Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇲🇬 has bookmarked:

Still can’t believe we have a federal holiday to celebrate the 1996 hit movie Independence Day.

Someone from 🇰🇼 has viewed:

Irregardless, for all intensive purposes, I could care less.

Someone from 🇵🇰 has shared:

The older I get, the easier it is for me to look at a situation and say: “Yeahhh, I’m out.”

Someone from 🇲🇱 has shared:

Landlord: I’m raising your rent. Me: Am I getting a bigger house?

Someone from 🇧🇧 has downloaded:

Your Honor, that doesn’t sound like me.

Someone from 🇹🇩 has viewed:

The older I get, the more I understand why roosters just scream to start their day.

Someone from 🇼🇸 has shared:

I like listening to music in languages I don’t speak because sometimes I just don’t wanna know what anybody is talking about.

Someone from 🇳🇦 has viewed:

Elections is like waiting for the results of a biopsy, except half your family hopes it’s cancer.

Someone from 🇩🇴 has copied:

Turns out, sitting on the porch, feeding birds and squirrels, is a pretty good treatment for depression.

Someone from 🇧🇯 has shared:

The masculine urge to hitch your pants up after making a minor decision.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

105 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,374

Funny Quotes Topics

17,485

Funny Quotes Images

15,374

Updated

Jan 2, 2026

Users Online

3,312

Social Media Log 💫

Spotted on X:

Has someone told the whales that they can’t sing?

Just shared via LinkedIn:

Does anyone know if there’s a career in being a piece of shit?

Breaking via Twitch:

The only thing I know about AI is, it desperately wants us to have more fingers.

Freshly posted on YouTube:

And so ends another week without me getting rich unexpectedly.

Freshly posted on WhatsApp:

Love how Batman: The Animated Series seems to take place in the 40s and the 50s and the 70s and the 90s all at once.

Trending via Telegram:

Dear Math, I don’t want to solve your problem, I have my own problems to solve.

Freshly posted on YouTube:

My summer body has been pending for about ten years.

Broadcasted on Discord:

Stretching isn’t enough. I need to be able to disassemble my body like Legos.

Seen just now on Reddit:

This time last night, there was a spider so big in my bathroom it put me under a glass on a postcard and carried me out.

Just landed via Messenger:

If you’re having a good day today, don’t play Wordle.

Of course I talk to myself. Sometimes I need expert advice.

2 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Who needs a therapist when you've got an expert like yourself on speed dial? 🤔💁‍♂️😂 #SelfTalkGoals"

advice, conversation, expert, humor, i, myself, need, self-talk, talk

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Does anyone have the number of the witch from Snow White? I need a few apples.

0

2 months ago

apples, fairy, fairy tale, humor, i, joke, need, number, request, snow, Snow White, tale, white, witch
Sorry, I wasn’t really listening but that’s awesome, unless it isn’t of course.

0

2 months ago

attention, awesome, context, conversation, course, humor, i, listening, sarcasm, sorry
Pursuing an academic career is like thinking the stripper loves you.

0

1 month ago

academic, academic career, career, comparison, humor, love, pursuit, stripper, thinking
If there’s one thing I’m good at, it’s being annoyed by stupidity.

0

2 months ago

annoyance, annoyed, being, frustration, good, humor, sarcasm, self-awareness, stupidity, thing, wit
Showers are the best places to lose arguments with yourself.

0

2 months ago

arguments, best, humor, introspection, lose, personal, personal reflection, places, reflection, self, showers, solitude, yourself
I’m drinking coffee so I don’t say mean things to you. You’re welcome.

0

2 months ago

coffee, drinking, humor, i, mean, mean things, sarcasm, say, self-control, things, welcome

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

81 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Viewing someone’s LinkedIn after they’ve viewed yours to assert dominance.

46 shares on WeChat this month:

Maybe if we paid our streaming services even more, they could stop jacking up the volume on the commercials they make us watch, even though we are paying for the service.

90 shares on Threads this month:

I will never forget when my dad had a guy from Verizon call me in middle school to tell me that I was using more data than Obama and that I need to stop.

77 shares on YouTube this month:

You should tell different people completely different things about yourself so that they then get into arguments when gossiping about you.

16 shares on Twitch this month:

I let my cat smell every wine I drink so she can get a job as a sommelier and help pay my rent.

40 shares on WeChat this month:

Clicking on a suspicious link at work just to feel something.

75 shares on Telegram this month:

If cats could send Christmas cards, they wouldn’t.

52 shares on Snapchat this month:

This year, the feliz is not navidading.

100 shares on Messenger this month:

Roses are red. Daisies are white. I’m in a grumpy mood. My underwear is too tight.

27 shares on Instagram this month:

Doctor said I am terminally chill.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇵🇭 has copied:

They should invent a “stay signed in” checkbox that isn’t meaningless.

Someone from 🇮🇩 has viewed:

Love Island is fun, but when is Job Island on?

Someone from 🇦🇿 has viewed:

Asked a German woman why Germany produced so many legendary physicists / mathematicians, and her response was basically, “Have you considered educating people who aren’t rich?”

Someone from 🇧🇫 has shared:

Walking that line between “The internet is great” and “The internet is a mistake” daily.

Someone from 🇿🇲 has shared:

I’m gonna start telling men I know a spot and it’s just me dropping them off at therapy.

Someone from 🇰🇭 has viewed:

What do you mean I never reach out? I literally thought about you.

Someone from 🇬🇾 has bookmarked:

They should let you spend one night in a house before you buy/rent it, just to make sure it’s haunted.

Someone from 🇵🇪 has shared:

As a sales clerk, you want to shout after some people as they leave the store: “Are you sure you’ve really REALLY touched everything?”

Someone from 🇬🇷 has bookmarked:

Being married means mostly shouting “What?” from other rooms.

Someone from 🇰🇼 has shared:

We do it every night. Annoy each other.

Social Media Log 💫

Spreading quickly via TikTok:

Me waking up: wow, I can’t wait to go to sleep tonight.

Spreading quickly via LinkedIn:

Slapping the TV remote on your knee extends the battery life. It’s science.

Freshly posted on Discord:

Imagine buying a new car, and some superhero throws it at an alien.

Spreading quickly via TikTok:

A wise man once said, “Bees don’t waste their time explaining to flies that honey is better than shit.”

Spotted on Discord:

For your own sanity, always take mixed signals as a no.

Just shared via Messenger:

Ladies, don’t date hungry guys. They’re just trying to get into your pantries.

Broadcasted on Threads:

Sometimes you have to sit back and imagine what life could be if it wasn’t a horrifying nightmare.

Freshly posted on Instagram:

I hate it when someone asks me what I did yesterday. I don’t know. Breathed a lot, probably got mad at something … sighed heavily. The list goes on.

Going viral on Pinterest:

The lion does not concern himself with the few small drops of pee that got on his boxers at the urinal even after he did a few shakes to be sure.

Spotted on Facebook:

Going viral on X is like winning a lotto during the apocalypse.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Of course I talk to myself. Sometimes I need expert advice.

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

Does anyone have the number of the witch from Snow White? I need a few apples.

Sorry, I wasn’t really listening but that’s awesome, unless it isn’t of course.

Pursuing an academic career is like thinking the stripper loves you.

If there’s one thing I’m good at, it’s being annoyed by stupidity.

Showers are the best places to lose arguments with yourself.

I’m drinking coffee so I don’t say mean things to you. You’re welcome.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨