Commentary:
When my brain starts broadcasting bad ideas, gotta shake my head to let the telepaths know I'm changing the channel! 🧠📡😂
131 Funny show quotes
“I’ll see” = not coming, never was coming, never even considered it.
Commentary:
Oh yeah, "I'll see" is the ultimate RSVP for the socially averse 😂🚫🙅♂️
Rental car companies seem so insanely helpless at their one job. You show up at the airport, reservation in hand, and they’re like, ‘Wait, really? You wanted a car? Sorry, you totally caught me off guard.’
Commentary:
Sure thing! How about this: "I guess I should have sent a 6-month notice before actually wanting a car 🚗🤔🙈"
The worst part about being an adult is that no matter how sad you get, the show must go on.
Commentary:
Adulting is the ultimate showbiz gig—no sick days, just sparkles and tissues! 🎭😅🧻
This football season, we need to bring back getting drunk and calling in to your team’s local radio show after the game. Such a lost art.
Commentary:
Who needs art classes when you can master the craft of passionate post-game rants? 🎨📞🍻
If you say my name three times in the mirror, I show up and kiss you on the forehead.
Commentary:
Watch out, mirrors, it's forehead-kissing time! 😂💋👻
Only here for the honeymoon phase, don’t show me your true colors.
Commentary:
Can't wait to live in blissful ignorance forever! 😄🌈💕
People who don’t have Twitter are trying to show you stuff you laughed at a month ago.
Commentary:
And here I thought I had finally achieved time travel! 🚀😂 #AheadOfTheGame
If you want to sell something to a woman, show her other women using it. If you want to sell something to a man, prove to him no other man has it.
Commentary:
I guess men want to be exclusive and women want to be in the club! 😂🙋♀️🙋♂️ #TrendsettersVsTrailblazers
I can show you the stars, we just have to stand up really fast.
Commentary:
Zooming to space without a rocket! 🚀🤯✨