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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇧🇹 has bookmarked:

I don’t have to take this abuse from you; I’ve got hundreds of people dying to abuse me.

Someone from 🇸🇿 has bookmarked:

They should invent crushes that like you back.

Someone from 🇻🇺 has downloaded:

There are no laws against pineapples on pizza.

Someone from 🇬🇳 has downloaded:

Don’t tell me what to do unless you are naked.

Someone from 🇬🇭 has viewed:

Sitting in an antique chair is weird, like this thing has seen so many butts.

Someone from 🇧🇮 has downloaded:

A big part of my job as a parent is moving things away from the edges of countertops.

Someone from 🇦🇫 has downloaded:

I think the key to happiness is having plenty of money and then telling all the poor people that money can’t buy happiness.

Someone from 🇰🇭 has shared:

Slapping the TV remote on your knee extends the battery life. It’s science.

Someone from 🇧🇳 has viewed:

I love how a film can be life-changing for one person and boring for another.

Someone from 🇩🇪 has copied:

Aliens: We are here to take over. Me: Thank God.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

240 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,509

Funny Quotes Topics

17,577

Funny Quotes Images

15,509

Updated

Jan 7, 2026

Users Online

3,494

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on WhatsApp:

I wish I was a cat, because the fatter you are, the more people like you.

Going bananas on TikTok:

The worst thing you can do while cleaning is sit down for a minute.

Seen just now on Reddit:

If you’re out shopping today, be nice to retail workers. It’s not their fault you waited until Marys waters broke before you started your shopping.

Live now on Messenger:

My boss told me to start every presentation with a joke. The first slide was my paycheck.

Shared recently on Reddit:

I missed out on drowning tragically young in a suburban swimming pool.

Just shared via X:

There’ll be a time someone will convince you to watch Game of Thrones. It is very important that you listen to them and watch.

Breaking via Slack:

I think, therefore I am. I am, therefore I think. Therefore I am. I think.

Just shared via WeChat:

The food hits different when it ain’t yours.

Spotted on Threads:

I wish that reading books in the park were my job, and I got paid six figures for it.

Trending via WhatsApp:

If only my bank balance was as high as my daily calorie intake.

The first person to see a peacock spread his tail probably had a heart attack.

2 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Can you imagine the surprise on their face? 😱 Talk about a feathered heart-stopper! 🦚💥 #peacockproblems"

attack, heart, heart attack, humor, nature, peacock, person, reaction, surprise, tail, wildlife

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Do you enjoy addiction, anxiety, and urinating? Then coffee may be the beverage for you.

0

2 months ago

addiction, anxiety, beverage, caffeine, coffee, enjoy, humor, sarcasm, urinating
Some days you’re the shit and some days you’re the fan.

0

2 months ago

day, days, downs, fan, humor, life, perspective, shit, ups, ups and downs
How I clean my room: 1. Start in one corner. 2. Find something from six years ago and stare at it nostalgically for five hours. 3. Go to bed.

0

2 months ago

1, 2, 3, ago, bed, bedtime, clean, cleaning, corner, distraction, five, hours, humor, i, memory, nostalgia, procrastination, room, six, something, stare, start, vintage
Being late to work should never be that serious. At least I came?

0

2 months ago

arrival, attitude, being, being late, came, humor, i, late, least, management, never, punctuality, serious, should, time, time management, work
As long as everything is exactly the way I want it, I’m totally flexible.

0

2 months ago

attitude, control, everything, expectations, flexibility, humor, i, irony, want
Socialism is like polio, it comes back when people forget about the horrible damage it did last time.

0

2 months ago

back, comedy, critique, damage, forget, horrible, humor, joke, last, people, polio, political, political critique, political joke, political satire, satire, socialism, time

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

67 shares on Facebook this month:

Sorry I’m late, traffic is exactly how it’s been every day for the past couple years, and I was not expecting that.

58 shares on Discord this month:

Most of my shoulder workout comes from shrugging when people ask me questions.

54 shares on Snapchat this month:

Do not take me to an escape room. I was a c-section. Someone is gonna have to come get me.

45 shares on Instagram this month:

Don’t interrupt me while I’m embarrassing myself.

20 shares on Snapchat this month:

Maybe in another life, I’m a spoiled nepo baby — jobless and doing nothing but shopping all day with my equally nepotised friends.

85 shares on Messenger this month:

If your wife uses “I” it means she will be doing something. “We” means you will be.

20 shares on WeChat this month:

Girls know how to flirt until it’s with someone they actually like.

42 shares on Reddit this month:

When I’m at a party, I pretend to be Pac-Man. I eat everything and run away from anyone coming close to me.

100 shares on WeChat this month:

Cursing after hitting oneself can reduce the pain by up to 50%.

92 shares on Threads this month:

Another beautiful day without using sin, tan and cos.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇭🇺 has copied:

My childhood led me to believe that as an adult I’d have to contend with truth serum, lava, quicksand, trap doors, and secret passageways. So far it’s mostly been weight gain and existential dread.

Someone from 🇸🇮 has bookmarked:

Welcome to Twitter, someone from an unhappy home will attend to you shortly.

Someone from 🇦🇹 has viewed:

After I get irritated, it takes me about 2 hours to fix my face.

Someone from 🇳🇱 has copied:

They won’t teach you this in school, but life is all about going to weird little diners.

Someone from 🇧🇼 has shared:

The trick is to be born in the right place and at the right time. If you mess that up, it gets tedious.

Someone from 🇹🇭 has copied:

Calm yourself, Lucifer. You did the right thing coming to me for advice.

Someone from 🇩🇪 has copied:

All the smart people at the office are worried about being replaced by A.I., but not me. I’m safe until they invent Artificial Stupidity.

Someone from 🇱🇺 has shared:

Getting mad when an app updates and changes their format is the new “rearranged grocery store” for me.

Someone from 🇨🇱 has downloaded:

The lion doesn’t concern itself with the contents of your prior email.

Someone from 🇵🇬 has bookmarked:

January-me would not believe the life I lived this year.

Social Media Log 💫

Breaking via Telegram:

Zelda was easier as a kid because if you hit a hard puzzle, you could just wait a few days for more brain matter to come in, but now it’s the opposite.

Making waves on YouTube:

Most of being a woman is just removing exclamation points from emails before you send them.

Broadcasted on Slack:

Outside letting mosquitoes get some of this.

Going viral on YouTube:

Maybe in another universe, I punched him in the face instead of staying quiet.

Seen just now on YouTube:

As long as everything is exactly the way I want it, I’m totally flexible.

Trending via Telegram:

Somebody should market a beer called “Occasionally”. So when asked, I can say, “I only drink occasionally”.

Trending via WhatsApp:

Not to brag, but I ate all of my bananas before they turned brown. Don’t be jealous.

Going viral on WhatsApp:

Marriage is just asking each other, “What do you want to do for dinner?” and then replying, “No, not that,” until death do us part.

Live now on LinkedIn:

FaceTiming me is for platinum members only.

Making waves on X:

I don’t argue anymore. I just agree and let the plot unfold.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

The first person to see a peacock spread his tail probably had a heart attack.

Related Funny Posts 🤝

Do you enjoy addiction, anxiety, and urinating? Then coffee may be the beverage for you.

Some days you’re the shit and some days you’re the fan.

How I clean my room: 1. Start in one corner. 2. Find something from six years ago and stare at it nostalgically for five hours. 3. Go to bed.

Being late to work should never be that serious. At least I came?

As long as everything is exactly the way I want it, I’m totally flexible.

Socialism is like polio, it comes back when people forget about the horrible damage it did last time.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨