35 funny humans quotes - Wordgag

I’m afraid that AI will quickly realize that the biggest problem on Earth is humans – and then solve the problem.

May 30, 2026

When butterflies fall in love, do they feel humans in their stomachs?

May 29, 2026

Why do humans need jobs? Why can’t I just exist and make art and chill with my cat?

May 29, 2026

Being anti-AI right now feels like being one of the few unbitten humans in a zombie apocalypse.

May 29, 2026

Dogs have two jobs: calm their humans when they are stressed. Stress their humans when they are calm.

May 28, 2026

I hope one day I will sleep before midnight like normal humans do. Every day I sleep tomorrow, even yesterday I slept today.

May 28, 2026

Daily reminder that you’re biologically programmed to get laid, eat good food, connect with other humans, and enjoy yourself. Everything else is literally made up.

May 28, 2026

There should be an Olympics where athletes can take as many drugs as they want. Like, to hell with y’all, let’s see how high humans can really jump.

May 28, 2026

Do the people who make chairs know what humans look like, or nah?

May 27, 2026

Humans are the only species that would cut down trees, make paper out of them, and then write “Save the Trees” on it.

May 27, 2026

The biggest joke on mankind is that computers have started asking humans to prove that they are not robots.

May 27, 2026

Due to inflation, alien abduction no longer comes with free probes. Humans are required to bring their own probes or may purchase a probe on board the spacecraft for a moderate fee.

May 27, 2026

Humans are just chaos wrapped in meat, going bananas on caffeine.

May 26, 2026

I think Bigfoot had it right, stay in hiding from all the shitty human beings.

May 26, 2026

It’s messed up how us humans have to obey all these laws while bears get to eat whoever they want.

May 25, 2026

I don’t think humans were put on this earth to know what Salesforce is. It’s unnatural.

May 24, 2026

Whoever invented the “skip intro” button really understood humans.

May 24, 2026

I would go out more if there weren’t any humans out there.

May 24, 2026

I think humans are meant to lay in bed with the love of their life all winter.

May 24, 2026

The person who invented butter really understood humans.

May 24, 2026

Scientists say humans are the most evolved, but bears get to get fat all summer and then sleep for four months, so who’s really ahead.

May 24, 2026

Humans were not meant to have this many passwords.

May 23, 2026

Humans can accomplish so much, unless it’s parking at a shopping center during the holidays.

May 23, 2026

Like shark attacks on humans, it’s actually extremely rare. The majority of antique, porcelain headed dolls aren’t interested in murdering people.

May 23, 2026

I talk to my dog like she’s human and, like most humans, she looks at me like I’m an idiot.

May 23, 2026

Guns N’ Roses: “Welcome to the jungle!” The jungle: “No more humans, please!”

May 22, 2026

Maybe there’s an alternate universe where onions cry when they chop up humans, you don’t know.

May 22, 2026

Humans should grow a new set of teeth in our 30s to make-up for all the poor decisions in our 20s.

May 21, 2026

People my age are parenting actual humans, and I’m over here promising myself snacks if I fold the laundry.

May 21, 2026

Aliens will always remain unidentified because they’re embarrassed to be associated with us humans.

May 21, 2026

I wish my doctor would put down a little treat to distract me like my vet does for my dog.

May 20, 2026

The first Humans saw the sun go up and then back down, and so they decided to call it a day.

May 20, 2026

Social media has dragged humans back into Plato’s cave, and chained them there.

May 20, 2026

Follow your dreams – ideally in a field that will still require humans when you graduate.

May 19, 2026

I’m always a little mean to men because, if you treat them like humans, they think you wanna sleep with them.

May 19, 2026