149 funny give quotes - Wordgag

If you get bitten by a snake and you’re not sure if it was poisonous, simply wait to see if you die or not. That should give you your answer.

May 30, 2026

Any room can be a panic room if you just give me a few minutes.

May 30, 2026

My favorite genre of tweet is conservative guy asking Grok, ‘Is this true?’ and then arguing with it when it doesn’t give him the answer he likes.

May 30, 2026

I don’t give people directions. What if no one wants them there?

May 30, 2026

I only trust people who give off unemployable energy.

May 30, 2026

Just told my cat I’d give her 500 bucks to stop meowing.

May 30, 2026

Telling the cop I’ll give him his nose back if he lowers his firearm.

May 30, 2026

Give yourself time to heal. A couple of decades should do it.

May 30, 2026

What’s wrong, babe? You hardly touched your own advice you give to others.

May 30, 2026

Asian parents give you unmoanable names so you can focus on your studies.

May 30, 2026

Drugs and alcohol take years off your life and give them to Keith Richards.

May 30, 2026

Addicted to bad posture. Omggg, why is it so comfortable to give yourself scoliosis?

May 30, 2026

Plot twist: the universe is waiting for you to give it a sign.

May 30, 2026

Having a job is insane because they give you actual money in exchange for pressing the buttons.

May 29, 2026

If you break up with the same person enough times, you eventually get married. Never give up.

May 29, 2026

You will give your period 50 acres of prime pad, and it will still choose to encroach on your underwear.

May 29, 2026

Lord, take away my suffering and give it to anyone who’s ever said, ‘Hey, Grok.’

May 29, 2026

I hear the responses my young siblings give my mom, and I’m speechless; they don’t know the commando she was in her prime.

May 29, 2026

Christmas is a very special time when I give my brother a $100 gift card, and he gives me a $100 gift card.

May 29, 2026

Bedtime procrastination isn’t a sleep issue. It’s a control issue. It’s about refusing to give up the last part of the day that feels like yours.

May 29, 2026

Imagine giving someone your heart at Christmas, but the very next day they give it away. Haha, would feel so stupid.

May 29, 2026

It’s so beautiful to see people just give up at work this time of year. I’m getting emails that do not include any complete sentences.

May 29, 2026

Car insurance should give you back money at the end of the year for having no accidents.

May 29, 2026

Bartender asked me to give his place a one-star Google review to keep the vibe lowkey. Insane method.

May 29, 2026

People who don’t like pickles are so important because they give me their pickles.

May 29, 2026

My wife just pulled me into the other room, and I thought she wanted to have a serious talk, but she just wanted to give me M&M’s without the kids seeing.

May 29, 2026

Interviewer: Give an example of a difficult scenario and how you handled it. Me: I poured a bowl of cereal but had no milk, so I used ice cream.

May 29, 2026

“Are you busy tomorrow?” My dear, that entirely depends on the rest of the information you’re about to give me.

May 28, 2026

Men be like: I would love the opportunity to give you the bare minimum.

May 28, 2026

Why is smoking the only addiction jobs give you breaks to do? I should get 15 minutes every hour to cook up some parlays.

May 28, 2026

If you’re going to give me some food for thought, it had better be a pizza, or I’m out.

May 28, 2026

I love icebreakers. They really give me time to anxiously reflect on what the most fun fact about me is, while I don’t listen to anyone else at all.

May 28, 2026

Fun prank: make people study for many years, and then don’t give them jobs.

May 28, 2026

You can tell it’s desperate times the way spam messages have gone from fantasies like ‘I am a prince and I want to give you money’ to ‘I am an HR manager and I have a real job for you!’

May 28, 2026

I can’t believe that it’s our turn to give money to our nephews and nieces.

May 28, 2026

Don’t give up on your dreams. If cauliflower can be pizza and zucchini can be noodles, you too can be anything you want.

May 28, 2026

Can someone please just give me a participation trophy for making it through today, please?

May 28, 2026

So we have actual fact checkers who know all the facts? Why not create a TV channel where they just give us the facts? We could call it the News.

May 28, 2026

Whoever has my voodoo doll, if you could take some stuffing out of the midsection and give it a little forehead kiss, that would be great.

May 28, 2026

I miss having that butterfly feeling. People give me roach vibes at this point.

May 28, 2026