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Remember, when asking for a raise, it is considered customary to be sober.

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Losing and then immediately gaining weight is my superpower.

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The problem with hiding snacks from my kid is that when I forget, they end up being hidden from me too.

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Divorce is so weird. Why do I have an ex-aunt?

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8 pm to 10 pm on a weeknight is the shortest that two hours can possibly be.

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ChatGPT, what do you do when you find out your boyfriendโ€™s been using ChatGPT to write you messages?

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The only squat Iโ€™m even considering doing today is diddly.

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You give a man your heart and heโ€™s gonna put it under another girl’s picture.

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Netflix has every movie except the one you want to watch.

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Vacation is a time when every part of you can relax except your bowels.

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When you meet twins, demand to speak with the one in charge.

When you meet twins, demand to speak with the one in charge.

Commentary:
๐Ÿ‘ฏโ€โ™‚๏ธ "When you run into twins, make sure to address the CEO of the duo! ๐Ÿคฃ Who knows, the one in charge might have all the twin-spired wisdom and authority! Double the trouble, double the fun, double the bossiness?"



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