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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇱🇸 has bookmarked:

The 10 minutes I spend on my mobile before I go to sleep are the best 3 hours of my day.

Someone from 🇸🇱 has viewed:

I’d end my life from loneliness before I ever talk to ChatGPT like it’s my friend.

Someone from 🇰🇳 has downloaded:

Three out of five times, my intuition is right. Not in casinos, though.

Someone from 🇸🇳 has shared:

I hate when flies rub their disgusting little hands together. What could you possibly be plotting? You can’t even get out of the open window.

Someone from 🇸🇹 has copied:

This is not an empty room, this is a very successful anti-party.

Someone from 🇷🇺 has copied:

Stop making eye contact with me, I can’t afford a wedding right now.

Someone from 🇱🇮 has viewed:

There should be a socially acceptable way to say, “I’m not sure what to say to that. Can you please say something different?”.

Someone from 🇪🇪 has downloaded:

What idiot called it Catfishing your Tinder Contacts and not Playing With Matches?

Someone from 🇰🇭 has bookmarked:

Shooting a gun in the air to get everyone’s attention, then immediately getting shy and sheepishly twisting my shoe in the dirt and blinking bashfully.

Someone from 🇦🇿 has shared:

Y’all can keep the nonchalant ones — I want mine weak in the knees about me.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

236 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,505

Funny Quotes Topics

17,570

Funny Quotes Images

15,505

Jan 6, 2026

3,558

Social Media Log 💫

Broadcasted on Messenger:

I don’t understand why bugs come inside when they have a whole outside to themselves.

Spotted on Snapchat:

Please don’t invite me over if you have a leather chair that’s already peeling. I will peel it some more when you’re not looking.

Trending via Slack:

Is it just my dad, or do all fathers watch videos on their phones with the volume full blast, with no concern for anyone else in the house?

Freshly posted on Twitch:

I wish it were social acceptable to say “I don’t care” and walk away mid conversation when you’re bored.

Spotted on Facebook:

You don’t become cooler with age, but you do care progressively less about being cool, which is the only true way of being cool. This is called the Geezer’s Paradox.

Making waves on X:

Sorry boys, but I’ve already got my eyes on a guy who’s not interested.

Just landed via Reddit:

I pray this boy wins in life. I wanna see him on top of me.

Making waves on Discord:

I love Pinterest. No opinions. No bad vibes. Just pretty pictures.

Going bananas on Threads:

I can sing all the words to the intro song of DuckTales, what’s your flex?

Freshly posted on Twitch:

If I had today’s mind, I wouldn’t have made yesterday’s mistake. But if I hadn’t made yesterday’s mistake, I wouldn’t have today’s mind.

Congratulations to the sweater, another year of being the most disgustingly named piece of clothing.

2 months ago

0

Congratulations to the sweater, another year of being the most disgustingly named piece of clothing.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Ah, the sweater, the ultimate champion in the world of fashion with a name that definitely raises a few eyebrows! 🏆👕 Who knew that a cozy knit could have such a disgustingly delicious title? 😂 Let's give it up for the sweater, the unsung hero of clothing names! 👏 #SweaterLife

being, clothing, congratulations, disgust, fashion, humor, name, piece, sweater, year

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

The difference between a songbird and a hummingbird is that one of them knows the lyrics.

0

2 months ago

difference, hummingbird, humor, knows, lyrics, music, songbird
A beaver is an otter that has studied architecture.

0

2 months ago

animal, architecture, beaver, humor, otter, study
What a time to be alive! (Derogatory)

0

2 months ago

alive, derogatory, exclamation, expression, humor, irony, life, modern, modern life, sarcasm, time
My credit score is a family of raccoons hissing over a McRib.

0

2 months ago

credit, credit score, family, hissing, humor, McRib, over, raccoon, score
The first sin in the Bible was eating an apple. The second was murder. That escalated quickly.

0

2 months ago

apple, bible, eating, escalate, humor, irony, murder, religion, second, sin, storytelling
Your eyes water when you yawn because you miss your bed and it makes you sad.

0

2 months ago

bed, eyes, humor, longing, miss, sad, sleep, tiredness, water, yawn

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

84 shares on Pinterest this month:

I start off my mornings with coffee and low expectations.

22 shares on Slack this month:

Why can’t I explore the dentist’s mouth too?

94 shares on YouTube this month:

I think adults need summer vacation. Like, let’s just close down all our jobs for three months and play outside. Please. I’m so tired.

55 shares on Reddit this month:

Turns out my superpower is the ability to go into incredible detail in completely the wrong direction.

63 shares on Threads this month:

My greatest aspiration is to one day solve a murder on a train.

73 shares on Snapchat this month:

Dr. Pepper just unseated Pepsi as the second most popular soda in America. Don’t tell me that getting your PhD isn’t worth it.

77 shares on TikTok this month:

Who really needs jetpacks, I want to be able to start over from my last save point.

67 shares on Telegram this month:

Getting a wife is very powerful, because you get a personal psychic that will tell you things like, “Your keys are in the gray pants in the hamper,” and “He will ultimately betray you.”

81 shares on YouTube this month:

When I worked as a restaurant critic, I wrote under a nom nom nom de plume.

79 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Sometimes you have to sit back and imagine what life could be if it wasn’t a horrifying nightmare.

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

5 folks are currently checking 👀

Some people believe the appendix is a vestigial organ, that its use has long since passed. I think it’s primordial. Its use has yet to come.

24 folks are currently checking 👀

I’ve never wished a man dead, but I’ve read some obituaries with great pleasure.

9 folks are currently checking 👀

Centaurs can’t wipe their asses.

18 folks are currently checking 👀

Stop bringing shitty Bluetooth speakers on hikes. No one came to the woods to hear you listen to Katy Perry.

12 folks are currently checking 👀

Lifting my wife’s wedding veil and finding out she’s Darth Maul.

19 folks are currently checking 👀

It’s always “you’re so cute when you’re mad,” until the house is on fire.

18 folks are currently checking 👀

Rain cancels plans, upsetting some and delighting others.

23 folks are currently checking 👀

You know who else works in mysterious ways? Me.

18 folks are currently checking 👀

Stop wasting your money on beauty products. The secret to looking young is to wear a baseball cap with a propeller on it.

12 folks are currently checking 👀

I’m like a candle: I’m cute, I smell nice, and there’s a pretty good chance I’ll set your curtains on fire if left unattended.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

236 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,505

Funny Quotes Topics

17,570

Funny Quotes Images

15,505

Updated

Jan 6, 2026

Users Online

3,462

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇴🇲 has copied:

Hold on, let me overthink this.

Someone from 🇳🇴 has viewed:

I’m glad I have boobs. The last thing I need is people making eye contact with me.

Someone from 🇮🇷 has shared:

Tupperware is filing for bankruptcy. They would have kept a lid on the news but they couldn’t find one.

Someone from 🇨🇿 has bookmarked:

It’s important to get out of the house every once in a while to get excited about going home.

Someone from 🇹🇳 has copied:

“I could see myself living here,” I said, in a different city for more than 24 hours.

Someone from 🇫🇯 has downloaded:

When you’re using Grok, the A in Al just stands for Adolf.

Someone from 🇰🇬 has copied:

“I’m not falling for that again,” I say, as I’m about to fall for whatever that is again.

Someone from 🇮🇪 has viewed:

Am I just getting older, or are people getting more annoying?

Someone from 🇦🇲 has bookmarked:

My superpower? I can look you dead in the face while you’re talking and not hear a damn word you said.

Someone from 🇦🇬 has viewed:

A girl, her bed, and TV series on a Friday evening is a true love story.

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via Facebook:

In the 80s, you could literally shrink your kids with a shrink-ray, and your wife wouldn’t divorce you. I’m pretty sure I saw a documentary film about it.

Making waves on Snapchat:

I may be sensitive, but everyone else could be a little kinder, too.

Breaking via WhatsApp:

I stopped understanding math when the alphabet decided to get involved.

Trending via LinkedIn:

No, sorry, next week won’t work. I’ll be a shadow of what I once was.

Just landed via Snapchat:

Accidentally made eye contact with the sweets at the grocery store and now have to declare bankruptcy.

Freshly posted on Reddit:

Rappers be making you feel guilty for no reason at all: “You was in the house eating dinner while I was in the streets hungry”. Like my fault, bro.

Just shared via WeChat:

I wrote a book. It’s a murder mystery. You’re in it but only for the first couple of chapters.

Spotted on Snapchat:

I just want what every middle-aged person wants: to remember what it was that I wanted.

Just landed via TikTok:

My toxic trait is treating my glasses like they’re not the most expensive thing I wear everyday.

Just landed via X:

Most venomous snakes just make “Tsssss”. But I know some that say “Hi”.

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