Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇬🇭 has copied:

Taylor Swift’s prenup is about to be longer than any book Travis Kelce has ever read.

Someone from 🇵🇼 has downloaded:

Ruined a Ferrari guy’s day today by telling him that I loved his Corvette.

Someone from 🇹🇭 has shared:

The cinema vibe is my favorite, you literally forget about the world for like 2-3 hours.

Someone from 🇸🇴 has shared:

Can’t. Inventing new things to worry about.

Someone from 🇬🇼 has shared:

My husband said we need to start exercising and get into shape, so I’m going to wake up early tomorrow and start looking for a new husband.

Someone from 🇴🇲 has shared:

The day after Christmas is a dangerous morning to be a microwave.

Someone from 🇹🇹 has bookmarked:

Am I just getting older, or are people getting more annoying?

Someone from 🇧🇼 has bookmarked:

Toddlers are like puppies, they don’t care if they’re dirty and smelly and they both have an affinity exploring the trash bin.

Someone from 🇧🇦 has downloaded:

If I don’t text you saying Happy New Year, we still gang, I’m just lazy.

Someone from 🇪🇨 has bookmarked:

I can relate to God because it also takes me a full week to finish something that still kind of sucks.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

301 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,570

Funny Quotes Topics

17,628

Funny Quotes Images

15,570

Updated

Jan 12, 2026

Users Online

3,627

Social Media Log 💫

Seen just now on X:

Being a girl must be so easy. All you do is cry all day and text 10 different guys.

Spreading quickly via Discord:

I no longer need an alarm clock because I’m over 40 and have a bladder.

Trending via Pinterest:

Is there anyone here old enough to remember when typing was a class in high school?

Freshly posted on Twitch:

People will name their dog Steve and have two kids named Buddy and Rocket.

Shared recently on Slack:

Maturing is when you’d rather drink your bourbon half-naked on the couch than go out.

Seen just now on Twitch:

I believe in you. I also believe in Bigfoot so don’t get too excited.

Just shared via Facebook:

I dreamed I won the lottery, so you can imagine how thrilled I was to wake up and get ready for work.

Seen just now on Discord:

Who called it a period tracker instead of a madvent calendar?

Shared recently on X:

Accidentally used my real personality at work today… heading to HR now.

Freshly posted on WeChat:

Life is a highway: Too many cars, not enough bathrooms.

Showing my barber a picture of a dinosaur.

11 hours ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
When your haircut goals are a bit extinct 😂🦖✂️

barber, dinosaur, haircut, humor, joke, picture, showing

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Time to put the stressful screen away (phone) and switch to the comfort screen (Kindle).

2 months ago

away, comfort, detox, digital, digital detox, humor, Kindle, phone, put, reading, relaxation, relief, screen, stress, stress relief, switch, time
I’m accused of being a plagiarist. Their words, not mine.

2 months ago

accusation, being, humor, irony, plagiarist, wit, words
You live in a great city when you get pooped on by a seagull instead of a pigeon.

2 months ago

anecdote, city, funny observation, great, humor, life, live, nature, observation, pigeon, seagull, urban, urban life, wildlife
I feel like smashing my phone would be cathartic.

1 week ago

catharsis, emotional, emotional release, feel, frustration, humor, i, impulse, phone, release, relief, smashing, stress, stress relief, technology
Sex so good, my left hand is making my right hand a sandwich.

2 months ago

adult, comedy, double, double entendre, entendre, good, hand, humor, innuendo, joke, left, making, masturbation, playful, right, sandwich, sex
Due to foreseen circumstances well within my control I will be late.

3 months ago

circumstance, circumstances, control, excuse, humor, i, irony, late, procrastination, well

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

31 shares on Pinterest this month:

I don’t like being asked “are you at home?” Please expand further so I can know whether I’m at home or not.

29 shares on Threads this month:

Sunsets and women are undoubtedly God’s best creations.

91 shares on Messenger this month:

I’m only an introvert until I meet people worth extroverting with.

38 shares on Reddit this month:

How are there low birth rates when everyone here is a big baby?

98 shares on Reddit this month:

I’m actually really fun once you get to know me (takes 3-4 years).

25 shares on Facebook this month:

364 days until Christmas, and people already have decorations up. Unbelievable.

58 shares on Instagram this month:

Having someone sing you to sleep is so comforting, until you realize you are the only one in the room.

96 shares on Discord this month:

First date idea: we deactivate your Instagram.

79 shares on Threads this month:

The worst part of coming out of a hyperfixation is sobering up and looking at all the merch you bought that you didn’t need.

59 shares on Facebook this month:

Three words no parent ever wants to hear when dropping their kid at a play date: “Come on in.”

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇸🇿 has viewed:

Do men know they don’t have to keep their clothing until it disintegrates?

Someone from 🇭🇷 has downloaded:

If he has other girls who make him smile, be different and make him cry.

Someone from 🇿🇼 has shared:

If the Beatles were just 4 lads from Liverpool, imagine what 400 lads from Liverpool would sound like. But y’all aren’t ready for that conversation.

Someone from 🇩🇪 has viewed:

I passed my genetic engineering exam with flying koalas.

Someone from 🇧🇩 has shared:

If I wore a mood ring, it would probably explode immediately.

Someone from 🇲🇬 has shared:

Texas Chain Saw Massacre is full of plot holes. What happens to the victims when they die? Is there an afterlife?

Someone from 🇧🇬 has downloaded:

Therapy is basically me saying, “I did a thing,” and my therapist saying, “Yay, good job!”

Someone from 🇺🇾 has downloaded:

If I text you an accordion emoji, it means you better start acting accordingly.

Someone from 🇧🇬 has copied:

Cats clean themselves with their little fish breath mouths, but somehow they always smell like laundry detergent, vanilla, and happiness.

Someone from 🇳🇿 has viewed:

Waking up early is always beneficial. You just gotta make it past those first 10 minutes of being irritated.

Social Media Log 💫

Trending via Snapchat:

“You’ve changed.” Yeah, I watched a new movie.

Spreading quickly via Slack:

I love asking 5 different people for advice then doing what I want.

Making waves on Threads:

Every year I realize how dumb I was a year ago.

Trending via WeChat:

Tweeting shouldn’t cost money but it should flip you on your back like a bug for 15 minutes.

Freshly posted on WeChat:

Grape soda doesn’t taste at all like grapes, but it does taste like purple, and I don’t know how to explain that.

Spreading quickly via Telegram:

Karma has taught me to never laugh at a stranger being attacked by a seagull.

Breaking via TikTok:

The 70s, 80s, and 90s were the best decades – so many memories, no evidence.

Making waves on Threads:

My mind is like my web browser. 19 tabs are open, 3 are frozen and I have no idea where the music is coming from.

Trending via Telegram:

Let’s skip the getting-to-know-you phase. Just block me.

Going bananas on Snapchat:

Hold on, let me overthink this.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Showing my barber a picture of a dinosaur.

Related Funny Posts 🤝

Time to put the stressful screen away (phone) and switch to the comfort screen (Kindle).

I’m accused of being a plagiarist. Their words, not mine.

You live in a great city when you get pooped on by a seagull instead of a pigeon.

I feel like smashing my phone would be cathartic.

Sex so good, my left hand is making my right hand a sandwich.

Due to foreseen circumstances well within my control I will be late.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨