Trending Funny Quotes 👇

  • My husband accidentally locked himself out of the house, and I didn’t hear him knocking until I finished eating the rest of his cheesecake. So weird.
  • People always tell me I’d be “late to my own funeral” like it’s a bad thing. They’d be lucky if I even showed up to that depressing shit.
  • If life has taught me one thing, it’s that I need more money.
  • Insomniacs who are not afraid of the dark have nighty-night problems but the pitch ain’t one.
  • “I can’t wait to go back to bed tonight!” Me, 5 minutes after waking up.
  • They should invent a life where I know what I’m doing.