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10,000+ funny quotes

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Someone from 🇸🇴 has shared:

I saw The Blair Witch Project way too young and it made me afraid of projects.

Someone from 🇲🇳 has bookmarked:

My idea of housework is to sweep the room with a glance.

Someone from 🇷🇼 has copied:

I don’t think people are actually getting any dumber. I think stupid people have just become way more confident.

Someone from 🇹🇹 has downloaded:

Maybe Baby wants to be put in the corner.

Someone from 🇧🇮 has copied:

My ability to remember song lyrics from the ’90s far exceeds my ability to remember why I walked into the garage.

Someone from 🇸🇪 has bookmarked:

Shoutout to myself for ruining my own life.

Someone from 🇹🇿 has copied:

Can’t wait for the day off from work so I can sit on the couch at home and stare at the TV screen while thinking about work.

Someone from 🇻🇺 has bookmarked:

You’re acting up? Right before Santa Claus comes to town? Unbelievable.

Someone from 🇲🇲 has shared:

“There’s a reason religion tells you your reward is after death; it keeps you quiet while you’re being exploited alive.”

Someone from 🇸🇦 has bookmarked:

Before you just FaceTime me randomly, please don’t.

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Funny Quotes Total

15,752

Funny Quotes Topics

17,765

Funny Quotes Images

15,752

Updated

Jan 19, 2026

Users Online

3,529

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via Pinterest:

Friends with benefits, but it’s just that they make delicious baked goods.

Going bananas on Snapchat:

Waffles are just pancakes with convenient boxes to hold your syrup.

Spreading quickly via Discord:

Do married people watch Gen Z dating and feel like they caught the last chopper out of Nam?

Trending via Threads:

My milkshakes bring all the bots to the yard.

Breaking via Slack:

If you’re going to text your boss that you’re an hour late, make sure you end with, “I’m bringing you a ham and cheese croissant.”

Just landed via Discord:

It’s comical when I lean back in my chair only to realize it’s a stool.

Making waves on Instagram:

How dare my boss set up a meeting for the time I sneak off early?

Spotted on Telegram:

Those 8 hours at work go by quickly when you call off.

Shared recently on LinkedIn:

We literally used to write an essay by hand.

Broadcasted on Messenger:

Liking someone romantically is actually just a humiliation ritual.

The first people who called chocolate a vegetable are the real heroes.

3 months ago

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Commentary:
"Who needs salad when you've got chocolate vegetables? 🍫🥦 Talk about a sweet twist on nutrition! 😄👩‍🌾 #ChocoholicHeroes"

chocolate, comedy, food, humor, people, real, vegetable

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Social Media Stars ⭐

34 shares on Slack this month:

Some of you aren’t reading the room. Not even listening to the room on audiobook.

68 shares on Pinterest this month:

The only thing that could possibly put a smile on my face is a Sharpie.

68 shares on WeChat this month:

At the doctor’s office, booing all the names being called that aren’t mine.

52 shares on TikTok this month:

I just cleaned the house top to bottom, so now I’m gonna need everybody to stop living here.

98 shares on Instagram this month:

I’ve been saying for years that cigs are better for you than vapes, and the vindication I feel now is just orgasmic.

93 shares on LinkedIn this month:

The egg doesn’t swim to the sperm, girl. Never chase a man.

35 shares on Messenger this month:

Tried online dating, and it turns out my soulmate is a Nigerian prince who needs my bank details to escape his kingdom.

93 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Next time you think I am flirting with you, ask yourself if kindness is so rare in your life that you mistake it for desire.

90 shares on YouTube this month:

Probably the worst thing you can do when your wife gives you a disapproving look from across the room for being on your phone is finish typing this.

20 shares on Telegram this month:

Adulthood means trying to convince yourself that the font is just too small and that it isn’t your eyesight going bad.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇫🇲 has viewed:

If I were lost and all I had was a compass, I would still be lost.

Someone from 🇱🇻 has bookmarked:

The cashier said, “Have a good day,” but she doesn’t mean it.

Someone from 🇿🇲 has copied:

Roses are red, my name is not Dave, this makes no sense, microwave.

Someone from 🇧🇴 has viewed:

I take offense when people don’t invite me to events l’d like to turn down.

Someone from 🇲🇱 has shared:

I need to figure out what I’m going to wear to the couch on New Year’s Eve.

Someone from 🇬🇪 has viewed:

This football season, we need to bring back getting drunk and calling in to your team’s local radio show after the game. Such a lost art.

Someone from 🇸🇦 has bookmarked:

Best thing about TikTok is you literally don’t need to follow anyone to have a good time.

Someone from 🇬🇦 has downloaded:

When I die I want people to say “Hmm, I didn’t know you could die like that.”

Someone from 🇲🇽 has bookmarked:

Grant me the supernatural ability to change the things I cannot accept.

Someone from 🇪🇨 has copied:

Rich people go to parties. It’s what they do, and somehow we must all watch videos of it.

Social Media Log 💫

Seen just now on WhatsApp:

You live in a great city when you get pooped on by a seagull instead of a pigeon.

Spotted on LinkedIn:

The sole purpose of your child’s middle name… is so they know when they’re really in trouble.

Freshly posted on Telegram:

I knew school was a scam when my business teacher didn’t own a business, and my PE teacher was fat.

Going viral on Telegram:

When the grocery store moves the aisles around, you should be able to call the cops.

Just shared via Slack:

Men be like “I would do anything for you,” and then do nothing.

Making waves on Snapchat:

Breaking up is fine, but logging me out of your Netflix is crazy.

Just landed via Instagram:

I’m always best at the things I shouldn’t do.

Freshly posted on WhatsApp:

I’m in a comfy dress today, but I look like a potato in floral. Call me Nelly Flortato.

Seen just now on Reddit:

Nothing tastes as good as skinny feels.

Just shared via YouTube:

Automated phone system: To speak to a representative, please enter the first twelve digits of pi.

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Activity Log ✨

The first people who called chocolate a vegetable are the real heroes.

There is no ‘we’ in ‘food’.

Never quit, unless it’s too hard.

You feel me? Bro, I haven’t felt anything since the Scholastic Book Fair.

What doesn’t kill you, makes you stronger, but also a little grumpy.

You ever wake up in the morning and your first thought is ‘I can’t wait to go to bed tonight’?

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Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

The first people who called chocolate a vegetable are the real heroes.

Keep the laugh going 😂

There is no ‘we’ in ‘food’.

Never quit, unless it’s too hard.

You feel me? Bro, I haven’t felt anything since the Scholastic Book Fair.

What doesn’t kill you, makes you stronger, but also a little grumpy.

Don’t check on your introverted friends this time of year. They’re probably turning their lights off and pretending they’re not home.

You ever wake up in the morning and your first thought is ‘I can’t wait to go to bed tonight’?

Social Media Stars ⭐

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