Trending Funny Quotes 👇

  • You ever see a woman so beautiful it makes you momentarily mentally ill?
  • You should be able to call out of work if your partner is so cozy and warm in the morning.
  • My ideal vacation would be to drop my family off at the airport and then have a week of peace and quiet.
  • My kids acting shocked there’s ants in my car like they’re not Hansel and Gretel leaving bloody crumb trails.
  • When someone points at your black clothes and asks whose funeral it is, having a look around the room and saying ‘Haven’t decided yet’ is typically a good response.
  • Being single is so crazy. What do you mean there’s No One?