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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇱🇮 has bookmarked:

You now have the chance to be the first person to send me nudes.

Someone from 🇸🇬 has copied:

The Epstein client list but to the tune of Mambo number 5.

Someone from 🇲🇦 has bookmarked:

I birthed my kid faster than she can put on shoes.

Someone from 🇩🇿 has shared:

Staring at the sky for answers, nothing new.

Someone from 🇵🇼 has bookmarked:

If a woman says she’ll be ready in 15 minutes, she will be. No need to remind her every half hour.

Someone from 🇸🇹 has downloaded:

If stores want to accurately display clothes for people over 40, the mannequins should be laying on a couch.

Someone from 🇨🇾 has bookmarked:

Hobosexual. A person who dates you with the sole interest of having a place to stay.

Someone from 🇫🇲 has shared:

Being a little older, I am very fortunate to have someone call and check on me every day. He’s from India, and he’s very concerned about my car warranty.

Someone from 🇬🇶 has copied:

Posing for photos has to be the most basic thing I’m actually terrible at.

Someone from 🇰🇷 has viewed:

Pharaohs were buried with their hands crossed over their chest because of the belief there would be countless water slides in the after life.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

237 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,506

Funny Quotes Topics

17,571

Funny Quotes Images

15,506

Updated

Jan 6, 2026

Users Online

3,611

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via Twitch:

If you tell lies about me, I’ll tell the truth about you.

Spreading quickly via Snapchat:

Men love to show you a YouTube video. It is a sign of deep respect in their culture.

Just landed via Snapchat:

Why is everyone so chill about parrots being able to talk? That’s a whole animal. Talking.

Spotted on Reddit:

I’m at the age where I can remember things that never happened.

Just shared via Snapchat:

Sorry, I can’t talk right now. The seam of my sock feels weird.

Going bananas on WeChat:

I’m already sick of tomorrow.

Seen just now on LinkedIn:

I hate when people tell me I need to “get out of my comfort zone,” like I don’t even have a comfort zone; I am literally always uncomfortable.

Going viral on LinkedIn:

Easy there, unsaved number.

Shared recently on Pinterest:

This tape doesn’t even taste like scotch.

Seen just now on Twitch:

And then there are people who can only sleep on their back because their pea brain could slip out of their ear if they lie on their side.

What you call “Brunch” I call “Breakfast for Alcoholics.”

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What you call “Brunch” I call “Breakfast for Alcoholics.”
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Commentary:
"Ah, the magical time between breakfast and lunch when we indulge in both pancakes and mimosas, because balance is key 🥞🥂 Who said alcoholics can't brunch?"

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

62 shares on TikTok this month:

If you give a man a fish, he’ll eat for a day. But if you teach a man to fish, you’ll get the house to yourself on Saturdays.

60 shares on Pinterest this month:

Thank you, Facebook memories, for constantly reminding me of the shitty taste in men I had for the majority of my life.

98 shares on LinkedIn this month:

A new year resolution is something that goes in one year and out the other.

82 shares on Snapchat this month:

Imagine hearing the ice cream truck music, but at night.

76 shares on Telegram this month:

I dreamt this night that I had died and when I woke up, a piece of me was actually already stiff.

55 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Whenever someone tells me how well behaved my kids are, I say it’s cause they’re not at home.

32 shares on Reddit this month:

Booked an escape room but just to get away from everyone. No plans of escaping.

90 shares on Messenger this month:

It’s not true that I had nothing on. I had the radio on.

11 shares on YouTube this month:

A peaceful transition of power happening between me and this red wine just now.

79 shares on WeChat this month:

Wishing all the contacts in my phone “Merry Christmas, I hope you get what you deserve” and just letting that work itself out.

Trending Topics 📁

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Hot Jokes 💥

11 folks are currently checking 👀

I hear the responses my young siblings give my mom, and I’m speechless; they don’t know the commando she was in her prime.

19 folks are currently checking 👀

Someone yelled “hey, retard!” and I looked back.

7 folks are currently checking 👀

The best part of having a failing memory is that you can wrap up presents for yourself, and when it comes time to open them, you are honestly surprised.

5 folks are currently checking 👀

You can’t confuse me. I already don’t know what’s going on.

19 folks are currently checking 👀

No matter how early you get up, fate always gets up half an hour earlier.

23 folks are currently checking 👀

Lazy Rule: Can’t reach it, don’t need it.

14 folks are currently checking 👀

The word abbreviation sure is long for what it means.

18 folks are currently checking 👀

“Are you free tomorrow?” No, tomorrow I’m still expensive.

15 folks are currently checking 👀

Seriously? I came out of hibernation for this?

7 folks are currently checking 👀

I hope you all get laid soon, for your own mental health.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

237 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,506

Funny Quotes Topics

17,571

Funny Quotes Images

15,506

Updated

Jan 6, 2026

Users Online

3,603

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇻🇳 has viewed:

Unloading the dishwasher in the opposite direction just to feel something.

Someone from 🇭🇺 has shared:

I used to think that the older you get, the wiser and more self-confident you become. I now know that you just get tired more quickly.

Someone from 🇧🇬 has shared:

Thank you for being friends with me. Baffling decision, but thank you.

Someone from 🇸🇦 has viewed:

My boss said he likes how I remain so calm under pressure. Can’t tell him it’s because I don’t give a shit.

Someone from 🇪🇹 has downloaded:

Millionaires and multi-billion dollar companies be like, “We’re doing our part by asking the poor to donate to the poor.”

Someone from 🇸🇹 has bookmarked:

Let’s hope those bridges you burn keep you warm at night.

Someone from 🇲🇦 has downloaded:

Signing all emails with BOOM SHAKALAKA today.

Someone from 🇱🇹 has copied:

Friends with consequences.

Someone from 🇵🇼 has downloaded:

Cleaning the kitchen, but saw the laundry, so I watered a plant, and now I’m making a dentist appointment.

Someone from 🇦🇫 has downloaded:

“I’ll worry about it next time.” Me pissing off future me.

Social Media Log 💫

Going viral on Snapchat:

Applied for an internship to gain experience and got rejected because I didn’t have relevant experience.

Seen just now on Discord:

You know what’s worse than someone’s phone alarm playing the tune over and over? Someone else who starts whistling along.

Going bananas on Telegram:

According to my chocolate advent calendar, there are only 4 days until Christmas.

Shared recently on Twitch:

Forgetting your phone at home is the modern equivalent of leaving your sword behind in medieval times.

Going viral on TikTok:

Stop eating cakes with the fakes and come eat a bundt with a cundt.

Just landed via WeChat:

I wonder if that football guy will be at the Taylor Swift game again today.

Freshly posted on Snapchat:

My wife asked me to put ketchup on the shopping list that I was making, and now, I can’t read anything.

Going viral on Threads:

Ever since I learned the show is called Suits because of lawsuits and not because they wear suits, I have harbored a hot white rage within me beyond anything mankind has ever known.

Spreading quickly via Reddit:

Might start a YouTube channel “will it hurt if I drop it on my foot”.

Spreading quickly via Instagram:

Does your blood pump that way just for me?

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