Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇧🇬 has bookmarked:

The sandwich I made for lunch didn’t even make it until 10am.

Someone from 🇪🇪 has shared:

To-do list: bite the hand that feeds me, put all my eggs in one basket, kill two birds with one stone, let the cat out of the bag, think inside the box, burn bridges, walk on thin ice, play with fire.

Someone from 🇳🇵 has viewed:

You know Santa isn’t real because no man over 40 is out past 9PM.

Someone from 🇲🇨 has viewed:

I love to sleep, I wish I could get paid to sleep.

Someone from 🇧🇪 has shared:

One of my favorite parts of grocery shopping is when somebody else does it for me.

Someone from 🇦🇸 has copied:

I hate overhead lighting – trying to mimic the holy sun should be considered sinful. The lamp is much better, mimicking the hearths of our forebears.

Someone from 🇳🇪 has bookmarked:

Don’t judge me on my likes, I’m confusing the algorithm.

Someone from 🇵🇬 has copied:

Why put off until tomorrow what you can have an intern do today?

Someone from 🇻🇨 has bookmarked:

I autograph every hotel Bible I find with “Best wishes, JC”.

Someone from 🇮🇱 has bookmarked:

Reading for pleasure implies the existence of reading for pain. They’re calling it a PhD.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

55 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,324

Funny Quotes Topics

17,443

Funny Quotes Images

15,324

Updated

Jan 2, 2026

Users Online

3,680

Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on LinkedIn:

Why is everyone looking for intelligent life in space? Can we please start on Earth first?

Broadcasted on Reddit:

True romantics have made peace with the possibility of lifelong solitude.

Just landed via Messenger:

Kinda sucks that I actually own a skeleton but don’t get to show anyone until I die.

Trending via Threads:

To horses, hay is considered both a bed and breakfast.

Going viral on Instagram:

You can have glossy lips or you can have a cat. You can’t have both.

Freshly posted on Facebook:

Why do fish stink so much even though they bathe their whole lives?

Trending via Discord:

Birthday sex is having sex to celebrate your parents having sex.

Trending via WeChat:

There’s no need to put a little umbrella in my drink. It’s already wet.

Just shared via Pinterest:

Chores give kids a sense of responsibility while teaching relevant life skills such as procrastination.

Just landed via YouTube:

Billion dollar technology idea: A printer that works.

Due to personal reasons, I must make it in life.

3 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Trying to live my best life so I'll have personal reasons to brag at reunions 😎💼✨

determination, due, humor, i, life, motivation, personal, personal reason, reason, reasons

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Life is like a roll of toilet paper, the closer to the end you get, the faster it goes.

0

5 months ago

analogy, closer, end, faster, humor, life, paper, roll, time, toilet, toilet paper
Got out of jury duty yesterday by confessing to the crime.

0

2 months ago

confession, crime, duty, escape, funny situation, got, humor, jury, jury duty, situation, yesterday
My love life feels like when you finally spot an open space in a full parking lot — and then boom, it’s a motorcycle.

0

2 months ago

boom, dating, disappointment, feels, full, humor, humor humor, humor quote, life, lot, love, love life, motorcycle, open, open space, parking, parking lot, relatable, space, spot
Fruit and vegetables expire faster when you’re the one paying for them.

0

3 months ago

budgeting, expiration, faster, food, food waste, fruit, grocery, humor, money, paying, shopping, vegetable, vegetables, waste
Please don’t ever speak to me about math. I’ve moved on.

0

2 months ago

avoidance, comedy, disinterest, ever, humor, math, me, moved, please, reluctance, speak, wordplay
If there’s ever an alien invasion, I hope it doesn’t start while I’m asleep. I hate being woken up before my alarm.

0

2 months ago

alarm, alien, asleep, before, being, ever, exhaustion, fear, hate, hope, humor, i, invasion, night, sleep, start, waking

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

27 shares on WhatsApp this month:

You ever feel awkward in Target, cause you know you belong at Walmart.

15 shares on WeChat this month:

Forget Spotify Wrapped. I’m more interested in seeing your Pornhub Wrapped.

43 shares on Threads this month:

I always need to pee, but it’s just because my heart is so big it pushes on my bladder.

68 shares on Telegram this month:

Have nothing to say, I just wanted to appear in your newsfeed.

60 shares on X this month:

I’ve faced more peer pressure to watch certain TV shows than to do drugs.

23 shares on Threads this month:

Took a break from Twitter for my mental health, so I’d figure I’d come back to ruin it again.

42 shares on WeChat this month:

You know you’re getting old when you and the grocery store have the same playlist.

78 shares on Instagram this month:

All the smart people at the office are worried about being replaced by A.I., but not me. I’m safe until they invent Artificial Stupidity.

72 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Social media needs to crash for like a year so everybody can snap back into reality.

16 shares on Snapchat this month:

I’m as single as a one Dollar bill, and I don’t need any change.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇸🇦 has bookmarked:

The most avoidant man you know is somewhere telling someone he’s a lover boy.

Someone from 🇨🇱 has shared:

Called in, “Hey, macarena!” this morning.

Someone from 🇲🇽 has viewed:

Need a book club for people who all just happened to read the same book but hated it and now need to vent.

Someone from 🇹🇲 has copied:

Word on the street is that the fire in your heart is out.

Someone from 🇨🇱 has viewed:

I even procrastinate things I actually want to do.

Someone from 🇸🇿 has bookmarked:

Are you gonna confess your undying love for me or what, bro?

Someone from 🇮🇷 has bookmarked:

Drive as I say, not as I drive.

Someone from 🇬🇷 has downloaded:

I think the Discovery Channel should be on a different channel every day.

Someone from 🇶🇦 has shared:

I keep my eyes in great shape by rolling them constantly.

Someone from 🇧🇸 has downloaded:

My parents grew to like my girlfriend so much, they take her as their own daughter. Now they started looking for a proper boyfriend for her.

Social Media Log 💫

Seen just now on LinkedIn:

There’s a cougar warning in my neighborhood, but apparently it’s just a big cat. I bought a case of wine coolers for nothing.

Going viral on Snapchat:

How many filters does it take before it’s technically a painting?

Seen just now on TikTok:

My account is fake, I’m actually your probation officer.

Going viral on LinkedIn:

It’s so important to warm up before any physical activity, like getting out of bed.

Seen just now on Pinterest:

Black Friday used to have heart. I wanna see someone get clocked for a Wii.

Just landed via LinkedIn:

I like to begin every day by looking forward to the end of the day.

Shared recently on Instagram:

What kind of psychopath wants to be the life of the party?

Just landed via Reddit:

A DM? Flirt on the timeline like a real man.

Seen just now on Facebook:

We are talking about how beautiful and cool you are behind your back.

Trending via Discord:

Unfortunately, it only strengthens my spirit when the summer people mourn their terrible season.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Due to personal reasons, I must make it in life.

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

Life is like a roll of toilet paper, the closer to the end you get, the faster it goes.

Got out of jury duty yesterday by confessing to the crime.

My love life feels like when you finally spot an open space in a full parking lot — and then boom, it’s a motorcycle.

Fruit and vegetables expire faster when you’re the one paying for them.

Please don’t ever speak to me about math. I’ve moved on.

If there’s ever an alien invasion, I hope it doesn’t start while I’m asleep. I hate being woken up before my alarm.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨