Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇨🇺 has copied:

My new phone is being delivered by Amazon, which means that I can track its movements for a day before it tracks mine for five years.

Someone from 🇨🇺 has viewed:

People who don’t talk to themselves are the weird ones.

Someone from 🇨🇭 has downloaded:

The first time people saw a train coming at them, they ran away in terror.

Someone from 🇱🇹 has copied:

I might look like I have my life together, but that’s only because the mess is out of the camera frame.

Someone from 🇸🇾 has copied:

You got beef with me, but none in your fridge. That’s why you’re mad. You’re hungry.

Someone from 🇳🇷 has viewed:

Today I learned that up to half of the worker ants in a colony are only pretending to work, just looking busy so they don’t get tasked with anything. I respect ants so much more.

Someone from 🇸🇪 has shared:

I be like “communication is the key” then put my phone on do not disturb.

Someone from 🇲🇳 has shared:

Perhaps moths don’t seek the light, but are simply fleeing the darkness.

Someone from 🇲🇻 has viewed:

Due to personal reasons, I’m evil now.

Someone from 🇬🇦 has copied:

No more ragebaiting around me, please. Let’s try joybaiting, perhaps even lovebaiting.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Updated

Dec 31, 2025

Users Online

3,386

Social Media Log 💫

Seen just now on Facebook:

What’s wrong, babe? You hardly touched your own advice you give to others.

Spotted on WeChat:

I don’t dress for women. I don’t dress for men. I dress for the weather, mainly.

Spotted on Threads:

“You don’t look 40.” How am I supposed to look?

Trending via Pinterest:

The first time you forgive out of love. The second time out of hope and the third time out of stupidity.

Making waves on X:

Sure, sex is great, but have you ever closed a dozen tabs after finishing an academic paper?

Live now on Messenger:

In six days God created heaven and earth. On the seventh day, in the interests of balance, the BBC interviewed Satan.

Seen just now on Slack:

I wish anxiety came with french fries.

Trending via Slack:

What is the name of the course in medical school where you learn not to take your patients seriously?

Spotted on Twitch:

Garlic and bread is the only marriage I truly have faith in.

Live now on X:

Girls will be like “it’s fine” then start drawing a pentagram in blood on their floorboards.

Did it hurt, when my ice cream outlasted yours?

2 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Looks like my ice cream skills are just too COOL for you to handle! 🍦😎 Sorry for the brain freeze! 😂"

competition, contest, cream, dessert, eating, eating contest, humor, hurt, ice, ice cream, playful, playful teasing, teasing, yours

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Rain cancels plans, upsetting some and delighting others.

0

2 months ago

activity, cancellation, delight, humor, others, plans, rain, upset, upsetting, weather
I become someone I don’t recognize when I play Monopoly.

0

2 months ago

board, board game, competition, game, humor, i, Monopoly, personality, play, someone, transformation
There’s someone in our team who behaves horribly to me and whenever I have to type his name, I’ve taken to using a slightly smaller font size than for everyone else’s.

0

2 months ago

annoyance, behavior, communication, everyone, font, font size, humor, i, me, name, sarcasm, size, someone, taken, team, type, whenever, workplace
If at first you don’t succeed, that’s so embarrassing. Why are you so bad at this?

0

2 months ago

attempt, bad, embarrassing, embarrassment, failure, humor, motivation, success
My favorite type of gender reveal is the one where they just tell me and I don’t have to go to a party to find out.

0

2 months ago

favorite, favorite type, find out, gender, gender reveal, i, just, me, party, reveal, tell, tell me, type, where
People say I act like I don’t care. It’s not an act.

0

2 months ago

act, care, humor, i, indifference, people, personality, sarcasm, say

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎉🥂 New Year Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

37 shares on Reddit this month:

Why trust atoms? Because they’ve never been caught fibbing, just fission.

30 shares on Instagram this month:

I think if you ask Kanye for a million at the right time, he’ll give it to you.

50 shares on X this month:

Next on Tiny Houses: A family of 6 moves into a boat emoji.

12 shares on Slack this month:

Being a woman is hard. You always want to buy something, slap someone, lose weight and eat something sweet.

27 shares on X this month:

How old were you when you realized others couldn’t see the matrix?

74 shares on Snapchat this month:

If Monday were available for purchase at IKEA, it would be called “Fekking Hell”.

13 shares on X this month:

Please don’t tell me how bad your life was growing up; we had to manually roll up our cars’ windows.

22 shares on X this month:

When God created the giraffe, he probably slipped with the mouse on the screen. This is how its neck was created.

74 shares on Messenger this month:

My security system is just a bunch of my unpaid bills taped to my front door.

25 shares on Messenger this month:

So many true crime podcasts are just like “a young woman went missing, the police took a week to respond, she was last seen with a man the community call Creepy Steve, he has never been questioned”

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇲🇳 has shared:

Best friends: they know how crazy you are but still choose to be seen in public with you.

Someone from 🇲🇻 has bookmarked:

Babe, you’re not acting according to my delusions right now.

Someone from 🇱🇰 has viewed:

Born to say “are you f*****g stupid”, forced to say “wow, I’ve never thought about it like that before”.

Someone from 🇻🇳 has bookmarked:

I don’t care if it’s cliché, I will always enjoy a ‘small town but something messed up is happening’ story.

Someone from 🇬🇾 has bookmarked:

People my age are raising children, and I’m just here trying to bribe myself with treats into doing my own chores.

Someone from 🇯🇲 has downloaded:

Why is everyone mean to the kindest people for absolutely no reason?

Someone from 🇧🇪 has shared:

“But it’s summer,” is going to be my excuse for everything from now until the end of September.

Someone from 🇸🇪 has viewed:

I can’t be the only person who thinks the presidential debate should be performed as a rap battle.

Someone from 🇸🇦 has viewed:

Country music is for men who need a little help crying.

Someone from 🇬🇧 has viewed:

My plumber asked me for a Google review. I said I thought it was a really good search engine and I’d give it 8/10.

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on WhatsApp:

I’m doing well at accomplishing nothing today and I’m very proud of myself.

Making waves on Reddit:

Stranger: Your children are angels. Me: So was the devil.

Live now on WhatsApp:

Instagram is literally just screenshots of Twitter.

Live now on Facebook:

It took me 5 minutes to do something I’ve been stressing about for 6 months. I will learn nothing from this.

Going viral on Threads:

Love to come home after a long day’s work and relax with one thousand short-form videos.

Shared recently on Telegram:

My new phone is being delivered by Amazon, which means that I can track its movements for a day before it tracks mine for five years.

Freshly posted on Twitch:

No need for a Halloween costume this year because there’s nothing scarier than being in your mid-20s and not knowing who you are or what you want to do anymore.

Freshly posted on Slack:

My mother always told me, “If you don’t have anything nice to say, say nothing at all.” Needless to say, I’m not much of a conversationalist.

Trending via WeChat:

Getting to know someone these days is impossible. No one is really single, everyone has something going on, is hung up on their ex or is otherwise damaged in some way.

Just landed via LinkedIn:

Grandparents are there to help the kids get into trouble and teach them stupid things they wouldn’t think of on their own.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Did it hurt, when my ice cream outlasted yours?

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

Rain cancels plans, upsetting some and delighting others.

I become someone I don’t recognize when I play Monopoly.

There’s someone in our team who behaves horribly to me and whenever I have to type his name, I’ve taken to using a slightly smaller font size than for everyone else’s.

If at first you don’t succeed, that’s so embarrassing. Why are you so bad at this?

My favorite type of gender reveal is the one where they just tell me and I don’t have to go to a party to find out.

People say I act like I don’t care. It’s not an act.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨