129 funny weekend quotes - Wordgag

None of this matters and we are all going to die. Have a great weekend!

May 24, 2026

Weekends are a scam, you spend one day exhausted and the other day anxious. Like, what the hell was that?

May 24, 2026

When they ask “how was your weekend?” answer “better than yours” and maintain eye contact.

May 24, 2026

The first 7 days of the week aren’t for me.

May 24, 2026

5pm on a Friday: call me a McDonald’s ice-cream machine because I’m not working.

May 23, 2026

If we all club together we could raise enough money to buy Monday and have it destroyed.

May 23, 2026

Hello taxi, off to Friday please. Money doesn’t matter!

May 23, 2026

Why is Saturday over in 7 minutes and Sunday in 4 minutes, but Monday is 84 months long?

May 23, 2026

Because it is Friday, I will allow one beautiful woman to invite me for drinks.

May 23, 2026

Just a friendly reminder folks. Don’t forget to set back your rooster this weekend.

May 23, 2026

Back to work after the long holiday weekend, so you’re finally away from the relatives you don’t like, and back with the co-workers you don’t like.

May 23, 2026

How my weekend was? Light, dark, light, dark, Monday.

May 23, 2026

Look, a three-day weekend is all I ask. The rest can be four-day weekends.

May 22, 2026

If you gain 4 pounds in one weekend, that just means you’re an overachiever.

May 22, 2026

“Well, at least tomorrow is Friday.” -Me, having a bad Wednesday that’s about to get even worse.

May 22, 2026

Friends with no kids are like: Want to go to New Zealand this Friday?

May 22, 2026

Sunday night: Super Bowl party! Monday morning: Toilet Bowl party!

May 22, 2026

My wife is pretty excited about going away this weekend so I’m not sure she knows I’m coming with her.

May 22, 2026

There should be a day between Sunday and Monday called Hang on a Second.

May 22, 2026

The first five days after the weekend are the worst.

May 22, 2026

What’s really missing is a day between Saturday and Sunday.

May 22, 2026

They should invent a Sunday that’s longer than a couple of minutes.

May 22, 2026

Don’t tell me about your wild weekend. My TV remote died and I switched the batteries around, and now it’s working.

May 21, 2026

I did a little research on why weekends are only two days long and it turns out people made that up. WTF, people?

May 21, 2026

A weekend spent doing nothing is a weekend well spent.

May 21, 2026

Going out for two days in a row should really be considered an extreme sport.

May 21, 2026

Lowkey wanna fall in love, but Monday to Friday is work, Saturday is laundry, Sunday is mental prep for Monday. The butterflies in my stomach are actually decomposing.

May 21, 2026

I signed up to the gym a few months ago and still don’t see any results. I’ll go by there this weekend and ask what’s going on.

May 21, 2026

Never cry at the weekend. Cry at work, at least then you’ll get paid for it.

May 21, 2026

I made coffee and carried it to the couch. I’ve done everything I had planned for this Sunday.

May 21, 2026

The first 120 hours after the weekend are always the worst.

May 21, 2026

Forget carrying me to bed; carry me to the end of the workweek. Then we can talk.

May 21, 2026

I’d be really slim if it wasn’t for birthdays, anniversaries, Easter, Christmas, Mother’s Day, weekends and me.

May 21, 2026

Welcome to your 40s: it’s Saturday night so you know what that means, absolutely nothing, go to bed.

May 21, 2026

If you did the weekend right, your coffee needs coffee today.

May 21, 2026

Every weekend has two days: Saturday and It’s Monday Tomorrow.

May 21, 2026

Don’t forget to set your clocks back to seasonal depression this weekend.

May 20, 2026

An agenda reveal party, where I surprise everyone with all the things I hope to accomplish this weekend.

May 20, 2026

Sorry, I don’t think I can hang out this weekend, my 4-year-old is still telling a joke.

May 20, 2026

Parenting is cheering on your kid’s winning softball team all weekend and then cheering on the Sunday rain for cancelling the rest of the games.

May 20, 2026