Trendy Funny Quotes

  • Can someone call my keys? I forgot where I put them.
  • Therapy isn’t enough. I need to run my brain through the dishwasher.
  • Is it ‘My wife and I’ or ‘Me and my wife’? Anyway, we just robbed a liquor store.
  • I don’t drink blood to stay young. I do it mainly for the lifestyle.
  • The folks who write fragrance commercials must be like “I had the weirdest dream, Imma put it on TV.”
  • Went out of town, came back and the roomba changed all the locks.