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10,000+ funny quotes

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Someone from 🇲🇾 has bookmarked:

Is it cool if I come into your life and just never leave, like a stray cat?

Someone from 🇭🇺 has bookmarked:

I hate it when someone asks me what I did yesterday. I don’t know. Breathed a lot, probably got mad at something … sighed heavily. The list goes on.

Someone from 🇬🇲 has bookmarked:

That awkward moment you can’t understand what somebody is saying after they have repeated it about five times.

Someone from 🇪🇬 has bookmarked:

Whenever I lose my faith in justice, I look at the high school beauties from back then today. Then I’m fine again.

Someone from 🇳🇵 has downloaded:

I never argue, I just explain why I’m right.

Someone from 🇧🇧 has shared:

Dear people who talk on speakerphone out in public. Everyone around you hates you.

Someone from 🇧🇴 has copied:

Kind of miraculous how much love can be summoned and how much your day can be improved by just looking at an animal and saying stuff in a weird voice.

Someone from 🇧🇼 has shared:

“Are you seeing someone?” Like a hallucination, therapist, or a guy?

Someone from 🇸🇬 has downloaded:

It’s not too early to go to sleep. Too early only applies to waking up.

Someone from 🇹🇹 has shared:

I’m always looking for new and exciting ways to give up.

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

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3,495

Social Media Log 💫

Going viral on Pinterest:

If I could go back in time, I’d probably stop Bruce Willis from saving us from that asteroid.

Seen just now on LinkedIn:

I want my house spotless, but kicking my kids out seems wrong.

Spreading quickly via YouTube:

I can’t wait to see my older sister so she can point out I have more gray hair than she does.

Trending via Facebook:

Why do women complain about size but moan when fingered?

Going bananas on Instagram:

I’m still waiting for the day my parents will say, “It’s all fake, we are millionaires, this was just to teach you to be humble”.

Just shared via Reddit:

If only men knew the power “I made reservations, I’ll pick you up at 7” held instead of “I don’t know, whatever you wanna do.”

Just shared via Pinterest:

I never give second chances, just 10 and then goodbye.

Shared recently on Telegram:

Had a shower and put on clean pajamas. It was a productive day.

Seen just now on TikTok:

Kind of rude you didn’t wake me up before you went went.

Just shared via Facebook:

Just drafted the drunk text I’m going to send after one drink this weekend.

Adulting means growing hair in places you’re not supposed to and losing hair in places you don’t want to.

3 weeks ago

Funny Quotes

Witty quote about adulting struggles with hair growth and loss, humorous and relatable.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Welcome to the delightful world of adulting, where the hair growth is unpredictable and the balding is selective! 🧔🚫💇‍♀️"

adulthood, adulting, body, changes, growing, hair, humor, life, losing, means, want

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Social Media Stars ⭐

93 shares on Instagram this month:

How long do you actually have to wear a muscle shirt until you get muscles?

69 shares on Instagram this month:

The list of women who haven’t slept with me is really impressive.

48 shares on Discord this month:

The only thing I miss from my past is that flat stomach I had.

13 shares on X this month:

Wiping my hands on my pants before I’m shaking someone’s hand, so they spend the rest of the day wondering what I just touched.

37 shares on X this month:

Coffee doesn’t even work on me anymore. I just drink it because the taste tricks my brain into thinking I’m a functioning adult.

18 shares on X this month:

God invented war so that Americans can learn geography.

70 shares on X this month:

Once I shot a man with a paintball gun, just to watch him dye.

72 shares on Facebook this month:

20s: LOL! 30s: OMG! 40s: WTF!

45 shares on Telegram this month:

I deserve a love so pure that my nervous system can finally rest.

16 shares on TikTok this month:

Pretty sure they’re naming prescription drugs by just grabbing random Scrabble tiles. “Oh hey, Qdilrox sounds good.”

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇩🇯 has copied:

I don’t care if my parents are disappointed in me, I’m not impressed by them either.

Someone from 🇬🇶 has bookmarked:

I withdraw my argument. I didn’t realize you had a meme to back you up.

Someone from 🇵🇼 has copied:

Me at war: You guys mind if I leave a bit early today?

Someone from 🇹🇬 has viewed:

Not to brag, but I’m on hold and my call is important to them.

Someone from 🇱🇺 has shared:

No email needs to tell me not to reply.

Someone from 🇦🇴 has bookmarked:

Mirror, mirror on the wall, who is the best thirst trap poster of them all?

Someone from 🇾🇪 has viewed:

Kids should get the last name of whichever parent has more followers.

Someone from 🇹🇳 has shared:

Who’s your favorite horror director? Mine’s God.

Someone from 🇬🇳 has viewed:

Restaurants: put your phone down, live in the moment. Also, scan our QR code and browse our menu.

Someone from 🇳🇴 has copied:

Sunday should be 48 hours instead of 24. I need more time to be ready for Monday.

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via Facebook:

My son was praying for “everybody in the world.” If you suddenly start experiencing good fortune, you’re welcome.

Trending via Discord:

Everyone’s all up in arms about how undemocratic the electoral college is and yet we let our weather be decided by a single unelected groundhog.

Going viral on Threads:

“Why don’t you tell us anything anymore?” I’ve updated my privacy policy.

Trending via Pinterest:

We are both insane on the web, I think we can make it work.

Making waves on Pinterest:

I’m letting go of all earthly attachment — exactly like Buddha, except for the things I like and want.

Spotted on Instagram:

Super excited about a brand new day of ignoring my problems.

Just landed via Telegram:

Refusing to attend my brother’s gambling intervention until they agree to call it a slot shaming.

Freshly posted on Snapchat:

I’m optimistic, in a pessimistic way.

Shared recently on YouTube:

I feel for my kids, who had to take in the groceries and put them away today. They may never recover from this traumatic experience.

Seen just now on WhatsApp:

If I’m not back in five minutes, just wait longer.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Adulting means growing hair in places you’re not supposed to and losing hair in places you don’t want to.

Every Stranger Things scene is just a guy in a wig being like, ‘We have to stop them.’

It’s like 10,000 Tupperwares when all you need is a lid.

If you stare at your face in the back of a spoon you look a lot like someone who doesn’t know how to use cutlery.

My yoga instructor was drunk today. Put me in a very awkward position.

Workplace Wrapped: you had 60k minutes of meetings this year that could’ve been an email.

I wish my hair had as much volume as my mouth.

Social Media Stars ⭐

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Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Adulting means growing hair in places you’re not supposed to and losing hair in places you don’t want to.

Keep the laugh going 😂

Every Stranger Things scene is just a guy in a wig being like, ‘We have to stop them.’

It’s like 10,000 Tupperwares when all you need is a lid.

If you stare at your face in the back of a spoon you look a lot like someone who doesn’t know how to use cutlery.

My yoga instructor was drunk today. Put me in a very awkward position.

Workplace Wrapped: you had 60k minutes of meetings this year that could’ve been an email.

I wish my hair had as much volume as my mouth.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨