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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇧🇪 has downloaded:

I hate when cashiers feel the need to check if my money is real. If I could make counterfeit money, I wouldn’t be at the Dollar Tree, Karen.

Someone from 🇸🇨 has bookmarked:

What idiot called it Catfishing your Tinder Contacts and not Playing With Matches?

Someone from 🇫🇲 has bookmarked:

I really don’t believe all of these women are actually named “Sassy”

Someone from 🇱🇹 has downloaded:

My summer body has been pending for about ten years.

Someone from 🇧🇩 has shared:

I’ve never met a garlic bread I didn’t get on with.

Someone from 🇮🇩 has copied:

Accidentally made eye contact with the sweets at the grocery store and now have to declare bankruptcy.

Someone from 🇿🇼 has copied:

Probably the most empowered I’ve ever felt was that time I stuck a fork in a socket.

Someone from 🇲🇪 has downloaded:

When someone points at your black clothes and asks whose funeral it is, having a look around the room and saying ‘Haven’t decided yet’ is typically a good response.

Someone from 🇫🇷 has viewed:

When a man gets married he has a moral obligation to scare his wife when he sneezes.

Someone from 🇹🇩 has shared:

I find that age is just a number, and the older you get, the number you get.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

105 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,374

Funny Quotes Topics

17,485

Funny Quotes Images

15,374

Updated

Jan 2, 2026

Users Online

3,293

Social Media Log 💫

Going bananas on Slack:

Someone asked me how much I normally spend on a bottle of wine. Answering “usually an hour” wasn’t the right answer. I know this now.

Just landed via Telegram:

It would be cool if, after you died, you could see the top 5 times you almost died.

Broadcasted on Discord:

Pretending to be a well-adjusted, functioning adult is so exhausting.

Just shared via Facebook:

This post ain’t gonna like itself, damn.

Seen just now on X:

When your name is Jenn, people think it’s short for Jennifer, but it’s really short for Jennatalia.

Making waves on Twitch:

The older I get, the more I hate making extra stops after work. I drive home like I’m late for the house.

Spotted on Telegram:

Terrifying if true: Her eyes lighting up a room.

Broadcasted on YouTube:

They say we learn from our mistakes. That’s why I’m making as many as possible… I’ll be a genius soon.

Freshly posted on Reddit:

Nutrition labels should include an “What if I ate the whole thing” section.

Broadcasted on Messenger:

I bet my calculator app wrapped would be pretty shameful.

Welcome to your 40s—you run out of breath trying to find your running shoes.

2 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"By the time I find my running shoes, I'm already ready for a nap! 🏃‍♀️💤👟"

40s, age, aging, breath, breathlessness, fitness, humor, middle, middle age, run, running, sh, trying, welcome

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Relationships: Because sometimes destroying your life is a two person job.

0

2 months ago

comedy, commitment, destroy, destroying, humor, job, life, partnership, person, relationships
And then the vodka whispered, “Say what you really think.”

0

2 months ago

alcohol, drinking, honesty, humor, say, think, vodka, whisper
My computer: Consider changing your password. Me: Consider fighting me in the streets.

0

2 months ago

changing, computer, consider, defiance, fight, fighting, humor, me, password, sarcasm, street, street fight, streets, technology
“You changed!” Yeah, I thought three days in the same outfit was kinda pushing it.

0

2 months ago

change, days, fashion, humor, i, outfit, pushing, same, thought
I want a girlfriend so she can make me do shit like pottery, and I act like I don’t want to go.

0

4 months ago

act, activity, date, girlfriend, i, me, pottery, relationship, reluctance, shit, want
It’s getting very expensive to be alive.

0

2 months ago

alive, cost, expense, expensive, getting, humor, life, reality, sarcasm

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

60 shares on Messenger this month:

Did you get that psychic damage I sent you?

51 shares on Slack this month:

I’m sorry I bit your hand when you reached for my popcorn.

76 shares on Slack this month:

I’m actually really fun once you get to know me (takes 3-4 years).

48 shares on Messenger this month:

It’s like 10,000 lies when all you need is the files.

50 shares on Snapchat this month:

I drive home so quick after work like I’m late for the house.

13 shares on WeChat this month:

Here’s to another day of outward smiles and inward screams.

85 shares on Slack this month:

I tiptoe near my medicine cabinet because I don’t want to wake my sleeping pills.

83 shares on WeChat this month:

“I should’ve peed before I left,” will be my epitaph.

33 shares on Twitch this month:

I met a microbiologist today. He was a lot bigger than I expected.

27 shares on Messenger this month:

I wanted to wear some hot lingerie, but didn’t have any, so I put on this red dental floss.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇵🇦 has copied:

Babies will literally step on your face just to grab what they want.

Someone from 🇺🇿 has copied:

I just want everyone to know that somebody cares. Not me, but somebody does.

Someone from 🇦🇪 has shared:

Hate it when my mouth says something my brain was trying to keep quiet.

Someone from 🇩🇴 has bookmarked:

Welcome to your 50s. If you don’t have a mysterious ailment, one will be assigned to you shortly.

Someone from 🇩🇯 has viewed:

I could never be an Instagram mom influencer. For starters, I wouldn’t be able to give my kids a name like Banjo or Parmesan or Chandelier.

Someone from 🇨🇺 has bookmarked:

It’s like 10,000 lies when all you need is the files.

Someone from 🇩🇿 has copied:

I want someone who will look at me the same way I look at chocolate cake.

Someone from 🇯🇴 has bookmarked:

“I’m not ordering fries, I’ll just eat some of yours!” -Former friends of mine

Someone from 🇰🇮 has copied:

Apparently you’re not supposed to announce that there’s been a death in the family every time you kill a houseplant.

Someone from 🇲🇦 has copied:

Waffles are just pancakes with abs.

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via WeChat:

They are all liars, so just pick the tallest and enjoy.

Seen just now on LinkedIn:

As a girl, I should be allowed to speak to the moon directly.

Just landed via Discord:

Trust my gut? The thing that tricks me into buying gas station sushi and roller dogs? No thanks.

Breaking via YouTube:

If you need ChatGPT to write an email, maybe you shouldn’t have job.

Shared recently on Telegram:

It should be socially acceptable to just face the wall at a party when you need a break from talking.

Seen just now on Reddit:

Anyone who thinks office jobs are harmless has never cut their finger on paper.

Breaking via YouTube:

If an alien is 60 million light years away and is watching us through a telescope, it will see dinosaurs.

Just shared via Telegram:

Fact: WhatsApp is the most boring app if you’re single.

Going bananas on Snapchat:

It’s like my therapist always says, that’ll be $175.

Freshly posted on Twitch:

Rent really don’t make no sense. Like, why is my apartment getting a raise every year? Who is doing the performance review?

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Welcome to your 40s—you run out of breath trying to find your running shoes.

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

Relationships: Because sometimes destroying your life is a two person job.

And then the vodka whispered, “Say what you really think.”

My computer: Consider changing your password. Me: Consider fighting me in the streets.

“You changed!” Yeah, I thought three days in the same outfit was kinda pushing it.

I want a girlfriend so she can make me do shit like pottery, and I act like I don’t want to go.

It’s getting very expensive to be alive.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨