70 funny middle quotes - Wordgag

According to a new study, people who often trail off in the middle of a sentence are 30% more likely to

May 23, 2026

Every time someone tries to fight with me online, a middle finger gets its wings.

May 23, 2026

Welcome to middle age, where you wake up hungover whether you’ve had a drink or not.

May 22, 2026

Welcome to middle age. You now take pictures of instructions so you can enlarge them.

May 22, 2026

Middle children as adults still trying to get attention because the oldest is being dramatic and the younger child is getting away with everything.

May 22, 2026

Rich people don’t put their couches against their wall. I moved my couch into the middle of the floor and still haven’t gotten rich. I don’t know what I’m doing wrong here.

May 22, 2026

My sneeze is the reason people in the middle ages believed sneezing was caused by demon possession.

May 22, 2026

Don’t wait until you’re on your death bed to let them know how you feel. You may be too weak to raise your middle finger.

May 22, 2026

Sitting on the middle seat of this flight and both my seatmates are reading my book over my shoulder. Should I just start reading it aloud?

May 21, 2026

Spices were first brought to Western Europe in the Middle Ages. Some of them are still at the back of my cupboard.

May 21, 2026

Venn diagrams. You either love ‘em or you hate ‘em. Or you’re somewhere in the middle.

May 21, 2026

‘Blinded by the Light’ is really just a song about turning the bathroom light on in the middle of the night.

May 21, 2026

I always bring a glass of water to bed with me so I have something to knock over in the middle of the night.

May 20, 2026

No one told me middle age would be so fuzzy, and if you are wondering whether I mean my eyesight or my facial hair, yes.

May 20, 2026

Sometimes, in the middle of eating a rotisserie chicken, I ask myself “did I just run a red light?”

May 20, 2026

Oh I’m sorry, did the middle of my sentence interrupt the beginning of yours?

May 20, 2026

You have never experienced true fear until a poster falls off the wall in the middle of the night.

May 20, 2026

Pro tip: When you sign up for anything online, put the website’s name as your middle name. Now, when you receive spam, you will know who sold your data.

May 20, 2026

I will never forget when my dad had a guy from Verizon call me in middle school to tell me that I was using more data than Obama and that I need to stop.

May 20, 2026

Since it’s impossible to know which period of my life is the middle, I’ve decided to have an ongoing crisis.

May 20, 2026

This can’t be the same brain I was using to read 750-page novels in 3 days during middle school.

May 19, 2026

Welcome to your 50s. If you don’t have a mysterious ailment, one will be assigned to you shortly.

May 19, 2026

Welcome to your 50’s; you can have a really good laugh at everyone moaning about their aches and pains in their 30’s.

May 19, 2026

Getting to the age where I’m like, “Oh, hopefully I’ll be dead by then.”

May 19, 2026

One of the most underrated benefits of having a cat is that you get another creature to look around in confusion with you when you hear a random loud-ass noise in the middle of the night.

May 19, 2026

Welcome to your 50s, there’s a wrong way to stretch now.

May 19, 2026

When I was a kid, they played lame music for middle-aged people in the supermarket, but this morning at Whole Foods, it’s now all amazing bangers from my youth.

May 19, 2026

Reading a book is nice, but reading a book in the middle of the night when everyone is asleep is even better, it’s therapeutic.

May 19, 2026

Welcome to middle age. Everything you encounter is either blurry or too loud now.

May 19, 2026

Welcome to your 40s. A random back pain will be assigned to you shortly, and you’ll never know what flares it up every time.

May 18, 2026

I’ve got 99 problems. I know this because I wake up in the middle of the night to review each and every one of them in great detail.

May 18, 2026

Millennials are so young because we were never allowed to grow up. Still living like broke college kids in our 40s.

Apr 1, 2026

I’m still repaying karmic debt from that time I was 12 and gave the middle finger to a cow at the state fair.

Apr 1, 2026

Just realized John the Baptist and Winnie the Pooh have the same middle name.

Apr 1, 2026

I feel like this holiday season, it’s important to remind people of the true meaning of Christmas: ghosts terrorizing rich people in the middle of the night until they agree to pay their employees more.

Apr 1, 2026

We’re in the middle of a snowstorm with no cake in the house. I never expected to perish like this.

Apr 1, 2026

My superpower is giving you the middle finger using my eyes only.

Mar 31, 2026

Men used to send love letters in the middle of wars, and now they think reassurance is too much effort.

Mar 31, 2026

I’ve never wrestled an angry alligator, but I have taken off a wet sports bra in the middle of summer. So, same thing.

Mar 31, 2026

Let’s just call ourselves divorced now and skip the stressful, expensive bit in the middle.

Mar 31, 2026