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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇸🇬 has bookmarked:

I’m fairly certain the person who put the first “r” in February also decided how to spell Wednesday.

Someone from 🇵🇪 has downloaded:

All arguments are solvable. The trick? Get naked.

Someone from 🇦🇸 has bookmarked:

I’m going to hell if anybody needs anything.

Someone from 🇵🇬 has shared:

Smash Mouth was so right, the years really do start coming and they don’t stop coming.

Someone from 🇨🇺 has viewed:

Jewelry stores should just be like: Whether you’re trying to be nice or trying to get laid, we got you covered.

Someone from 🇦🇿 has viewed:

I just need a day between everyday… to recover from the day before… just so I can prepare for the day coming.

Someone from 🇧🇳 has downloaded:

I don’t have any patience because it takes too long.

Someone from 🇧🇼 has shared:

I was 21 when I was 15, that’s why everything’s boring now.

Someone from 🇯🇲 has viewed:

Since I’ve stayed away from most people, I get on much better with people.

Someone from 🇨🇭 has downloaded:

He thinks I’m so smart because I read books. Baby, they is FAWKING in these books.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Dec 31, 2025

3,289

Social Media Log 💫

Seen just now on Threads:

Life would be so much easier if the nose of people who lie all the time did actually grow longer like Pinocchio’s.

Making waves on Threads:

When pregnant women are around, watch what you say. Nowadays, anything will be used as a name.

Shared recently on Threads:

Men make it so easy to hate them.

Shared recently on LinkedIn:

The only thing keeping me from world domination is a good nap.

Making waves on Snapchat:

I don’t want to sleep like a baby, I want to sleep like a cat. 14 hours, no responsibilities, zero regrets.

Seen just now on TikTok:

I kind of enjoy living in a world where I can end a conversation by simply not texting back.

Spotted on Telegram:

Hell hath no fury like a toddler getting his nose wiped.

Making waves on Messenger:

I want to make you say, “Oh God,” in a way that makes God nervous.

Breaking via Slack:

Lucky for me, I don’t have enough friends for an intervention.

Freshly posted on Instagram:

Why do parents bust in your room like they trying to catch you cheating on them with another pair of parents or something?

Did it hurt, when my ice cream outlasted yours?

2 months ago

0

Did it hurt, when my ice cream outlasted yours?

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Looks like my ice cream skills are just too COOL for you to handle! 🍦😎 Sorry for the brain freeze! 😂"

competition, contest, cream, dessert, eating, eating contest, humor, hurt, ice, ice cream, playful, playful teasing, teasing, yours

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

First date idea: unlock and switch phones with the other person for exactly two minutes and if no one is horrified then the date continues.

0

2 months ago

activity, awkward, awkward moments, date, exactly, first date, fun, fun activity, humor, icebreaker, idea, minutes, moments, person, phones, relationship, surprise, switch
I like my mornings to be slow and quiet. I want the day to romance me a bit before it tries to mess me up.

0

2 months ago

before, bit, day, i, me, mess, mess up, morning, mornings, quiet, romance, slow, want
Me, waiting on an email: What the hell is taking so long, this is ridiculous. Me, sending an email: this can probably wait another three weeks or so.

0

2 months ago

another, communication, email, expectations, hell, humor, irony, me, patience, procrastination, ridiculous, wait, waiting, weeks
I don’t mind being fully naked or my top half being naked, but I hate being naked from the waist down only. This is why I could never be a cartoon duck.

0

2 months ago

being, body, cartoon, clothing, duck, half, hate, humor, i, mind, naked, never, preference, top
You ever have your knees crack so good that you expect them to glow in the dark. Yeah, me too.

0

2 months ago

crack, dark, ever, expectation, glow, good, humor, knees, me, relatable, too
If a man says he’ll fix it, he will fix it. There’s no need to remind him every six months.

0

2 months ago

every, fix, forgetfulness, hell, humor, man, months, need, patience, procrastination, promise, reliability, remind, repair, six

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎉🥂 New Year Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

23 shares on WeChat this month:

Good things take time, that’s why I’m always late.

50 shares on Telegram this month:

Curious that talented athletes frequently credit God when they win, but we rarely see them blame God when they lose.

74 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Men be like, “That’s my dream girl,” then ruin her perspective of love forever.

34 shares on Reddit this month:

“Your call is very important to us. Please stay on the line until your call is no longer important to you.”

22 shares on Slack this month:

The goth urge to live in a haunted Victorian estate and be feared by the townspeople.

20 shares on Messenger this month:

My stomach just made the exact sound of the “your” in “your call has been forwarded to an automatic voice messaging system.”

44 shares on Reddit this month:

People who live in glass houses shouldn’t change clothes.

36 shares on Threads this month:

The bad news is I forgot to wear my spaghetti-eating shirt. The good news is I have a new spaghetti-eating shirt.

17 shares on Instagram this month:

People think I’m a minimalist, but I’m just broke.

48 shares on Facebook this month:

If you ever feel useless, remember that there are bathrooms at pools.

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

7 folks are currently checking 👀

I put the hot in psychotic.

15 folks are currently checking 👀

Facebook is like a never-ending high school reunion.

19 folks are currently checking 👀

I should get paid a lot more for being the boss of me.

25 folks are currently checking 👀

Carrying a conversation counts as cardio.

18 folks are currently checking 👀

Sorry I’m late — I was standing in the shower, thinking about stuff.

16 folks are currently checking 👀

The tarot lady on my TikTok said that you miss me.

6 folks are currently checking 👀

I have good problem-solving skills, but my problem-creating skills are where I really shine.

12 folks are currently checking 👀

Eating Chinese takeout is never as depressing as in the movies. It usually is good.

8 folks are currently checking 👀

What doesn’t kill you makes you weird at intimacy.

23 folks are currently checking 👀

You know what’s worse than someone’s phone alarm playing the tune over and over? Someone else who starts whistling along.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Updated

Dec 31, 2025

Users Online

3,306

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇲🇩 has downloaded:

I don’t want to adult today, I just want to dog. I’ll be lying down on the floor in the sun, you can pet me and bring me some snacks.

Someone from 🇰🇮 has viewed:

Being liked at work comes with so many perks, you could be late as hell, and everyone is just happy to see you.

Someone from 🇲🇭 has copied:

After ten true crime podcasts you start to think you could probably solve a murder. After a hundred you start to think you could probably get away with one.

Someone from 🇦🇴 has bookmarked:

Dating apps aren’t working. I’ll see ya at Home Depot, gentlemen.

Someone from 🇧🇹 has shared:

I got bills. They’re multiplying.

Someone from 🇦🇪 has shared:

Responding to all selfies with “this should work.”

Someone from 🇹🇬 has bookmarked:

My dog and I play this game, it’s called “What Are You Chewing On Now?” It goes both ways.

Someone from 🇵🇬 has bookmarked:

Jennifer Lopez and Ben Affleck got engaged, broke up, married other people, had children, reunited, got married, broke up again, and I’ve been single that whole time.

Someone from 🇱🇺 has copied:

I’m really looking forward to another exciting year staring at my phone.

Someone from 🇳🇦 has viewed:

I want to be cuddled, but I also want to be left alone. Being crazy is hard.

Social Media Log 💫

Spotted on Snapchat:

Do you ever feel like you’re a white shirt and life is a red wine?

Shared recently on Reddit:

If my wife and I got divorced and moved to separate states, I’m convinced I would still hear her chewing.

Trending via Instagram:

Deleting dating apps because I want to meet someone the old fashioned way (he and his donkey rescue me from a tower guarded by a dragon).

Spreading quickly via WeChat:

My mom gave me a coffee mug that says “Be your own kind of beautiful” and I’m really trying not to read too much into that.

Making waves on Instagram:

Please don’t match my crazy. One of us has to be rational here, and it’s definitely not going to be me.

Just landed via Slack:

You don’t have to be crazy to be friends with me. I also train people.

Breaking via Telegram:

I can’t blame this generation too much for doing stupid stuff. My generation thought seven Police Academy movies were a good idea.

Trending via Pinterest:

The problem with dating apps is I don’t wanna date someone that would use a dating app.

Going bananas on Messenger:

Careful, “friend”. One more word about Shakira and you might find out just how fast I can draw this blade.

Just landed via Telegram:

Nothing I do for money is passion-based. It’s just pure hatred for being broke.

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