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Commentary:
"Remember, the art of pretending comes in handy when your furry little alarm clock decides to do a surprise 'wake-up check' 🐶😴 Just nod and smile, folks! #MorningsAreRuff"

animal, awake, faking, humor, joke, pet, sleep, time

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Some people spend a fortune so they can circle the world. I drink some beer and the world circles around me.

1 month ago
beer, drink, drinking, fortune, fun, humor, me, people, perspective, relaxation, travel, world
Pouring rain, football on TV, empty house; the stuff dreams are made of.

4 weeks ago
activity, dream, dreams, empty, empty house, football, house, indoor, indoor activity, leisure, rain, relaxation, stuff, television, TV
Dating again after you break up with a long-term partner is like dying in a video game and ending up back at the start to do it all again, except with less health.

1 month ago
after, again, back, break, breakup, dating, dying, ending, except, game, health, humor, less, long-term, long-term relationship, partner, relationship, relationship struggle, restart, start, struggle, video, video game
My hobbies include trying to close the elevator doors before anyone else gets on.

1 month ago
anyone, before, close, competition, doors, elevator, else, hobby, humor, interaction, social, social interaction, trying, waiting
I wish people had mute buttons in real life.

1 month ago
annoyance, button, buttons, communication, etiquette, everyday, everyday life, humor, i, life, mute, mute button, people, real, sarcasm, social, social etiquette, wish
As highly as it’s esteemed, the Mayo Clinic still sounds like the place sick sandwiches go to get better.

1 month ago
better, clinic, humor, joke, mayo, place, sandwich, sick, sounds, still, wordplay

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

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Someone from 🇲🇲 has shared:

Sometimes I have to turn off the news and put on a true crime documentary, so I can relax.

Someone from 🇸🇴 has shared:

Nobody’s more stubborn than an Android person that won’t switch to iPhone.

Someone from 🇷🇼 has downloaded:

“Jump to Recipe” is the closest we’ll ever get to teleportation.

Someone from 🇩🇯 has copied:

Stopped using exclamation points in work messages so my coworkers know they’ve killed my spirit.

Someone from 🇱🇾 has downloaded:

Please stop calling 911 when you see me dancing. I’m fine!

Someone from 🇨🇬 has viewed:

“What’s love?” Grandma sliding money into my hand like a drug dealer. Yeah, man, that’s love.

Someone from 🇾🇪 has bookmarked:

I’m having people over to stare at their phones later, if you want to come by.

Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on Threads:

Yes, my sex drive is higher than my will to live, and what about it?

Just landed via X:

Women’s skincare is so confusing. Am I supposed to look shiny and sweaty, or matte like cement?

Freshly posted on Facebook:

Money will not leave you on read for 9 hours.

Freshly posted on Reddit:

I’m not sure how long my body can handle this “getting out of bed early in the morning” nonsense.

Just landed via Threads:

They should invent a job that actually wants to hire you after you apply.

Just landed via Pinterest:

That uncontrollable urge to hurt myself and others when a film’s subtitles are slightly out of sync.

Making waves on YouTube:

I know sacrifice. I’m willing to pluck a few extra hairs to get to the white ones.

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The only time you should be faking it is when your pet checks to see if you’re awake.

Some people spend a fortune so they can circle the world. I drink some beer and the world circles around me.

Pouring rain, football on TV, empty house; the stuff dreams are made of.

Dating again after you break up with a long-term partner is like dying in a video game and ending up back at the start to do it all again, except with less health.

As highly as it’s esteemed, the Mayo Clinic still sounds like the place sick sandwiches go to get better.

Trending Funny Quotes 📈

I’m at an age now where I start sentences with “I’m at an age now.”

Getting to know someone these days is impossible. No one is really single, everyone has something going on, is hung up on their ex or is otherwise damaged in some way.

I don’t like violence, but I don’t mind if I get hit by luck.

Every time I see a dog with its head out a window, I know it’s having a better day than I am.

“Inconvenience is the cost of community,” I repeat to myself as I climb six flights of stairs for my friend’s birthday party for her cat.

Hot Funny Quotes 🔥

Laziness is the mother of all bad habits, but ultimately she is a mother, and we should respect her.

Do people exist who manage to wash, dry, fold, and put away their laundry in the same day?

Bisexual just means that I wear perfume with my men’s deodorant.

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Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

When you decorate your whole house for Christmas, what you’re really saying is “I’m not going to dust for at least a month.”

I’m not good at quickly making up derogatory names on the fly, unless I’m driving.

I eat cake every day because somewhere out there it’s someone’s birthday and I like to celebrate.

Careful, “friend”. One more word about Shakira and you might find out just how fast I can draw this blade.

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

My car spider built a web across my steering wheel and now I can’t go anywhere.

I don’t always cook dinner but when I do, I use every pan in the kitchen.

As you get older, it’s amazing how fast bird-watching creeps up on you…

In the American Bible, Eve was made from part of a McRib.

The Sims fulfills the millennial fantasy of being able to afford a house in a walkable neighborhood on the salary of a professional carrot peeler.

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The only time you should be faking it is when your pet checks to see if you’re awake.

Related Funny Posts 🤝

Some people spend a fortune so they can circle the world. I drink some beer and the world circles around me.

Pouring rain, football on TV, empty house; the stuff dreams are made of.

Dating again after you break up with a long-term partner is like dying in a video game and ending up back at the start to do it all again, except with less health.

My hobbies include trying to close the elevator doors before anyone else gets on.

I wish people had mute buttons in real life.

As highly as it’s esteemed, the Mayo Clinic still sounds like the place sick sandwiches go to get better.

Trending Funny Quotes 📈

Hot Funny Quotes 🔥

Trending Topics 📁

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

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