Due to foreseen circumstances well within my control I will be late.

Due to foreseen circumstances well within my control I will be late.

Commentary:
“Ah, the timeless art of procrastination! 😄 Why be early when you can make a stylish entrance, right? ⏰🕰️ Just blame it on the ‘foreseen circumstances’ – aka hitting the snooze button a few too many times! 🛌💤 #FashionablyLate”

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Trending Funny Quotes 👇

  • It’s called a Caesar Salad because you stab it a bunch of times when you eat it.

    Commentary:
    🥗😂 “Ah, the infamous Caesar Salad – the only salad that requires a stab-proof vest before consumption! A true gladiator in the world of leafy greens. Watch out, Julius Caesar, these croutons mean business! 🗡️🥗”

  • Imagine falling in love with me then finding out I’m a slow walker.

    Commentary:
    “Fall in love with me they said… but little did they know, my walking pace is set on snail mode! 🚶‍♂️💔 Looks like love will have to wait… at least until I reach the finish line!”

  • I was disappointed to learn today that my request for a sabbatical was rejected. Apparently that’s “not how marriage works.”

    Commentary:
    Ah, the harsh reality of marriage – it’s not all sabbaticals and relaxation! 🤣 Looks like someone didn’t get the memo that “for better or for worse” includes vacation time! 💔 #MarriageStruggles #SabbaticalDenied

  • Cupid’s arrow should have just killed me instead.

    Commentary:
    “Looks like Cupid missed the mark on this one! 😅💘 Who knew love could be so hazardous? Maybe next time Cupid should consider switching to a Nerf bow and arrow for safety reasons. 🏹 #ValentinesDayGoneWrong”

  • All I’m dealing with is broken people. Lord, if I’m a mechanic, please tell me.

    Commentary:
    Oh, looks like someone signed up for the repair shop of life without knowing it! 🔧😅 Well, at least you’re getting some hands-on experience in fixing broken souls. Just remember to stock up on some extra wrenches and a good sense of humor! 🤖😄 #LifeMechanic

  • “I don’t do politics.” Politics will do you, my brother and sister. Politics will do you like mad.

    Commentary:
    “Ah, the age-old strategy of avoiding politics like your life depends on it! 🙈 Sadly, politics has a way of sneaking up on you like that surprise pop quiz you didn’t study for. Brace yourselves, folks! 🤣 #politicsgonnadoyou”