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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇸🇨 has copied:

Two mysterious people live in my house. “Somebody” and “Nobody.” Somebody did it and nobody knows who.

Someone from 🇨🇻 has downloaded:

My husband pissed me off so I wrapped his remote and put it under the tree.

Someone from 🇨🇩 has copied:

Twitter when Franz Ferdinand got shot would have been the best day ever.

Someone from 🇭🇺 has bookmarked:

Genuinely nothing worse than going bowling with people who are actually good. Like, why are you doing all that?

Someone from 🇨🇷 has copied:

It’s almost time to put winter tires on the struggle bus.

Someone from 🇸🇰 has viewed:

Me, adding fuel to the fire: I’m just here to help.

Someone from 🇸🇹 has copied:

“Autism didn’t exist until recently!” Have you met old guys who work in hardware stores?

Someone from 🇻🇺 has viewed:

My husband is trying to convince me that we’re in a situationship. “The situation is that we live in the same house and love each other.”

Someone from 🇧🇹 has bookmarked:

It’s with a heavy heart and a deep sadness that I have to announce that I’m at work.

Someone from 🇬🇾 has copied:

If you turn your phone upside down, the stock market is actually doing quite well.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

219 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,488

Funny Quotes Topics

17,559

Funny Quotes Images

15,488

Updated

Jan 5, 2026

Users Online

3,435

Social Media Log 💫

Spreading quickly via Messenger:

Source? Divine intuition, gut instinct, and cryptic symbolism from my dreams.

Trending via WeChat:

Enjoy it now because you’re only going to get older and fatter.

Trending via WhatsApp:

Normalize arguing with plants who refuse to stay alive.

Seen just now on YouTube:

Establish dominance at work by drinking iced tea in a wine glass.

Going viral on WeChat:

Me: Please let me sleep! Brain: Nope, we have to stay up together and go over every bad life decision we have made so far.

Making waves on YouTube:

Normalize mouthing the lyrics to the song in your headphones in public.

Spotted on Pinterest:

Don’t let the British accent fool you. I’m not saying anything smart.

Spotted on TikTok:

Grocery shopping while hungry feels like online shopping while drunk.

Going bananas on Reddit:

The rain is pouring. So naturally it’s a good day to eat 6 donuts.

Broadcasted on Discord:

I love when certain people post their dating app convos, and you get to see what a conversation between two really boring people looks like.

The first person to see a peacock spread his tail probably had a heart attack.

2 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Can you imagine the surprise on their face? 😱 Talk about a feathered heart-stopper! 🦚💥 #peacockproblems"

attack, heart, heart attack, humor, nature, peacock, person, reaction, surprise, tail, wildlife

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

My co-workers found out when my birthday is so now I need to find a new job.

0

2 months ago

birthday, co-worker, coworkers, found, humor, i, job, need, new, new job, work, workplace
Life is so boring when you don’t have a package on the way.

0

2 months ago

anticipation, boring, delivery, excitement, life, online, online shopping, package, parcel, shopping, wait
Self-awareness is such a two-edged sword. Like, yay, I know myself better, but at what cost?

0

2 months ago

better, cost, humor, i, introspection, irony, know, knowing, myself, self-awareness, sword, two-edged, two-edged sword, yay
If you pretend you’re erasing the evidence of a murder while cleaning the bathroom, you’ll do a better job, and it actually becomes fun!

0

2 months ago

activity, actually, bathroom, better, cleaning, evidence, fun, fun activity, humor, job, motivation, murder, pretend, while
Gonna tell my dentist that if I’m late, he should start without me.

0

2 months ago

appointment, dental, dentist, humor, joke, late, me, should, start, tell
If someone else makes you a sandwich, it’s always better than if you do it yourself. It’s the same with sex.

0

2 months ago

activity, always, better, comparison, else, food, humor, relationship, same, sandwich, self, sex, someone, yourself

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

57 shares on Reddit this month:

I’m changing the game. I’m starting to thank people from the top of my heart.

39 shares on Pinterest this month:

Apparently, responding to a wedding invitation with “maybe next time” is wrong. I know that now.

41 shares on YouTube this month:

Just rolled a joint. Not to get high or anything. It was just my ankle.

35 shares on Threads this month:

If the zombie apocalypse happens we’re double screwed because there are millions on record as having no brain.

87 shares on X this month:

Those 8 hours at work go by quickly when you call off.

77 shares on LinkedIn this month:

I’m so hungry, I could eat a full-time job with health insurance.

19 shares on TikTok this month:

Hate it when my alarm goes off in the morning, and I’m still alive.

34 shares on Reddit this month:

Me leaving the house: I hope I don’t see anyone.

63 shares on Threads this month:

I relate to a rooster because I also want start off my day by screaming.

16 shares on WeChat this month:

To my beloved wife, I leave my circus and my monkeys.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇰🇪 has downloaded:

Coconut water taste like it’s been in someone else’s mouth.

Someone from 🇫🇯 has viewed:

I was actually a little too thankful yesterday so today I’m going to even it out with some ungratefulness and entitlement.

Someone from 🇸🇰 has bookmarked:

I came up with my passwords when I was 12, and never looked back.

Someone from 🇼🇸 has viewed:

Indiana Jones is a fantasy about being a professor with no admin duties.

Someone from 🇹🇳 has downloaded:

Counting calories is a great way to combine super fun things like math and not eating.

Someone from 🇸🇲 has viewed:

If we’re walking together, just know I’ll definitely bump into you because I can’t walk in a straight line.

Someone from 🇸🇬 has bookmarked:

Drugs do not ruin your career. Drug tests do.

Someone from 🇨🇺 has viewed:

I have so many mood swings, I’m basically a swing now.

Someone from 🇰🇼 has downloaded:

Summer is the best because there’s always a chance I’ll see someone trip on their own flip flop.

Someone from 🇲🇿 has shared:

True friends don’t judge each other, they judge other people… together.

Social Media Log 💫

Spotted on Threads:

Using a condom and still pulling out, call that two-factor authentication.

Making waves on Discord:

I’m a big believer in not going to work on your birthday!

Freshly posted on YouTube:

House sitting for friends while they’re out of town. Never knew my buddy kept a diary.

Spotted on TikTok:

I be like, “Who’s praying on my downfall?” as if I don’t make self-destructive life decisions.

Spotted on X:

Netflix and chi…cken nuggets.

Just landed via Reddit:

Having hoes in different area codes sounds really exhausting.

Live now on Telegram:

Just give your kids the iPad. They’re the ones who’ll be fighting cyborgs in the future.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

The first person to see a peacock spread his tail probably had a heart attack.

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

My co-workers found out when my birthday is so now I need to find a new job.

Life is so boring when you don’t have a package on the way.

Self-awareness is such a two-edged sword. Like, yay, I know myself better, but at what cost?

If you pretend you’re erasing the evidence of a murder while cleaning the bathroom, you’ll do a better job, and it actually becomes fun!

Gonna tell my dentist that if I’m late, he should start without me.

If someone else makes you a sandwich, it’s always better than if you do it yourself. It’s the same with sex.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨