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Intermittent fasting is how I drive, not how I eat.

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Donโ€™t ask me why, but the older you get, the more you love coffee.

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Money is always a motive for murder. Stay broke.

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Keep smiling, it makes people wonder what you’re up to.

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I’m a person who wants to do a lot of things trapped in the body of a person who wants to sleep a lot.

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A fun thing to do at work is call in sick and stay home.

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Life is a highway: Too many cars, not enough bathrooms.

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Those 8 hours at work go by quickly when you call off.

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I was having a great Friday until I found out it was Thursday.

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A dating app called Unhinged where you agree to meet up and fight each other.

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Sick and tired of these 30 mins weekends.

Sick and tired of these 30 mins weekends.

Commentary:
"Feeling like weekends are on a strict diet these days, huh? ๐Ÿ“†๐Ÿคฃ Maybe they need a cheat day or two! #WeekendWarrior"



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