Trendy Funny Quotes

  • DUI stands for: don’t Uber, I got this.
  • The 5 seconds in the morning, when I don’t yet know who I am, is the best time of the day.
  • I’m just a girl standing in front of a cat who followed me to the bathroom.
  • Always remember, if you ever need me, I’m just several phone calls and unread texts away.
  • I need to know the brand of toothbrush my neighbor has. I hear it buzzing sometimes an hour at a time and she’s clearly enjoying it.
  • One day I’ll do amazing things. Today I’ll be satisfied if I don’t spill food on my lap.