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198 Funny going quotes

I’m going to be real with you. My dinners lately are just sort of me throwing things into a pot like a witch in a cartoon.

3 months ago

Inflation is actually a good thing, it means money is going viral.

3 months ago

You’re not going to believe this, but I was doing really well, and then your email found me.

3 months ago

Not to brag, but I finished an entire book in one sitting. I’m going to need some new crayons.

3 months ago

I took your advice and worked smarter not harder. Now I’m going to need your advice on a good lawyer.

3 months ago

My kids think I’m going to miss them when they leave for college, but I’ll be busy drinking my coffee while it’s still hot.

3 months ago

I love diss tracks because it’s basically two dudes going, “grr, we hate each other so much we’re going to take turns writing increasingly personalized poetry!”

3 months ago

If I ever have a daughter, I’m going to call her Erica, but spell it Airwrecka.

3 months ago

I’m not going to die because of an accident. Nor because of an illness. But from small talk. Someone will say one boring sentence too many and I’ll drop dead.

3 months ago

If my wife doesn’t win anything on this $2 scratch ticket, it’s going to go down as one of the worst birthday presents ever.

3 months ago

If my trainee says “oh God” one more time, he’s going to meet him.

3 months ago

Going out for two days in a row should really be considered an extreme sport.

3 months ago

Stirring up shit at the wedding by going up to random people and saying “I think it’s so brave that you’re here”.

3 months ago

God, on inventing the tiger: “Okay, so this is going to be some kind of cat that likes to eat Frosted Flakes.”

3 months ago

If you’re going to stare all night and not say hello, do you mind taking your fingers and squishing my head from across the room?

3 months ago

I’m already excited about who I’m going to think sucks first today.

3 months ago

I’m going to start walking around in my yard all day in a bathrobe so my neighbors will build that privacy fence I always wanted.

3 months ago

Why do plane tickets have to be so expensive? You’re literally going that way anyway. Just give me a ride.

3 months ago

The title of my autobiography is going to be ‘You’d Think I’d Learn By Now, But Nope.’

3 months ago