26 funny piece quotes - Wordgag

I dreamt this night that I had died and when I woke up, a piece of me was actually already stiff.

May 21, 2026

I love all the Winter Olympic events, sliding downhill on a piece of wood, sliding downhill on two pieces of wood, sliding downhill in a piece of wood. All amazing.

May 21, 2026

Hired a financial advisor, and his first piece of advice was that I don’t make nearly enough money to justify paying a financial advisor.

May 21, 2026

Can’t, trying to piece together today’s news from social media posts.

May 21, 2026

Congratulations to the sweater, another year of being the most disgustingly named piece of clothing.

May 21, 2026

Remember when tweets were like: party rocking with a mouse tonight. Piece of cheese gonna have a big bite.

May 20, 2026

Does anyone know if there’s a career in being a piece of shit?

May 20, 2026

The best piece of dating advice I’ve ever received is “If they like you, you’ll know. If they don’t, you’ll be confused.” Honestly, it’s all you need to know.

May 20, 2026

Men call us “gold diggers” when we expect them to pay for a meal. Honey, a gold digger goes after yachts, not a piece of chicken.

May 19, 2026

We’ve historically done extremely well with regime change, so this should be a piece of cake.

Apr 1, 2026

If you get cremated after you die, you can be put into an hourglass and still participate in family game nights.

Mar 31, 2026

Putting together a piece of furniture today, so my kids are about to learn swear words that haven’t even been invented yet.

Mar 31, 2026

Party rock is in the mouse tonighttt, piece of cheese I’m gonna take a big biteee.

Mar 31, 2026

Just saw a piece of jewelry made in the 80s described as “vintage,” so I’ll be laying down the rest of the day.

Mar 30, 2026

If you’re riding in my car, that little middle piece is for my elbow — not yours.

Mar 29, 2026

“I saw your ex!” A very unnecessary piece of information.

Mar 29, 2026

Chuck Norris can rub two fires together to get a piece of wood.

Mar 28, 2026

Receipts are like: Take this tiny piece of paper home with you and throw it away.

Mar 28, 2026

My favorite thing to do at the gym is stay home and eat a piece of cake.

Mar 27, 2026

A piece of chocolate contains just enough energy to take another one.

Mar 26, 2026

The dude who invented the autocorrect has died. Restaurant in piece.

Mar 26, 2026

Teens be like, “You know that crumbled up piece of paper that’s been on the table all week? I need it for school.”

Mar 26, 2026

I don’t understand why my husband has to pay for a UFC fight when he could just throw one piece of candy on the floor in front of our kids.

Mar 26, 2026

Tech enthusiasts: My entire house is smart. Tech workers: The only piece of technology in my house is a printer, and I keep a gun next to it so I can shoot it if it makes a noise I don’t recognize.

Mar 25, 2026

My opinion of the American education system is largely based on how many nuggets I get when I order a ten piece.

Mar 25, 2026

Signatures are so unserious, just “pinky promise” for adults. Write your name in a silly little way on this very important piece of paper so we that we can send you to jail if you do anything wrong.

Mar 25, 2026