Trending Funny Quotes 👇

  • I use a headshot from 2008 on my LinkedIn to prepare future employers for disappointment.
  • Not looking for a sugar daddy, but something more of a pay pal.
  • I love my new crockpot. Now we can wait longer to eat my horrible cooking.
  • Not to sound like a potted plant, but sunlight and fresh air really make a difference.
  • My plant is drunk, it’s growing in the wrong direction.
  • “My reading glasses would look good on your nightstand.” -Me, flirting.