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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇦🇴 has bookmarked:

99% of celebrating your birthday as an adult just consists of texting back “thanks so much”.

Someone from 🇧🇭 has viewed:

You ever wake up from your dreams impressed? Like, damn, that narrative structure was phenomenal.

Someone from 🇪🇬 has viewed:

The greatest research skill you can have is being a nosy bitch who wants to find out.

Someone from 🇹🇬 has downloaded:

I’ve been thinking. Is ‘fat’ short for anything? Like an old word or something?

Someone from 🇵🇾 has copied:

I don’t do exercise because one time I kneed myself in the face doing a burpee.

Someone from 🇨🇿 has downloaded:

My favorite exercise is a combination of a lunge and a crunch. It’s called lunch.

Someone from 🇻🇳 has viewed:

My dad called my philosophy degree a “license for unemployment.”

Someone from 🇬🇪 has shared:

“We’re the only species that drinks milk after infancy, dairy is bad for you!” We’re also the only species that drinks peach mango pineapple spirulina kale smoothies, Karen. Let me eat my cheese in peace.

Someone from 🇬🇾 has copied:

I’m never more unattractive than when a bee flies in my face.

Someone from 🇧🇹 has copied:

Zelda was easier as a kid because if you hit a hard puzzle, you could just wait a few days for more brain matter to come in, but now it’s the opposite.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

105 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,374

Funny Quotes Topics

17,485

Funny Quotes Images

15,374

Jan 2, 2026

3,519

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via X:

I can’t blame this generation too much for doing stupid stuff. My generation thought seven Police Academy movies were a good idea.

Going viral on X:

Boss: You’ll never find another job like this. Me: That’d be great.

Making waves on Instagram:

Some of you need to clean your room before you take a selfie.

Going bananas on Discord:

If Spotify has taught me anything, it’s that I don’t know the correct lyrics to any of my favorite songs.

Broadcasted on WeChat:

This coffee is not coffeeing the way I need it to be coffeeing.

Going viral on Facebook:

Super excited about a brand new year full of questionable life choices.

Shared recently on Pinterest:

Salted, and I cannot stress this enough, butter.

Going viral on YouTube:

There is no bigger lie than “fun for the whole family”.

Just shared via Twitch:

I’m uncomfortable around tall people. What if they pick me up and put me on their shoulders?

Broadcasted on Snapchat:

I wear a lot of clothes for someone who hates doing laundry.

When you’re a snowman, everything smells like a carrot.

2 months ago

0

When you’re a snowman, everything smells like a carrot.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Being a snowman must be a real nose-tingling experience! 🥕❄️ Just imagine, the world smells like a delicious carrot all day, every day. It's a rough life for those frosty fellas, but at least they never have to worry about getting hangry! ⛄😋"

carrot, everything, humor, perspective, smell, smells, snowman, winter

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Worst thing about cutting off all your hair is you go to work and everyone treats you like Today’s Special Boy.

0

5 months ago

appearance, boy, cutting, everyone, hair, haircut, hairstyle, humor, nickname, office, special, teasing, thing, treats, work, worst
The biggest lesson employment has taught me is that efficient workers get punished with more work.

0

2 months ago

efficiency, employment, ethic, humor, lesson, me, office, office humor, productivity, taught, work, work ethic, workload, workplace, workplace humor
If they played poker with potato chips, I’d have a gambling problem.

0

2 months ago

chip, chips, food, food humor, gambling, gambling problem, game, humor, ID, joking, played, poker, potato, potato chip, problem, snack
Damn, I just realized that the future idealized version of myself can’t exist without current me being the catalyst for change and doing hard things.

0

1 day ago

being, catalyst, change, current, doing, exist, future, future self, growth, hard, hard thing, i, improvement, just, me, motivation, myself, personal, personal growth, realization, self, self-improvement, thing, things, version
Starting your most incoherent sentence with “put simply” to deflect blame onto the reader.

0

2 months ago

blame, communication, deflect, deflect blame, humor, incoherent, incoherent sentence, most, put, put simply, reader, sarcasm, sentence, simply
I am absolutely unstoppable, unless it’s a bit rainy.

0

4 weeks ago

absolutely, am, bit, humor, i, irony, motivation, rain, rainy, unstoppable, weather

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

81 shares on Telegram this month:

One week of daily crunches and I have abs…urdly underestimated how long it will take to see results.

28 shares on WeChat this month:

Humans should grow a new set of teeth in our 30s to make-up for all the poor decisions in our 20s.

61 shares on Telegram this month:

Micro-dosing time travel by going to bed.

46 shares on Facebook this month:

All the wrong decisions in this country are based on the fact that my balcony faces out the back and so I can’t speak to the people.

56 shares on Twitch this month:

It’s romantic to fall in love during the collapse of society.

64 shares on TikTok this month:

The whole “read before you go to bed to get sleepy” thing does not apply to me because I will be up till 5 a.m. if the book is worth it.

65 shares on Threads this month:

God: “I told you to love thy neighbor – not start trade wars with them.”

60 shares on Slack this month:

I was at a funeral yesterday and spiced things up by walking over to complete strangers and saying “Ignore what everyone else thinks. I, personally, have no issue with you being here”.

73 shares on YouTube this month:

Good morning to the wind beneath my wings only.

72 shares on Discord this month:

My neighbor told me he heard me having sex this morning. I was putting on my shoes.

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

20 folks are currently checking 👀

A garlic a day keeps the doctor away.

25 folks are currently checking 👀

An alcoholic morning show host becoming Secretary of War is some Kurt Vonnegut shit.

8 folks are currently checking 👀

I’m gonna start telling men I know a spot and it’s just me dropping them off at therapy.

14 folks are currently checking 👀

Water is a drink whose flavor is its temperature.

15 folks are currently checking 👀

Clueless but committed – that’s my vibe.

24 folks are currently checking 👀

No more learning experiences, please, God. I am smart enough.

14 folks are currently checking 👀

I feel like I’ve skipped the whole ‘go out and have fun’ stage and went straight to being an 80-year-old woman.

18 folks are currently checking 👀

Feeling like Floyd in this May weather (illiterate and violent).

11 folks are currently checking 👀

Biblical loophole: It’s not premarital sex if you never intend to get married.

22 folks are currently checking 👀

Of course I stay hydrated. Carbohydrated.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

105 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,374

Funny Quotes Topics

17,485

Funny Quotes Images

15,374

Updated

Jan 2, 2026

Users Online

3,266

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇿🇲 has downloaded:

Imagine being a dinosaur. No work or bills. No drama. Just extinct.

Someone from 🇺🇦 has bookmarked:

A wise man once said, “Bees don’t waste their time explaining to flies that honey is better than shit.”

Someone from 🇻🇳 has bookmarked:

I can’t believe I slept good all night. What a rush.

Someone from 🇧🇬 has copied:

Driving to work, and I just reached down to touch my leg to make sure I have pants on.

Someone from 🇸🇴 has copied:

My doctor told me “good luck” and gave me finger guns, so obviously I’m dying.

Someone from 🇪🇹 has shared:

In terms of wasting time, today was very productive.

Someone from 🇨🇩 has copied:

Adulting is realizing Monday is a better ‘off day’ than Friday.

Someone from 🇲🇦 has copied:

If swimming is such good exercise, explain whales.

Someone from 🇸🇱 has downloaded:

Using a condom and still pulling out, call that two-factor authentication.

Someone from 🇲🇿 has shared:

The only thing you can count on with some people is that you can’t count on them.

Social Media Log 💫

Shared recently on X:

They should invent a brain that doesn’t whisper bad things to you.

Trending via WeChat:

Yesterday my husband thought he saw a cockroach in the kitchen. He sprayed and cleaned everything thoroughly. Today I’m putting the cockroach in the bathroom.

Going viral on Snapchat:

God ate when he created sleep, what a beautiful concept.

Seen just now on Facebook:

Ah yes, my abandonment issues due to all the abandonment.

Going viral on Snapchat:

It’s crazy that you don’t really argue with a baby for the first year of its life and then you have to argue with the baby every day.

Just shared via TikTok:

“You’re a cardiologist? Is that like a fancy name for an auto mechanic?”

Just shared via LinkedIn:

If a stranger starts talking to me in an elevator I say “I don’t want to talk in case we get stuck and I have to eat you” that usually shuts them up.

Just shared via Instagram:

Tired of my landlord depending on my rent. Bro, get a job.

Seen just now on Pinterest:

Is ‘ugh’ an emotion? Because I fell it all the time.

Broadcasted on TikTok:

Ummmm, no, I don’t watch ‘Instagram Reels.’ I have TikTok. I like to get my brain damage directly from the original source.

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