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10,000+ funny quotes

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Someone from 🇰🇳 has downloaded:

So, Earth is basically auditions for heaven and hell.

Someone from 🇪🇹 has viewed:

Harry Potter is sort of crazy. I would have never fought a war for my high school.

Someone from 🇧🇹 has copied:

Thank you all for attending my final rose ceremony. There will be no roses.

Someone from 🇮🇶 has copied:

I’m retired. I was tired yesterday and I’m tired again today.

Someone from 🇪🇸 has viewed:

Currently helping my nephew look for his M&M’s that I ate yesterday.

Someone from 🇧🇫 has copied:

Don’t come to my house unannounced. I will stare at you from my window.

Someone from 🇻🇪 has shared:

Mom asked me what I was drinking the first time I got drunk and I said “breast milk” and now she’s not talking to me.

Someone from 🇻🇨 has viewed:

The main function of the little toe on your foot is to make sure that all the objects and furniture in the house are in the correct place.

Someone from 🇹🇲 has downloaded:

Dating to marry in a world filled with cheaters, situationships, and hook-up culture.

Someone from 🇮🇸 has viewed:

Lord, take away my suffering and give it to anyone who’s ever said, ‘Hey, Grok.’

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

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3,634

Social Media Log 💫

Going bananas on Instagram:

Want to know what someone is really like? Play Monopoly with them.

Broadcasted on Slack:

Sometimes our greatest achievement in life is being able to survive our own thoughts.

Live now on Instagram:

There’s a rhyming Italian expression for saying “take it or leave it” that goes “o mangi questa minestra o salti dalla finestra”. It means “either eat this soup or throw yourself out the window”.

Trending via Telegram:

I wish every day had 30,000 hours, and that I had unlimited Adderall and was unemployed.

Seen just now on YouTube:

Instead of saying “Good morning,” my wife and I go straight into explanations of how badly we each slept.

Going viral on Telegram:

If my dog knew how many photos I have of him sleeping, he’d file a restraining order against me.

Shared recently on Pinterest:

Confession: If you’ve ever been in a revolving door with me, I was only pretending to push.

Going viral on WhatsApp:

I think they’ve made more Kung-Fu Panda movies in the last 20 years than they’ve made actual pandas.

Seen just now on LinkedIn:

Before Facebook, we would hold people hostage inside our homes by showing them photo albums of our vacation.

Making waves on YouTube:

8 year gap on resume that just says “karate”.

Don’t be ashamed of who you are, that is your parent’s job.

1 week ago

Funny Quotes

Playful quote about self-acceptance with a witty twist on parenting.

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Commentary:
"Embrace your quirks and flaws – your parents are already on duty for being embarrassed by you anyway! 🤷‍♂️🤣"

family, humor, identity, job, joke, parent, parents, personality, self-acceptance, shame

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78 shares on WeChat this month:

My mom is asking each ornament, “Where do you want to live?” before putting them on the tree.

41 shares on Messenger this month:

I’ve decided to give people an attitude instead of gifts this year.

52 shares on YouTube this month:

I want to be gangsta but my grandma said no.

13 shares on Threads this month:

Every millennial is now paying Apple $9.99/month for 2TB just to not delete their life.

24 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Toddlers be like, we can do this the hard way or the harder way.

86 shares on TikTok this month:

Watching “Dirty Dancing” as a teenager: Damn right, no one puts Baby in a corner. Watching “Dirty Dancing” as an adult: This girl is a brat and needs a lesson.

24 shares on Reddit this month:

It amazes me how many battles in the first two years of the Civil War were decided by which side woke up the earliest.

49 shares on WeChat this month:

A woman’s G-spot can be found at the end of the word shopping.

83 shares on Slack this month:

I wish I could have a kid just to see what it looks like… and then put it back.

77 shares on Threads this month:

Sorry if I seem sad, I got a new long-sleeve shirt for fall, but I haven’t been able to wear it yet because it’s 94°.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇯🇵 has bookmarked:

The haters said I couldn’t do it. And they were correct. Honestly, great call from the haters.

Someone from 🇫🇯 has copied:

Hey, I noticed you’re not saying what I want.

Someone from 🇹🇳 has shared:

“Are you seeing someone?” Like a hallucination, therapist, or a guy?

Someone from 🇾🇪 has downloaded:

Witnessing karma is awesome . . . witnessing instant karma is more awesome.

Someone from 🇭🇷 has shared:

Thought I would mix things up today and sit in a new spot on my couch. Absolute chaos over here.

Someone from 🇫🇯 has downloaded:

Maybe in another life, I’m a spoiled nepo baby — jobless and doing nothing but shopping all day with my equally nepotised friends.

Someone from 🇸🇧 has bookmarked:

Time Magazine should have a Worst Person of the Year!

Someone from 🇹🇷 has downloaded:

Blackout curtains because I’ll decide what time it is.

Someone from 🇼🇸 has downloaded:

The real anti-aging regimen is retaining your childlike wonder and whimsy.

Someone from 🇦🇬 has downloaded:

I can’t believe I used to think I was stressed in high school.

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via Pinterest:

I hate it when I’m gossiping at work and a customer wants to be served. How rude is that?

Just shared via WeChat:

Did 900 crunches today. It was a bag of Cheetos, but still.

Going bananas on Messenger:

The crematorium is my last hope for a hot body.

Breaking via Twitch:

If it was really a smart phone, it would have recognize that it was an ignored call, not missed.

Just landed via Twitch:

What if instead of Big Mac it was Big Matt and he came out and said hello to you?

Spreading quickly via Instagram:

Just got chills imagining what Tom and Jerry could accomplish if they just worked together for once.

Trending via Twitch:

Worst part of a corporate job is no tips. Someone should slip you a $20 if you write a killer email.

Just shared via Facebook:

I don’t have a nervous system, I am a nervous system.

Making waves on Discord:

My toxic trait is optimism.

Going viral on YouTube:

Having a cat is like having a roommate that doesn’t want to hang out and never intends on being friends.

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Activity Log ✨

Don’t be ashamed of who you are, that is your parent’s job.

What would boomers do without their paper shredder?

Please don’t flirt with me. I’m trying not to cheat on my crush who doesn’t like me.

“Oh, I’d love to but I can’t.” Translation: I don’t want to so I won’t.

Cholesterol has a special place in my heart.

It’s Sunday. I’ve slept in and ignored church. Somewhere the devil is sitting and clicking on “Like”.

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Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Don’t be ashamed of who you are, that is your parent’s job.

Keep the laugh going 😂

What would boomers do without their paper shredder?

Please don’t flirt with me. I’m trying not to cheat on my crush who doesn’t like me.

“Oh, I’d love to but I can’t.” Translation: I don’t want to so I won’t.

Cholesterol has a special place in my heart.

It’s Sunday. I’ve slept in and ignored church. Somewhere the devil is sitting and clicking on “Like”.

The pain of watching a movie with someone who talks a lot.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

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