine hating me, and I’m just over here pumping gas until the dollar amount ends with 0.

Sometimes I use big words I don’t always fully understand, in an effort to make myself sound more photosynthesis.

Don’t worry. You’re exactly where you should be in life. Because you’ve made horrible choices.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨