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New funny quotes: 56 this month

15,809 funny quotes and pics

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Updated: Mar 13, 2026

 

 

 

 

1020 Funny time quotes

Funny time quotes are perfect for those moments when time feels like it’s either moving way too fast or dragging on forever! ⏳😂 Whether it’s waiting for the weekend, losing track of hours, or wishing for “just five more minutes,” these quotes show how time can be both hilarious and frustrating. Tick-tock, let the laughs begin! 🕒😜

In terms of wasting time, today was very productive.

Posted onFeb 2, 2026

Every time I wanna quit, I remember horses don’t stop.

Posted onFeb 2, 2026

There’s no reason to be bored flying on an airplane. Use the time to tell the person next to you your entire life story.

Posted onFeb 2, 2026

Why can’t periods just last for an hour? Like, you made your point, I’m not pregnant, you can leave now.

Posted onFeb 2, 2026

It’s hard dating someone who has been single for a long time. Any slight inconvenience, and they’ll crawl back into their peaceful abode. No stress.

Posted onFeb 2, 2026

I love icebreakers. They really give me time to anxiously reflect on what the most fun fact about me is, while I don’t listen to anyone else at all.

Posted onFeb 2, 2026

Getting an extra 20 minutes in the day when someone cancels a meeting is like finding a penny on the ground. Not gonna use it for anything, but wow, am I excited.

Posted onFeb 2, 2026

Procrastination isn’t a horrible thing. I mean, you always have something to do tomorrow… plus you have nothing to do today.

Posted onFeb 2, 2026

Just worked out for 2 hours straight and 1 hour gay.

Posted onFeb 2, 2026

What a time to be alive! (Derogatory)

Posted onFeb 2, 2026

“Time After Time” is my favorite song about doing the dishes.

Posted onFeb 2, 2026

Not to brag, but what a time to be childless.

Posted onFeb 2, 2026

I need you to think about me 23/7. You get 1 hour a day for yourself.

Posted onFeb 2, 2026

Isn’t it beautiful how ‘Bruh’ has stood the test of time all these years.

Posted onFeb 2, 2026

All I’m saying is that porn gives us an unrealistic expectation of how quickly the electrician shows up.

Posted onFeb 2, 2026

I waste a lot of time putting my phone down to just pick it back up again.

Posted onFeb 2, 2026

Every time I use self-checkout, the person in front of me has never used self-checkout, touchscreens, or money before.

Posted onFeb 2, 2026

I don’t have any patience because it takes too long.

Posted onFeb 2, 2026

Yeah, bro, she’s probably just not using her phone right now, for the first time ever in her whole life.

Posted onFeb 2, 2026

Why does the weekend always feel like it lasts five minutes?

Posted onFeb 2, 2026

The problem is that younger me didn’t account for the fact that there’d be an older me.

Posted onFeb 2, 2026

Being late to work should never be that serious. At least I came?

Posted onFeb 2, 2026

When a girl says “5 mins,” think about it like five minutes left in the 4th quarter, and both teams have all their timeouts.

Posted onFeb 2, 2026

Growing your own tomatoes really is the best way to devote 3 months of your life to saving $2.17.

Posted onFeb 2, 2026Feb 2, 2026

Next time I feel butterflies, I’m chugging down a bottle of tequila so they drown.

Posted onFeb 2, 2026

After you’ve been married a long time, you become able to communicate nonverbally. At least, I’m pretty sure that’s why we never speak.

Posted onFeb 2, 2026

One day you burned a CD for the last time and didn’t even realize it.

Posted onFeb 2, 2026

The next time someone texts me “we need to talk,” I’ll reply, “Yes, we really need to talk,” so that I won’t be the only one stressing.

Posted onFeb 2, 2026

I hate when people ask me, “What did you do today?” Like, buddy, listen, I woke up at noon and then it was five p.m., okay? I don’t know.

Posted onFeb 2, 2026

Imagine if you spent all your time studying, actually studying.

Posted onFeb 2, 2026

“You’re an adult, maybe it’s time to stop fighting with people on the internet.”

Posted onFeb 2, 2026

I need to go back to Friday. I want to do my weekend differently.

Posted onFeb 2, 2026

Every time you rub your eyes, they should change color a little.

Posted onFeb 2, 2026

I’m surviving motherhood, one teenage meltdown at a time.

Posted onFeb 2, 2026

Last time I laid on his chest, I heard girls in there laughing at me.

Posted onFeb 2, 2026

Nothing hits harder than opening the fridge for the fifth time, hoping new food magically appeared.

Posted onFeb 2, 2026

Please leave me alone. I’m just a 3,000-year-old time-traveling alien who is trying to return to his home planet.

Posted onFeb 2, 2026

The time I spend, just thinking about food, is kind of embarrassing.

Posted onFeb 2, 2026

One thing I will never understand about adulthood is how I’m supposed to make appointments if I work full time and every place closes at 6 p.m.

Posted onFeb 2, 2026

They say “Time heals.” No, it doesn’t. I’m still mad.

Posted onFeb 2, 2026

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