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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇲🇱 has shared:

I’m gonna get my vasectomy done at Home Depot like a real man.

Someone from 🇧🇬 has bookmarked:

Just got chills imagining what Tom and Jerry could accomplish if they just worked together for once.

Someone from 🇸🇧 has downloaded:

If your girlfriend doesn’t go a little psycho on you from time to time, then she’s not in love with you, sweetie.

Someone from 🇫🇯 has shared:

It’s all fun and games until you send the clapping emoji instead of the prayer hands when commenting on the news of a death in the family.

Someone from 🇮🇸 has shared:

Becoming a man doesn’t happen the first time you fight or make love. It happens the first time you see the gas bill and remind everyone that we aren’t trying to heat the outside.

Someone from 🇸🇱 has viewed:

My friends have canceled our dinner plans two nights in a row. I’m starting to think they don’t like dinner.

Someone from 🇹🇩 has downloaded:

Some people spend a fortune so they can circle the world. I drink some beer and the world circles around me.

Someone from 🇬🇭 has bookmarked:

The science between bragging about a man and him disappointing you immediately after needs to be studied.

Someone from 🇱🇸 has shared:

I like how the Tooth Fairy got the job, and then subbed it out to everyone’s parents. That’s called “business savvy.”

Someone from 🇬🇲 has copied:

I am on my second week of biweekly pay so today I will be showing you how to make a quesadilla out of paper towels.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

215 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,484

Funny Quotes Topics

17,554

Funny Quotes Images

15,484

Jan 5, 2026

3,463

Social Media Log 💫

Trending via Reddit:

After a vacation, I usually return to work with a fresh, reenergized hatred for my job.

Broadcasted on Pinterest:

I automatically assume everyone finds me unattractive until they tell me otherwise, and then I assume that they are lying to make fun of me.

Going viral on WhatsApp:

If you can’t laugh at yourself, I will.

Freshly posted on Pinterest:

Once you find a pair of pants that fit you perfectly, it’s over for all your other pants.

Spotted on Reddit:

My curse was lifted. Do you want to hang out?

Shared recently on YouTube:

Those who run away from me are afraid that they might confess their love to me.

Freshly posted on Messenger:

It’s not too early to go to sleep. Too early only applies to waking up.

Spotted on Facebook:

I was having a great Friday until I found out it was Thursday.

Trending via Facebook:

According to my Spotify Wrapped, I am what got played the most this year.

Going viral on Messenger:

Gonna run this by my two best friends who are as insane as I am.

Asian parents give you unmoanable names so you can focus on your studies.

6 months ago

0

Asian parents give you unmoanable names so you can focus on your studies.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
When your name sounds like a scientific term, but you've got a PhD in concentration 🤓📚🤣

Asian, Asian parent, cultural, cultural stereotype, focus, give, humor, name, names, parent, parents, stereotype, study

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

It’s so cold that men who wear shorts outside in the winter are wearing TWO pairs of shorts.

0

2 months ago

clothing, cold, humor, men, outside, shorts, wear, winter
I would really like to meet this “other candidate” who keeps taking all the jobs I’ve been applying to.

0

5 months ago

application, applying, candidate, competition, frustration, humor, i, interview, job, jobs, keeps, meet, taking
My role at Thanksgiving dinner is to Blair Witch it alone in the corner.

0

1 month ago

alone, awkwardness, blair, Blair Witch, corner, dinner, family, humor, role, Thanksgiving, witch
Passwords are like underwear: You shouldn’t leave them out where people can see them, you should change them regularly, and you shouldn’t loan them out to strangers.

0

2 months ago

change, humor, leave, password, people, personal, privacy, security, strangers, underwear
For Halloween I will go to the beach dressed as a french fry and let the seagulls destroy me.

0

2 months ago

activity, beach, costume, destroy, dressed, food, french, french fry, fry, fun, fun activity, Halloween, humor, i, let, me, seagull, wildlife
If I got possessed demonically, I wouldn’t even notice it. With everything else I’ve got going on.

0

2 months ago

chaos, demon, else, even, everything, going, going on, humor, i, notice, possession

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

60 shares on Discord this month:

My car accidentally drove to a burger shop again. I hate when it does that.

11 shares on Twitch this month:

My Uber driver didn’t try to talk to me the entire ride. Five stars.

95 shares on Messenger this month:

Adults should not be twins. Being twins is for children.

85 shares on Pinterest this month:

They should make the last foot of dental floss red so you know when you’re about to run out.

35 shares on YouTube this month:

Once you love wide-leg pants, there is no going back from that.

70 shares on Facebook this month:

People don’t have demonically glowing red eyes in photographs like they used to.

34 shares on Discord this month:

You can always tell when a man’s mustache is performative and not representative of his true spirit.

47 shares on Telegram this month:

I’m not actively avoiding you. I don’t actively do anything.

31 shares on Snapchat this month:

If you breakdance you buy dance.

11 shares on YouTube this month:

If you’re cremated after you die, you can be put into an hourglass and continue to participate in family game night.

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

17 folks are currently checking 👀

They should invent health insurance that insures your health.

10 folks are currently checking 👀

Facebook is extremely over-engineered for a birthday reminder app.

25 folks are currently checking 👀

The man who invented autocorrect has died. Restaurant in peace.

18 folks are currently checking 👀

I need to know the brand of toothbrush my neighbor has. I hear it buzzing sometimes an hour at a time and she’s clearly enjoying it.

21 folks are currently checking 👀

Twitter is like a mental hospital where everyone thinks they are the only sane person and everyone else is crazy.

13 folks are currently checking 👀

The biggest problem with finding another job is I don’t want one.

14 folks are currently checking 👀

The feelings I have for Tom Cruise are the closest approximation I have to what patriotism must feel like.

8 folks are currently checking 👀

By the way, if you don’t buy anything on Black Friday, you can save up to 100%.

5 folks are currently checking 👀

I can’t believe there was a time in my life when someone had to make me take a nap.

12 folks are currently checking 👀

If I block you and you email me, you’re getting another chance.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

215 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,484

Funny Quotes Topics

17,554

Funny Quotes Images

15,484

Updated

Jan 5, 2026

Users Online

3,355

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇰🇳 has bookmarked:

When you really want to slap someone, do it and say, “Mosquito!

Someone from 🇮🇸 has bookmarked:

The most unrealistic part of cooking shows is when they have enough room in their fridge to fit an entire baking sheet.

Someone from 🇪🇸 has viewed:

Sometimes you really do write a whole poem just to give one beautiful phrase a home.

Someone from 🇲🇷 has copied:

I’m so lazy, I let my battles pick me.

Someone from 🇱🇰 has viewed:

I asked Tom Hanks for his autograph, but all he wrote was thanks.

Someone from 🇨🇺 has copied:

I really love playing chess with elderly people in the park, but it’s just really hard to find thirty-two of them willing to do it.

Someone from 🇳🇴 has copied:

Nothing is more fake than my friendliness on the phone at work.

Someone from 🇯🇵 has copied:

Make your salad taste better by putting it between bread, meat, cheese, and Big Mac sauce.

Someone from 🇦🇺 has bookmarked:

The smaller the woman, the bigger the attitude. It’s science.

Someone from 🇳🇿 has shared:

Some days you’re the quick brown fox and other days you’re the lazy dog.

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via Messenger:

Do people who love escape rooms not know about IKEA?

Just landed via Messenger:

A dating app for people who self sabotage called Hinder.

Just landed via Twitch:

An evil genius rising to a position of power is bad but it makes sense at least. Feels insulting we’re constantly seeing evil idiots doing it instead.

Going viral on Facebook:

I love it when God gives me money.

Broadcasted on Messenger:

My red flag is that I don’t make playlists on Spotify. I just add every song I’ve ever liked to the ‘Liked Songs’ playlist and shuffle that, like an iPod.

Just landed via Reddit:

There is a reason I’m single and it’s called my face.

Making waves on Threads:

Could you set a lightsaber on low and use it as a back scratcher?

Shared recently on Threads:

Snow White and the seven dwarves of the menopause; Itchy, Bitchy, Sweaty, Sleepy, Bloated, Forgetful, and Psycho.

Live now on YouTube:

Hobbies include being misunderstood.

Seen just now on LinkedIn:

Police cars should play ice cream truck music when they’re pulling you over for something minor.

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