Being excited to get in bed really is a different level of adulting.

73 shares on Twitch this month:

I’ll never understand people who go through self-checkout line and slowly and carefully scan their items. This line is for stealing.

42 shares on YouTube this month:

Girls with long hair will literally leave little traces of themselves wherever they go, like feathers falling from an angel’s wings.

49 shares on Snapchat this month:

Don’t let me drive if you’re gonna scream every time we almost die.

73 shares on Telegram this month:

Incense sticks are just disappointing sparklers.

40 shares on Threads this month:

If you ever find yourself mad at me, put a cape on so you can be super mad.

45 shares on Snapchat this month:

Toddlers: I’ve licked everything so everything is mine now.

51 shares on Telegram this month:

I had no idea being an adult would involve so many lotions.

58 shares on WhatsApp this month:

This meeting could have been a push down the stairs.

38 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Here’s to a new year of making the same old mistakes, but with far more enthusiasm.

83 shares on Messenger this month:

If you like Christmas so much, why don’t you merry it?