There will only be world peace if we get another Gangnam Style.

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Went to the hairdresser today and now I look much younger. I’m thinking about going back tomorrow.

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No matter how early you get up, fate always gets up half an hour earlier.

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Working my first office job. Is it normal to have nothing to do?

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Sex is cool, but have you ever had a can opener that actually works?

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My hobbies include adding things to my cart, and never buying them.

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Yogurts should come in a five-pack, not a four-pack, or make the workweek four days.

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I miss my Dad opening the windows and talking about cross-ventilation.

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Floating on a rock in space, but yeah – 9 to 5 sounds reasonable.

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An eye exam where the optometrist makes you read a menu under dim lights.

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Out of all my body parts, I’m sure my eyes are in the best shape. I do at least 463 eye rolls a day.