Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇧🇷 has downloaded:

For all those wondering, yes, I am retired. I was tired yesterday, and I am tired again today.

Someone from 🇹🇳 has downloaded:

Telemarketer: “Hello, am I speaking to the head of the household?” Me, handing the phone to my cat: “It’s for you.”

Someone from 🇨🇷 has copied:

Thinking of starting a true crime podcast. Gotta explain this search history somehow.

Someone from 🇱🇧 has viewed:

Sex makes you happy. So I understand your dissatisfaction.

Someone from 🇸🇷 has downloaded:

Some people peak in high school. I peaked when I realized I never had to see them again.

Someone from 🇱🇨 has shared:

Due to inflation, you can now eat food that has been on the floor for up to 7.3 seconds.

Someone from 🇾🇪 has downloaded:

The cashier said, “Have a good day,” but she doesn’t mean it.

Someone from 🇭🇷 has viewed:

Vacation is a time when every part of you can relax except your bowels.

Someone from 🇸🇱 has bookmarked:

Me, in heaven: Can you take a photo of me sitting on that cloud?

Someone from 🇼🇸 has bookmarked:

So I just googled my symptoms, turns out I’m addicted to you.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Updated

Dec 31, 2025

Users Online

3,600

Social Media Log 💫

Going viral on Pinterest:

You want to know how old you really feel? Stop drinking caffeine and popping Ibuprofen. Then, just wait.

Trending via Discord:

Never vacuuming so I don’t disrupt my carpet’s natural micro biome.

Seen just now on YouTube:

I quit boxing the moment I realized my opponent was allowed to punch me in the face, too.

Just shared via Pinterest:

Therapy is basically me saying, “I did a thing,” and my therapist saying, “Yay, good job!”

Breaking via Threads:

I want my boyfriend to be so hot strangers know he’s not funny.

Seen just now on Discord:

Let’s all be grateful for a moment that stupidity is not contagious.

Seen just now on Threads:

I said “cool tattoo” to be nice not because I wanted to hear the 45 minute origin story.

Seen just now on WeChat:

After all the books are banned, they’ll move on to suggestive fruit.

Breaking via Discord:

I tell my kids winning isn’t everything and then I steal money from the monopoly bank.

Freshly posted on Discord:

Autumn and winter are coming. The time when I make myself tea and always forget that I’ve made myself tea.

Yes, I was behind the DJ booth, but only as a cultural anthropologist.

0
Yes, I was behind the DJ booth, but only as a cultural anthropologist.
Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Ah, the elusive DJ Anthropologist – observing the wild dances of the nocturnal creatures who flock to the beat of the bass 🎶🕺🔬. Who knew studying party animals could be so fascinating? Just remember, folks, always stay curious…and hydrated! 💃🍹"

, , , , , , , , ,

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

New Funny Quotes
🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎉🥂 New Year Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

19 shares on Slack this month:

If craziness could fly, some people would have their own airport.

61 shares on Telegram this month:

All of my passwords are protected by short-term memory loss.

74 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Love is like a bird. Sometimes flying around me but then moving on.

86 shares on YouTube this month:

Making eye contact with strangers on the sidewalk and saying “it’s crazy that they just let me walk around, haha”.

44 shares on WeChat this month:

To everyone I offended this year: do better next year, so I don’t have to do it again.

34 shares on Slack this month:

A hot coffee and a crispy bagel doesn’t change anything but it can’t hurt.

94 shares on Facebook this month:

I don’t question my wife’s choices because I’m one of them.

94 shares on Slack this month:

Why is Subway asking me for a tip? Bro, we made this sandwich together.

60 shares on Facebook this month:

Can you turn your swag off for one second and listen?

24 shares on Instagram this month:

Everyone deserves a day to lie in bed naked and be anti-social. Just sayin’.

Trending Topics 📁

activity communication day food frustration fun humor i irony joke just know life love me media people procrastination relationship sarcasm social social media someone technology time want work

Hot Jokes 💥

22 folks are currently checking 👀

I like my messages, how I like my nuts – MIXED.

24 folks are currently checking 👀

Maybe the wolf from The Neverending Story still has nightmares about me, too.

20 folks are currently checking 👀

It’s never too early to be sad about having to work the next day.

22 folks are currently checking 👀

Love when job applications ask for my desired salary so I can choose between not being hired and being exploited for my work.

13 folks are currently checking 👀

This meeting could have been an unread email.

18 folks are currently checking 👀

Dating me is super easy. I text you at 8; you reply at 8:00:01.

21 folks are currently checking 👀

I found a box of VHS tapes. I’m a bit nervous about the one that has the label torn off.

7 folks are currently checking 👀

It’s true that I’ve been through the desert on a horse with no name, but for my return trip, I rented a camel named Carl.

18 folks are currently checking 👀

You know you’re really stressed when you start getting on your own nerves.

23 folks are currently checking 👀

Apple want $3,500 for their Vision Pro. No thanks. I can look like a dork for free.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Updated

Dec 31, 2025

Users Online

3,623

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇱🇷 has downloaded:

I must retire to my chambers about this.

Someone from 🇸🇨 has bookmarked:

Welcome to your 40’s: oh you like surprises? here’s another chin. Surprise!

Someone from 🇺🇾 has viewed:

Hearing my voice in recording makes me wanna apologize to every person I talked to.

Someone from 🇨🇩 has copied:

Boy, are you a piñata? Because I have an overwhelming urge to beat you with a stick.

Someone from 🇧🇩 has downloaded:

Ants can be found on every continent except Antarctica, which is weird considering their name.

Someone from 🇲🇪 has downloaded:

People don’t hate working, they hate working and still being poor.

Someone from 🇮🇶 has copied:

And now begins the yearly tradition of writing the incorrect year on everything, for the next 3 months.

Someone from 🇵🇹 has downloaded:

I do believe in aliens, but do they also believe in me?

Someone from 🇫🇲 has bookmarked:

Next time someone says “I’m a hugger” and tries to hug me, I’m gonna say “I’m a puncher” and see how it goes.

Someone from 🇬🇭 has copied:

I don’t have a nervous system, I am a nervous system.

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via WeChat:

Being single: When you don’t have to wait for someone to watch the next Netflix episode.

Trending via Facebook:

I was having a great time until I remembered that I was ugly.

Going viral on WhatsApp:

Maybe the problem is that I’m cooler than any man I’ve ever met.

Just landed via Snapchat:

(To my coworker that’s a year younger than me) You’re like a son to me.

Just landed via Threads:

How does world hunger exist when we can fry air?

Making waves on Instagram:

Wild how we don’t get a public holiday for Wrestlemania, but okay.

Making waves on Discord:

I be telling people, “I respect your decision,” and I really don’t. The decision is always something stupid, and I just don’t want to engage any further.

Spotted on WhatsApp:

You better be kissing the screen when I send pics.

Seen just now on WhatsApp:

The fact that I procrastinate and still get the job done is the reason I still procrastinate.

Making waves on LinkedIn:

A frightening number of young people alive today don’t know about Knight Rider.

© 2025. All rights reserved.

Made with ❤️ in Sydney ☀️🌴