Trendy Funny Quotes

  • My parents still haven’t apologized for making me ugly.
  • If your wife uses “I” it means she will be doing something. “We” means you will be.
  • My security system is just a bunch of my unpaid bills taped to my front door.
  • Expiration date? More like spoiler alert.
  • I would like to thank my arms for always being by my side, my legs for always supporting me, and my fingers, because I can always count on them.
  • No matter how old you are, an empty Christmas wrapping tube is still a fun thing to bonk someone over the head with.