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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇬🇪 has downloaded:

My girlfriend confided in me she loves when I blow air on her when she’s hot, but honestly, I’m not a fan.

Someone from 🇳🇿 has bookmarked:

The only warning I take seriously these days is when my cell phone battery is low.

Someone from 🇵🇹 has copied:

Make it a habit to cry and act unhinged at meetings so you’re never invited back.

Someone from 🇳🇴 has bookmarked:

Can’t believe we used to throw eggs at houses, and now we can afford neither eggs nor houses.

Someone from 🇳🇷 has bookmarked:

Women love it when you approach them on the street and say “whoa, is there a hot babe convention in town?”

Someone from 🇮🇹 has bookmarked:

Forgetting to put jewelry and perfume on is literally the worst feeling.

Someone from 🇱🇾 has viewed:

Before ball parks were invented there was pretty much no way to give someone a rough estimate.

Someone from 🇦🇱 has copied:

I once made the irresponsible decision to drink and drive and now I have to live the rest of my days with a coffee stain on my favorite sweater.

Someone from 🇬🇳 has viewed:

Baby, no job is ever that serious for you to be a work snitch.

Someone from 🇬🇹 has copied:

You’ve never burned music to a CD, and it shows.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

531 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,124

Funny Quotes Topics

17,272

Funny Quotes Images

15,124

Updated

Dec 27, 2025

Users Online

3,922

Social Media Log 💫

Shared recently on X:

Need a professional way to say, “I do not care, don’t mention this to me again.”

Making waves on WhatsApp:

The second half of your life begins when you stop wanting to get even and start wanting to get odd.

Shared recently on Reddit:

I’m the person who requested weather reporters stand in the storms. I have no concept of wind or rain and love seeing needless suffering.

Trending via WeChat:

Americans saw water freeze at 0°C and said, “Let’s make that 32.”

Trending via Slack:

Welcome to middle age. Everything you encounter is either blurry or too loud now.

Making waves on Threads:

This family has a lot of nerve wearing all these clothes after I just did laundry.

Shared recently on Instagram:

In a relationship with my bedroom fan.

Live now on WhatsApp:

People who live in glass houses shouldn’t change clothes.

Just shared via Snapchat:

Roman soldiers are all like “I’m going to fight you in this short yet tasteful leather skirt.”

Trending via YouTube:

Elliott didn’t care about E.T. He just wanted a flying bike.

The first people who called chocolate a vegetable are the real heroes.

2 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Who needs salad when you've got chocolate vegetables? 🍫🥦 Talk about a sweet twist on nutrition! 😄👩‍🌾 #ChocoholicHeroes"

chocolate, comedy, food, humor, people, real, vegetable

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

The best way for me to stick to my diet is to go straight back to sleep after breakfast.

0

2 months ago

back, best, breakfast, diet, food, humor, lifestyle, me, procrastination, sleep, stick, straight
Life is a highway: Too many cars, not enough bathrooms.

0

2 months ago

bathroom, bathrooms, cars, convenience, frustration, highway, humor, life, travel
Ladies, if a man says he will fix something, he will. There is no need to remind him every 6 months about it.

0

2 months ago

commitment, fix, humor, lady, man, need, procrastination, relationship, reminder
If I let you into my life, I am either emotionally invested or you are a grilled cheese sandwich.

0

2 months ago

am, attachment, cheese, emotionally, emotions, food, grilled, grilled cheese, humor, i, investment, let, life, relationships, sandwich
I have a complicated relationship with push/pull doors.

0

2 months ago

awkward, awkward moment, complicated, confusion, door, doors, everyday, everyday life, humor, i, irony, life, moment, pull, pull door, push, push door, relationship
I used to judge cat owners for giving in to their pets’ whims too easily, but holy shit, these animals are relentless and would starve themselves to organ failure just because one time, weeks ago, they had a taste of some ‘better’ food.

0

5 months ago

ago, animal, animals, better, cat, cat owner, easily, failure, food, giving, holy, humor, i, judge, just, organ, organ failure, owner, pet, pets, shit, starve, stubborn, taste, time, too, used, weeks, whim

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎁🎅🎄 Christmas Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

28 shares on Messenger this month:

I just came across my wife’s Tinder profile and I’m so angry about her lies. She is not “fun to be around”.

76 shares on Messenger this month:

I am both dumber and smarter than you think. Do not estimate me.

80 shares on Snapchat this month:

Writing is so fun because you get to google things like “woman names”.

46 shares on WeChat this month:

I’ve got a soft heart and a savage mouth. I’m like a Hallmark card written by Gordon Ramsay.

85 shares on Twitch this month:

I’m implementing a new policy in my house: any child who is awake past bedtime can either go to sleep or clean the house, no exceptions.

40 shares on WhatsApp this month:

An orgasm before bed is nature’s strongest sleep aid.

15 shares on Snapchat this month:

Actually, you’re having a conversation with yourself. I’m just here so you don’t appear totally insane.

76 shares on Snapchat this month:

Getting excited to go to bed is a different level of adulting.

34 shares on Reddit this month:

Perfume and jewelry are two things you can never go wrong with gifting me.

16 shares on Snapchat this month:

If they’re called leggings, why is your stomach in there?

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇲🇻 has shared:

I’m always sad when my sandwich is over.

Someone from 🇲🇾 has bookmarked:

Me, when someone’s obsessed with me: Yikes! Me, when someone’s not obsessed with me: WTF?

Someone from 🇹🇩 has downloaded:

So far, every Miss Universe winner has been from Earth.

Someone from 🇳🇪 has bookmarked:

A sandwich has the power to change your entire life.

Someone from 🇬🇷 has viewed:

Blocking people isn’t enough. I need their favorite TV show to get cancelled.

Someone from 🇮🇸 has copied:

You’re no Sultan of Swing, buddy, you’re hardly a Governor of Groove.

Someone from 🇨🇻 has downloaded:

No thank you, I only like men who have no interest in me.

Someone from 🇦🇪 has downloaded:

My phone is on Do Not Disturb because I am disturbed enough as it is.

Someone from 🇵🇭 has shared:

I’m so single, I have no one to drunk text.

Someone from 🇩🇲 has viewed:

I get sad whenever they’re mean to Zoidberg in Futurama.

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via Facebook:

If liars’ pants really did catch on fire, watching the news would be a lot more fun.

Just shared via WhatsApp:

At the job interview with one AirPod in.

Seen just now on Messenger:

Airport beer at 6 a.m.? No problem. The airport is a lawless place that is free from judgment.

Spotted on Twitch:

Get off the internet and go sniff a flower.

Trending via Slack:

If paying a cashier a living wage will make prices go up, why doesn’t replacing cashiers with self-checkouts make prices go down?

Seen just now on Telegram:

I wonder what the part of my brain that used to store people’s phone numbers is doing now.

Making waves on Pinterest:

All I know for sure is that I could be wrong.

Spotted on Facebook:

Cloud 9 is a very high place to fall from.

Spotted on LinkedIn:

You ever got inside jokes with yourself, or is that schizophrenia?

Making waves on Instagram:

My yoga instructor was drunk today. Put me in a very awkward position.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

The first people who called chocolate a vegetable are the real heroes.

Related Funny Posts 🤝

The best way for me to stick to my diet is to go straight back to sleep after breakfast.

Life is a highway: Too many cars, not enough bathrooms.

Ladies, if a man says he will fix something, he will. There is no need to remind him every 6 months about it.

If I let you into my life, I am either emotionally invested or you are a grilled cheese sandwich.

I have a complicated relationship with push/pull doors.

I used to judge cat owners for giving in to their pets’ whims too easily, but holy shit, these animals are relentless and would starve themselves to organ failure just because one time, weeks ago, they had a taste of some ‘better’ food.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨