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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇲🇪 has shared:

Just got my test results back and my cholesterol level is a cheese bratwurst.

Someone from 🇮🇶 has copied:

The sweet spot is just enough pain to know you’re alive, but not quite enough to wish you were dead.

Someone from 🇻🇨 has shared:

Men’s jeans have bigger pockets to help them carry all their audacity.

Someone from 🇨🇻 has shared:

If you play guitar in a band, always make sure to look like it hurts to play.

Someone from 🇧🇳 has downloaded:

Sorry, boss, I can’t come in to work today, I’m gonna be playing outside.

Someone from 🇬🇪 has shared:

I am sick and tired of going to the bathroom. It’s been forty years. It should all be out by now.

Someone from 🇲🇩 has copied:

Them: OMG, I haven’t seen you in so long. Me: Yeah, that was on purpose.

Someone from 🇯🇲 has downloaded:

With my staggering 91% survival rate, you’d be a fool to hire another dog sitter.

Someone from 🇵🇰 has copied:

Opened two gifts this morning, and they were my eyes.

Someone from 🇮🇷 has bookmarked:

My kids practically have medical degrees they’re at the nurse so much.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Updated

Dec 31, 2025

Users Online

3,324

Social Media Log 💫

Trending via Pinterest:

You should be able to donate somebody else’s body to science.

Just shared via X:

A big part of aging is accumulating keys and not knowing what they’re for.

Shared recently on Twitch:

We’re all mature, until someone pulls out some bubble wrap.

Seen just now on Telegram:

Is this simulation from Temu?

Live now on Pinterest:

I was telling my sister that I’ve been going to the gym recently, and my nephew said, “You should go inside when you get there,” and I don’t think I’ll ever recover from that.

Spotted on WeChat:

“You never text back.” No, I be reading texts from the notification bar, then forget to text back.

Spotted on Threads:

I’m not a morning person. I’m not even an afternoon person. I pretty much start functioning after 6pm.

Shared recently on Snapchat:

I’m implementing a new policy in my house: any child who is awake past bedtime can either go to sleep or clean the house, no exceptions.

Shared recently on YouTube:

I hate starting new relationships. I gotta act like I ain’t crazy for two months.

Just landed via Threads:

Do regular dogs see police dogs and think, “Oh no, it’s a cop”?

Being anti-AI right now feels like being one of the few unbitten humans in a zombie apocalypse.

3 weeks ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Trying to be anti-AI now is like trying to convince zombies you're not for dinner 🧟‍♂️🤖🍽️

AI, anti-AI, apocalypse, being, comparison, feels, human, humans, humor, right, zombie, zombie apocalypse

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

The number one rule of Thanksgiving dinner is take your own vehicle so you can leave on your own terms.

0

2 months ago

dinner, family, humor, independence, leave, number, own, rule, rules, take, terms, Thanksgiving, vehicle
Life is so dull when you don’t have someone to flirt with.

0

2 months ago

companionship, dull, flirt, fun, humor, life, relationship, someone
The highest act of rebellion is to relax unconditionally.

0

2 months ago

act, rebellion, relax, relaxation, unconditional
Sometimes I think I’m too old to make a career change. But then I remember how Walter White went from high school teacher to drug kingpin. Anything is possible!

0

2 months ago

age, career, career change, change, drug, drug kingpin, high, high school teacher, humor, i, inspiration, kingpin, old, possibility, remember, school, teacher, think, too, walter, Walter White, white
Welcome to Twitter, where people never let their lack of knowledge get in the way of expressing a strong opinion.

0

2 months ago

commentary, expression, humor, knowledge, lack, let, media, never, opinion, people, social, social media, strong, Twitter, welcome, where
My mom is asking each ornament, “Where do you want to live?” before putting them on the tree.

0

1 week ago

asking, before, Christmas, Christmas tree, decoration, family, holiday, live, mom, ornament, putting, tradition, tree, want, where

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎉🥂 New Year Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

92 shares on X this month:

You gotta separate the art from the artist. Like, for example, sometimes the artist is really nice but their art sucks.

13 shares on Twitch this month:

How great is it to do absolutely nothing and follow it up by taking a rest.

42 shares on Reddit this month:

Unfortunately, I have the paper towel habit of a much wealthier man.

52 shares on Discord this month:

Attention to detail is so sexy, study me, baby.

61 shares on Reddit this month:

Not now darling, mummy’s influencing on the www.

48 shares on Discord this month:

“Don’t shoot your gun at the hurricane” the government says. I’ll do my own research, thanks.

84 shares on Pinterest this month:

My kid asked me if I’ve ever experienced hallucinations, which is an odd thing to ask considering I don’t have any kids.

95 shares on Facebook this month:

Them: I haven’t seen you in a long time. Me: You’re welcome.

36 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Does anyone know how to lower the difficulty setting on my life?

35 shares on Telegram this month:

70% of marriage is yelling “What” from a different room.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇦🇴 has shared:

Flat earth is too mainstream, hollow earth is where it’s at.

Someone from 🇳🇴 has downloaded:

Live, laugh, lie to the doctor about how many drinks you have per week.

Someone from 🇲🇽 has downloaded:

I’m officially at the age where I’m not upgrading my phone until it stops working.

Someone from 🇿🇲 has shared:

If I was a mythical creature, I’d be a Sighclops.

Someone from 🇨🇬 has downloaded:

I’m not religious, but if someone is turning water into wine, let’s take a second look.

Someone from 🇹🇴 has downloaded:

If nothing lasts forever, will you be my nothing?

Someone from 🇲🇽 has shared:

One of the top features of squirrels, for me, has got to be that squirreliness.

Someone from 🇳🇬 has copied:

She’s got style, she’s got grace, she crams french fries in her face.

Someone from 🇹🇹 has copied:

Me, when a 25-year-old talks to me: please be patient with me, I’m from the 1900s.

Someone from 🇲🇨 has downloaded:

My dog just tracked and successfully located a folium lanceolatum, more commonly known as a leaf.

Social Media Log 💫

Going viral on Twitch:

I hate when an old man tries to friend me on Facebook and then I realize we went to high school together.

Live now on Messenger:

Toilets are not a crime scene, traces may be removed!

Breaking via TikTok:

Third wheeling with two girls who are best friends is so much worse than third wheeling a couple.

Going viral on Messenger:

At the first signs of a sore throat, you should be given the option of just skipping four days into the future.

Going viral on X:

We all have needs. I need my wife to go run errands so I can swipe the last donut.

Going bananas on WhatsApp:

Worst part about not buying snacks so you won’t eat snacks is not having snacks when you need a lil snack.

Seen just now on Snapchat:

In filling out an application, where it says, “In case of emergency notify”, I put “Doctor.”

Spreading quickly via Pinterest:

This gratitude journal looks a lot like a grocery list.

Seen just now on YouTube:

Prior to the arrival of Paper and Scissors, Rock faced no competition.

Broadcasted on Slack:

You’re a “haha” girl, and I’m an “lol” guy. It just wouldn’t work.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Being anti-AI right now feels like being one of the few unbitten humans in a zombie apocalypse.

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

The number one rule of Thanksgiving dinner is take your own vehicle so you can leave on your own terms.

Life is so dull when you don’t have someone to flirt with.

The highest act of rebellion is to relax unconditionally.

Sometimes I think I’m too old to make a career change. But then I remember how Walter White went from high school teacher to drug kingpin. Anything is possible!

Welcome to Twitter, where people never let their lack of knowledge get in the way of expressing a strong opinion.

My mom is asking each ornament, “Where do you want to live?” before putting them on the tree.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨