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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇧🇾 has downloaded:

I’ve never seen anything sadder than me in a black cape under the salon lights with wet hair parted incorrectly by a solid inch.

Someone from 🇮🇩 has shared:

I grew up ugly, so I had to be funny, and then got hot in my twenties, so that’s how I became perfect.

Someone from 🇳🇷 has downloaded:

Just blocked a guy for accusing me of being “all talk”. On Twitter.

Someone from 🇨🇫 has viewed:

So many people these days are too judgmental. I can tell just by looking at them.

Someone from 🇸🇬 has shared:

I once made a joke to a coworker, and she said, “It was the funniest thing I ever said,” and suggested I post it. It got 10 likes.

Someone from 🇨🇱 has downloaded:

Your Starbucks order leads me to believe that you’re very difficult to deal with.

Someone from 🇸🇻 has viewed:

“I can’t wait to go back to bed tonight!” Me, 5 minutes after waking up.

Someone from 🇷🇺 has shared:

Vegans will look you dead in the eye and tell you cauliflower tastes like ribs.

Someone from 🇲🇩 has shared:

Just because you can connect to your neighbor’s bluetooth speaker and play ghost noises doesn’t mean you should.

Someone from 🇹🇻 has bookmarked:

I always carry a knife with me in case I run into someone with 10,000 spoons.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

237 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,506

Funny Quotes Topics

17,571

Funny Quotes Images

15,506

Jan 6, 2026

3,615

Social Media Log 💫

Shared recently on Threads:

Never let your job prevent you from acting unemployed.

Spreading quickly via Facebook:

Does anyone know the password to my work computer? Or how to do my job?

Spreading quickly via Telegram:

Who you are when you’re stuck behind a slow driver is the real you.

Seen just now on Slack:

Got my mind on my money and my money is nowhere to be found.

Trending via Facebook:

It turns out, as you get older, you don’t actually figure anything out; you just don’t have any energy to care anymore.

Trending via Reddit:

I’m not an early bird or a night owl, I’m some sort of permanently exhausted pigeon.

Freshly posted on Slack:

The answer is a cabin in the woods, by the way.

Making waves on Threads:

I just got lied to by 3K+ people. That recipe was awful.

Seen just now on Slack:

Blowing kisses to my coworkers so that nobody talks to me today.

Broadcasted on Reddit:

Unfortunately, I will continue to get sexier and funnier.

Nobody seems more shocked, disappointed and dismayed than the person behind the post office counter when I arrive and say I’ve got something to post.

2 months ago

0

Nobody seems more shocked, disappointed and dismayed than the person behind the post office counter when I arrive and say I’ve got something to post.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
💌 When I show up at the post office, it's like I've just announced a major plot twist in a telenovela! The look of shock on the post office worker's face is truly priceless. I mean, who knew mailing a package could cause such a commotion? 😂 #PostOfficeDrama #SurpriseDelivery

counter, disappointed, dismayed, i, nobody, office, person, post, post office, say, shocked, something

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Job interview: Where do you see yourself in five years? Me: Hopefully on a sabbatical.

0

2 months ago

aspirations, career, five, humor, interview, job, job interview, life, me, procrastination, sabbatical, where, work, work life, yourself
I highly recommend having hobbies. It distracts you from things like falling in love.

0

6 months ago

distraction, falling, falling in love, having, hobby, humor, i, love, recommend, recommendation, things
I don’t always whoop, but when I do, there it is.

0

2 months ago

always, catchphrase, expression, humor, i, surprise, whoop
I took the first step towards cleaning out my closet today. I went in there and looked it over good.

0

2 months ago

cleaning, closet, first step, good, humor, i, organization, over, procrastination, self-improvement, step, today
All I think about is death and sex.

0

4 weeks ago

dark, dark humor, death, humor, i, mind, obsession, sex, think, thought
Imagine the sound a centipede would make if they wore tiny flip flops.

0

2 months ago

centipede, flip, flip flop, flop, footwear, humor, imagination, imagine, sound, tiny

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

61 shares on TikTok this month:

I love being wrong, it’s just like being right except easier and I get to be stupid, which is my favorite thing.

67 shares on Facebook this month:

The phone is the most evil screen. The computer is somewhat evil, but less so than the phone. The TV is benevolent.

43 shares on LinkedIn this month:

I always thought orthopaedic shoes were overrated, but I stand corrected.

93 shares on Messenger this month:

You ever met someone so dumb you gotta take a deep breath before responding to them?

15 shares on Messenger this month:

People will think you know what you’re talking about if you give your opinion while cleaning a pair of reading glasses.

17 shares on Telegram this month:

I see stand-up comedy as a stepping stone to television. A few more paid gigs and I’ll be able to afford a television.

87 shares on WeChat this month:

Adult life sucks. Friends don’t even ask to see how fast you can run in your new shoes anymore.

87 shares on Threads this month:

There is no reason to be a people pleaser. People are never pleased.

12 shares on Discord this month:

Befuddlingly, a palm tree won’t fit in your hand.

80 shares on LinkedIn this month:

If it walks like a duck and talks like a duck, you’re drunk. Ducks don’t talk.

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

25 folks are currently checking 👀

Sorry that I cannot come out drinking with you tonight, as I will be drinking at home. Alone. By myself.

14 folks are currently checking 👀

I’m sorry you had a bad experience at our restaurant. To make it up to you, here is a coupon for more of our terrible, terrible food.

12 folks are currently checking 👀

To my beloved wife, I leave my circus and my monkeys.

8 folks are currently checking 👀

Even worse than a spider is a spider that just disappeared.

21 folks are currently checking 👀

I don’t always leave the house, but when I do, I shouldn’t.

12 folks are currently checking 👀

Sorry I’m late, my dog was sleeping in the shape of a donut and I had to take so many photos.

10 folks are currently checking 👀

Weddings should have a worst man.

20 folks are currently checking 👀

I eat cake every day because somewhere out there it’s someone’s birthday and I like to celebrate.

7 folks are currently checking 👀

Homeless man just called me a “loser,” and I showed him my house keys.

9 folks are currently checking 👀

The first step is admitting that the other person is the one with the problem.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

237 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,506

Funny Quotes Topics

17,571

Funny Quotes Images

15,506

Updated

Jan 6, 2026

Users Online

3,553

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇵🇰 has copied:

Cause of death: Trying to draw eyebrows on the neighbor’s cat.

Someone from 🇵🇭 has bookmarked:

Anyone who says there are no stupid questions is welcome to drop by my office. My colleagues will prove you wrong.

Someone from 🇵🇼 has copied:

I won’t bore you with my problems because all of my problems are fascinating.

Someone from 🇲🇪 has downloaded:

Me every time I wake up: Oh no, not again!

Someone from 🇷🇼 has viewed:

Centaurs can’t wipe their asses.

Someone from 🇱🇮 has viewed:

I need a room full of mirrors, so I can be surrounded by losers.

Someone from 🇰🇳 has viewed:

If you think I’m evil, wait until you meet the man who made me this way.

Someone from 🇯🇵 has shared:

Olympic gymnast: does the most amazing thing I have ever seen in my entire life. Announcer: Oh dear, that will be a point deduction.

Someone from 🇵🇦 has downloaded:

Sunday is proof that time travel exists, because it was just Friday.

Someone from 🇧🇳 has copied:

I’ve started taking a brisk walk straight after dinner and it’s saving me an absolute fortune on restaurant bills.

Social Media Log 💫

Trending via Telegram:

“I have a date with destiny.” Yeah well, I’m in a long-term relationship with the consequences of my actions.

Going viral on Instagram:

I shaved my legs today and it was the fastest 3lbs I’ve ever lost in my life.

Going viral on Discord:

Shoutout to coughing on the bus. Haven’t tried it myself but seems really popular.

Making waves on Twitch:

In your 20s, you’ll meet a short man. It’s very important you jump over him.

Going bananas on WhatsApp:

I’m not asking for a lot, I just want someone down to earth that’s gonna touch me all over like my shower curtain does.

Shared recently on WeChat:

20’s: what even is a hangover? 40’s: puts on sunglasses to open fridge…

Seen just now on Discord:

Mail is crazy because it’s like 99 pieces of straight up garbage and 1 that if you don’t reply to you’re going to jail.

Breaking via LinkedIn:

All of my passwords are protected by short-term memory loss.

Spotted on Pinterest:

I had a marvelous time ruining everything.

Going viral on WeChat:

Trust me; this is the second millennium I’ve lived in.

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