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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇭🇺 has bookmarked:

Teens be like, “This is the worst day of my life,” and it’s just that they were told to unload the dishwasher.

Someone from 🇸🇿 has copied:

Play the Grindr notification noise at Christmas dinner to see which conservative relatives panickedly check their phone ringer.

Someone from 🇨🇫 has bookmarked:

You ever spend the day with a skinny person and are like “ohhhh, that’s why you’re skinny”.

Someone from 🇭🇳 has bookmarked:

Who called it a Cybertruck and not a Deplorean?

Someone from 🇨🇿 has copied:

Men have nice skin because they stress out everyone but themselves.

Someone from 🇹🇬 has copied:

I wish I had the determination of my wife, who’s still flipping through radio stations as we pull into our driveway.

Someone from 🇦🇲 has copied:

I’m just falling in love with my problems now. Maybe they’ll leave me too.

Someone from 🇸🇲 has bookmarked:

Doctors don’t really need to hit you with that rubber hammer, it’s just how they release a lil tension through the day.

Someone from 🇨🇭 has bookmarked:

Hey (with the intention of going to sleep).

Someone from 🇯🇵 has bookmarked:

If I ever get the death penalty, I hope “by chocolate” is an option.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,403

Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on Facebook:

I’m so cold, I wish I could get in the dryer.

Going viral on Snapchat:

Nicole Kidman being in a film called Babygirl is actually perfect cause it’s like another version of her last name.

Just landed via Threads:

Just asked this girl Hannah how she spells her name, and she just said, “Two of everything, darling.” Iconic!

Going bananas on Threads:

Mixing 1% milk and 2% milk to create the forbidden 1.72% milk.

Shared recently on Instagram:

The only thing limiting what you can put in a sandwich is your imagination and the laws of physics.

Going bananas on Pinterest:

If I could have dinner with anyone, living or dead, I’d pick living.

Making waves on Facebook:

Men call us “gold diggers” when we expect them to pay for a meal. Honey, a gold digger goes after yachts, not a piece of chicken.

Freshly posted on WhatsApp:

Men will ruin your whole life and come back and like your Instagram story.

Spreading quickly via Slack:

My Christmas letter this year includes a bonus DVD of my colonoscopy.

Going viral on YouTube:

The thing about being 50+ is that whenever an opportunity to pee is available – you’re wise to take it.

What was the name of the boat in Titanic?

Witty text questioning Titanic's boat name, playful and humorous in tone.
Download image ↓

Commentary:
Ah, the age-old question that has rocked the boat of many trivia nights! 🛳️🕵️‍♀️ Let's just say, it definitely wasn't called "The Unsinkable II"! 😉 #IcebergAhead

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Keep the laugh going 😂

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Random Funny Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

79 shares on Slack this month:

I have so much to offer. It’s all bad, but still.

23 shares on Twitch this month:

As you get older, nothing loses its sting more than an authority figure saying they are disappointed in you. Like, I don’t know what to tell you, dude, we can’t both live in the prison of your expectations.

46 shares on YouTube this month:

Many years ago, I stood up to 100-200 million others only to sit in meetings now.

90 shares on Slack this month:

Taking action is my least favorite thing to take.

49 shares on TikTok this month:

Can’t argue with a guy that has curly hair. Whatever you say, gorgeous.

79 shares on Instagram this month:

Just gonna drink light beers today, because I don’t wanna get drunk but I do enjoy peeing 30 times.

43 shares on X this month:

At some point, my colleagues will manage to get me my own true crime documentary on Netflix.

55 shares on Messenger this month:

It’s so beautiful when two real perverts find each other.

63 shares on TikTok this month:

I let people skate. I never mention the ice is thin.

37 shares on TikTok this month:

How do you text “okay” but in the rudest way possible?

Trending Topics 📁

activity communication day food frustration fun humor i irony joke just know life love me media people procrastination relationship sarcasm social social media someone technology time want work

Hot Jokes 💥

19 folks are currently checking 👀

“You live and you learn!” Bro, I don’t want to do either of those things.

17 folks are currently checking 👀

I love when my grandma texts me — because I know it took her an hour.

10 folks are currently checking 👀

I can’t take people who pronounce “gnocchi” correctly seriously.

11 folks are currently checking 👀

Remember, you don’t have to worry about being around annoying people in public if you never leave the house.

6 folks are currently checking 👀

I am an influencer. If you aren’t influenced in any way, that is on you. Do better.

17 folks are currently checking 👀

Being a woman is wild. I just cried, cleaned the house, had a snack, had a bath, and now I’m fine.

9 folks are currently checking 👀

My toxic trait is thinking every inconvenience is the universe personally attacking me.

16 folks are currently checking 👀

I can’t think of a single email that has ever found me well.

21 folks are currently checking 👀

Slipping into something a little more comfortable (psychosis).

8 folks are currently checking 👀

Nothing bad can happen while you’re under a blanket. Just remember that.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,504

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇬🇹 has viewed:

“I’m not falling for that again,” I say, as I’m about to fall for whatever that is again.

Someone from 🇱🇰 has shared:

No pre-workout, just flashbacks of stuff I let slide.

Someone from 🇨🇭 has copied:

Sometimes I wanna delete all my social media and throw my phone into a river.

Someone from 🇳🇱 has copied:

Is this simulation from Temu?

Someone from 🇫🇮 has viewed:

Dancing alone in your home is its own kind of therapy.

Someone from 🇰🇲 has shared:

I don’t even know what the Transformers are fighting about, to be honest.

Someone from 🇳🇿 has downloaded:

Many men also have a walk-in closet. For them, it’s just called a floor.

Someone from 🇻🇪 has copied:

Wow, this person is full of shit. Oh, I’m on my own page.

Someone from 🇪🇷 has downloaded:

My brain says “Let’s do something exciting today” but my body says “Don’t listen to that fool.”

Someone from 🇲🇲 has downloaded:

A mustache is just mouth bangs.

Social Media Log 💫

Breaking via YouTube:

Gave my family the wrong address for our beach rental. Hoping to get a couple days in before they find me.

Just shared via Snapchat:

I’m not feeling very worky today.

Shared recently on Slack:

The only difference between hungry and horny is where you insert the cucumber.

Just landed via WhatsApp:

“Nothing beats in-person interaction”. Yeah, with someone I know and love, not Denise from finance.

Going bananas on Messenger:

I don’t drink blood to stay young. I do it mainly for the lifestyle.

Spreading quickly via WhatsApp:

You don’t have to remember details when you don’t lie.

Seen just now on LinkedIn:

Riding a bike is an insane concept. You just sit and run at the same time.

Going viral on WeChat:

Some people shop for designer heels. I shop for nonstop flight deals.

Spreading quickly via X:

If I was a weather man, I’d leak the weather early to pretty women.

Trending via Messenger:

Do vape shops and nail salons actually make money, or is my town’s economy one big laundering scheme?

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