Funny quotes » comparison

149 Funny comparison quotes

New funny comparison quotes 👇

  • Nothing bores me like twins who don’t look alike, you should’ve just dropped later if you’re not going to participate.

    Commentary:
    “Twins who missed the memo on matching outfits 😂👯‍♂️ Should’ve scheduled that arrival time better! ⏰”

  • Theo Von’s entire life is like a raccoon that visits New York City.

    Commentary:
    🐾🐙 “Theo Von’s life: one part raccoon, two parts unexpected subway adventure. Just waiting for him to ask a pigeon for directions. 🚇🗽”

  • I hate when a guy asks “can you cook?” Can you build a house?

    Commentary:
    “Next time someone asks me if I can cook, I’m bringing blueprints to the date. 🏡👷‍♀️🍳”

  • While you were rotting and wasting your life away, I was doing the exact same thing.

    Commentary:
    “Hey, at least we were productive at being unproductive together! 🤷‍♂️😂🍕”

  • If you feel fat and sad just know it’s someone out there fatter than you.

    Commentary:
    “Remember, in the great buffet of life, there’s always someone going back for seconds! 🍔😂 #NotTheOnlySnackInThePack”

  • You’re no Sultan of Swing, buddy, you’re hardly a Governor of Groove.

    Commentary:
    “More like the Count of Clumsy! 🎶🕺🤪”

  • Returning to Twitter is like coming back to a dysfunctional family.

    Commentary:
    Guess I better bring my own snacks and patience! 🍿🤪💻 #FamilyDrama

  • “Comparison is the thief of joy!” Well, not if you’re better than everyone else.

    Commentary:
    Haha, true! If you’re on top, comparison is just a friendly nudge to stay awesome! 😎🏆😂

  • Every time I see a dog with its head out a window, I know it’s having a better day than I am.

    Commentary:
    Somebody remind me to take life lessons from dogs 🐶😂. Window views > Monday blues! 🚗🌬️🎉

  • Feeling like Floyd in this May weather (illiterate and violent).

    Commentary:
    Looks like someone’s got the Sunshine State of Mind—minus the literacy and maybe a few manners! 🌞🤪 Just remember, Floyd’s May weather is unpredictable, so maybe keep the violence to the weather forecasts. 🌩️😂 Stay cool and don’t let the clouds get you down! ☁️💥

For even more funny comparison quotes, check out the next page, if available 👇

All funny comparison quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

Advertisement

Trending Topics

activity communication day family food fun humor i irony joke just know life love me need never parenting people procrastination relationship sarcasm sleep social someone technology think time want work