Trendy Funny Quotes

  • Tried to pull off a smokey eye, ended up looking like I went three rounds with McGregor.
  • A Twitter swear jar could end world hunger.
  • I bought a watermelon and all I can think about is filling it with vodka.
  • Was complaining to my mom about my daughter’s attitude and she told me I should’ve named her payback.
  • The most important thing I learned in life, and I can’t stress enough, it doesn’t matter where you went to college. The only thing that matters is that you’re really hot.
  • Ok, new plan, I’m gonna marry a Kardashian.