Be the one that gets asked to remove the hockey mask, during a conference call, on Friday the 13th.

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Watched a movie on Netflix last night that was so bad, I walked out of my own house.

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Why trust atoms? Because they’ve never been caught fibbing, just fission.

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If you show her you care, she will keep you as a spare.

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“How would you describe yourself.” Me: I absolutely would not.

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If I had my Pinterest wardrobe, I would be unstoppable.

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I love replying “Need him” when someone posts their boyfriend on their Instagram story.

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I wish my midlife crisis made me want to get a gym membership and a revenge body, but instead I’m eating Snickers for breakfast in bed.

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Maybe hot chocolate wants to be called beautiful chocolate at least one time.

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As soon as the sun comes back out, I want a beer. It’s science.

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The more nicknames I have for you, the more I like you.