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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇮🇱 has downloaded:

You don’t scare me, you’re not my kid noticing her sibling got a bigger slice of cake.

Someone from 🇹🇼 has bookmarked:

I took the road less traveled. Where am I?

Someone from 🇵🇭 has viewed:

Told someone I’m as “single as a pringle and as neato as a dorito” and they blocked me immediately.

Someone from 🇱🇮 has shared:

And to my grandchildren, I leave my unread PDFs.

Someone from 🇵🇪 has viewed:

I try to shoot all of my garbage into outer space, but usually it just lands in my neighbor’s backyard.

Someone from 🇬🇼 has viewed:

The IRS needs special envelopes for when you’re not in trouble.

Someone from 🇩🇴 has viewed:

My yoga instructor was drunk today. Put me in a very awkward position.

Someone from 🇸🇧 has viewed:

Immediately de-escalating an international conflict by posting an angry looking selfie with the caption “Come on, guys.”

Someone from 🇹🇴 has shared:

Insanity runs in my family. It practically gallops.

Someone from 🇲🇬 has downloaded:

“You’re so chill.” Thanks, I gave up.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

105 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,374

Funny Quotes Topics

17,485

Funny Quotes Images

15,374

Jan 2, 2026

3,552

Social Media Log 💫

Seen just now on Facebook:

Sometimes I feel useless, but then I remember I breathe out carbon dioxide for plants.

Shared recently on Threads:

On Twitter, you will always find someone who is tweeting your thoughts but with better grammar.

Shared recently on Instagram:

Common sense is like deodorant. The people who need it most never use it.

Shared recently on Twitch:

Having a cat is like having a roommate that doesn’t want to hang out and never intends on being friends.

Just shared via Pinterest:

Not wearing glasses anymore, I’ve seen enough.

Shared recently on Slack:

I don’t know when people started calling hot dogs ‘glizzys,’ but I hate it, and you all need to stop immediately.

Freshly posted on Twitch:

I would prefer not to.

Just shared via Slack:

I thought Game of Thrones was a pooping contest for men.

Spotted on Telegram:

Peeling a sweaty sports bra off counts as aerobic exercise, right?

Trending via TikTok:

Your honor, I was under the impression it was hammer time.

Nobody seems more shocked, disappointed and dismayed than the person behind the post office counter when I arrive and say I’ve got something to post.

2 months ago

0

Nobody seems more shocked, disappointed and dismayed than the person behind the post office counter when I arrive and say I’ve got something to post.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
💌 When I show up at the post office, it's like I've just announced a major plot twist in a telenovela! The look of shock on the post office worker's face is truly priceless. I mean, who knew mailing a package could cause such a commotion? 😂 #PostOfficeDrama #SurpriseDelivery

counter, disappointed, dismayed, i, nobody, office, person, post, post office, say, shocked, something

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

If I was a Spice Girl I would be Mild to Medium Spice.

0

2 months ago

food, girl, humor, i, medium, Medium Spice, mild, Mild Spice, personality, playfulness, spice, Spice Girl
Having a girlfriend is insane because you can literally go to touch them, and they will let you.

0

3 months ago

affection, dating, girlfriend, having, humor, insane, insanity, let, literally, relationship, touch
I remember when I was broke… I’m still broke, that’s why I remember so well.

0

2 months ago

broke, financial, financial struggle, humor, i, joke, memory, money, remember, self-deprecating, self-deprecating humor, still, struggle, well, why
If I was a fish, I’d be smoking all the seaweed.

0

4 weeks ago

fish, humor, i, ID, pun, seaweed, smoking
Perks of being ugly: phone battery lasts longer.

0

2 months ago

appearance, battery, dating, humor, joke, perks, phone, self-deprecation, ugly
I wanted to wear some hot lingerie, but didn’t have any, so I put on this red dental floss.

0

6 months ago

clothing, dental, dental floss, fashion, floss, hot, humor, i, joke, lingerie, put, red, wanted, wear

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

71 shares on Twitch this month:

That awkward moment when everything is going so perfectly… and then you wake up.

45 shares on Messenger this month:

When did making sense stop making sense?

83 shares on TikTok this month:

I let my cat smell every wine I drink so she can get a job as a sommelier and help pay my rent.

38 shares on YouTube this month:

I read somewhere on the internet that 87% of what you read on the internet isn’t true, and I believe it.

96 shares on Facebook this month:

“I’m gonna sneak past you.” No you’re not. You’ve alerted me.

78 shares on X this month:

Hey, I’ve been thinking, and I think you should think for me.

99 shares on Slack this month:

I hated rats even before my girlfriend left me for one.

42 shares on Threads this month:

One of the main reasons to drink tea is because you can say, ‘Let me put the kettle on,’ and stuff like that.

38 shares on TikTok this month:

I just want what every middle-aged person wants: to remember what it was that I wanted.

76 shares on Slack this month:

Three words no parent ever wants to hear when dropping their kid at a play date: “Come on in.”

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

6 folks are currently checking 👀

Satan: “I’d tell you to go to Hell, but I work there and don’t wanna see you everyday.”

24 folks are currently checking 👀

I changed my password to ‘incorrect’ so whenever I forget it, the computer tells me it’s incorrect, and I’m like, ‘Wow, you didn’t have to be so rude about it.’

15 folks are currently checking 👀

My trauma is between me and this bartender. The rest of you, mind your business.

11 folks are currently checking 👀

Fun fact: a person’s music taste can actually tell their intelligence level.

6 folks are currently checking 👀

Breaking: man who liked me first no longer likes me.

7 folks are currently checking 👀

Your honor, I was under the impression it was hammer time.

21 folks are currently checking 👀

I don’t get it when people say they are only a “little” angry, I am either not mad or will kill you.

24 folks are currently checking 👀

Ugh, sometimes I just wish there was a song about liking to move it, move it.

20 folks are currently checking 👀

“I’m not even close to how crazy I’m legally entitled to be.”

16 folks are currently checking 👀

Be bold, be italic, but never regular.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

105 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,374

Funny Quotes Topics

17,485

Funny Quotes Images

15,374

Updated

Jan 2, 2026

Users Online

3,399

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇱🇺 has shared:

I keep screenshots the way my husband keeps old cords, stored neatly away until the day I might need them.

Someone from 🇲🇼 has shared:

Nobody can ragebait as successfully as your own mother can.

Someone from 🇧🇴 has copied:

When my husband says, “Let me ask my wife,” he’s just using me as an excuse to get out of whatever you’re asking him to do.

Someone from 🇵🇼 has viewed:

I’m having an orange, and the dogs keep looking at me like, “stop eating that ball, dude.”

Someone from 🇳🇱 has shared:

They should invent going outside without people looking at you.

Someone from 🇸🇲 has copied:

Having your own apartment by yourself is so funny, cause I really just swept the whole place naked.

Someone from 🇷🇸 has copied:

Yes, I’m full of microplastics, but it’s actually been helpful. It’s given me superpowers. I can communicate with Tupperware.

Someone from 🇬🇲 has copied:

It sure is strange that after Tuesday the rest of the week spells WTF.

Someone from 🇺🇾 has shared:

“Do something with your life.” Um, I am. Have you heard of a little thing called squandering?

Someone from 🇻🇺 has bookmarked:

If you haven’t tried blindfold archery, you should give it a go. You don’t know what you’re missing.

Social Media Log 💫

Shared recently on YouTube:

What a time to be alive! (Derogatory)

Just landed via Snapchat:

Live, laugh, lie to the doctor about how many drinks you have per week.

Just landed via WeChat:

…and so ends another week of me not becoming unexpectedly rich.

Shared recently on Telegram:

Born to be a Jedi spinning a lightsaber, forced to work full-time and pay rent.

Just shared via Pinterest:

I may not understand women, but cheeseburgers have never sent me mixed signals, and for that they’ll always have my heart.

Spreading quickly via WhatsApp:

69% of people find something dirty in every sentence.

Broadcasted on X:

I never sit around waiting for anyone except for the pizza delivery guy.

Seen just now on X:

I wish I had a pair of skinny genes.

Trending via Reddit:

If small talk burned calories, maybe I’d consider it.

Just shared via TikTok:

Why are they called “grammar Nazis” and not “the Gestypo”?

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