The only thing preventing me from moving to Finland is the language barrier and a job.

76 shares on Facebook this month:

One of my favorite parts of grocery shopping is when somebody else does it for me.

12 shares on Twitch this month:

Doctors don’t really need to hit you with that rubber hammer, it’s just how they release a lil tension through the day.

33 shares on Messenger this month:

I don’t think we’ll ever see aliens. I bet that they’re just gathering information and waiting for us to destroy ourselves.

23 shares on Messenger this month:

I run a parody bank account.

29 shares on Messenger this month:

Toothpaste sure knows how to ruin whatever you’re drinking.

12 shares on YouTube this month:

I love when people say, “It is what it is,” like they just discovered stoicism.

76 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Hey, can I get an ETA on that “this too shall pass”?

80 shares on Telegram this month:

I kind of can’t wait for my generation to be bumping 90’s hip hop, rap, and heavy metal at the old folks’ homes.

69 shares on Messenger this month:

There are two quantities of popcorn: not enough and what have I done

67 shares on Instagram this month:

I love when people say, “In college, I wrote a paper on…” as if that holds any academic merit.