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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇸🇧 has downloaded:

What was the main bloke called in Harry Potter?

Someone from 🇯🇲 has bookmarked:

My child had pancakes and syrup for breakfast so I guess I’ll be sticking to my furniture for the next week.

Someone from 🇬🇳 has copied:

Weekends are getting shorter and shorter. You blink and it’s already Sunday 5pm.

Someone from 🇲🇻 has viewed:

I want to sleep but my brain won’t stop talking to itself.

Someone from 🇮🇱 has shared:

My problem is, I wanna be the only one at the gym when I go.

Someone from 🇹🇻 has shared:

Man, it sucks having no kids. All I do is whatever I want, all the time.

Someone from 🇲🇷 has viewed:

I like my coffee so strong that it wakes up the neighbors.

Someone from 🇹🇯 has downloaded:

I refuse to go to a blood bank. I’m not taking your blood money.

Someone from 🇸🇿 has copied:

Watching women’s tennis and getting angry at the net. We shouldn’t put needless obstacles in the way of women.

Someone from 🇸🇰 has downloaded:

Capri Sun tastes as if scientists had bet that they could make fruit juice without fruit.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

216 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,485

Funny Quotes Topics

17,557

Funny Quotes Images

15,485

Updated

Jan 5, 2026

Users Online

3,294

Social Media Log 💫

Seen just now on Twitch:

If she forgives you, then 30 minutes later comes back mad again: that means she told her friends in her group chat, and the board of directors did not agree.

Just shared via Instagram:

No open job postings for “Warrior Poet” found in your area. Please try another search.

Live now on Discord:

In an effort to demonstrate how pointless internet debates are, please prove to me that snow is real.

Freshly posted on WhatsApp:

I’m going spiraling, do you need anything?

Seen just now on Facebook:

If you’re lost in the woods, start talking loudly about politics. Someone will come to argue with you.

Shared recently on X:

Done with work today. The work day isn’t over, I’m just done with it.

Spreading quickly via YouTube:

I don’t know what kind of sex makes y’all want a joint bank account, but I ain’t had it yet.

Freshly posted on TikTok:

The older I get, the more I start to understand the appeal of birdwatching as a hobby. I do find myself watching these little troublemakers quite often.

Seen just now on YouTube:

Camping: When you spend a small fortune to live like somebody poor.

Going viral on YouTube:

I just ordered a life alert bracelet, so if I ever get a life, I’ll be notified immediately.

Gaslighting myself into thinking I’m in a good mood.

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Gaslighting myself into thinking I’m in a good mood.
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Commentary:
Ah, the art of self-deception meets the science of emotional manipulation 🎭😅. Just a casual internal game of "Guess Who's the Happy One Today?" starring none other than yourself, the ultimate master of disguise 👀🤹‍♂️. Remember, if at first you don't succeed, gaslight, gaslight again! 😜🔦 #WhosInChargeHere

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

12 shares on YouTube this month:

Ten million people accused me of exaggerating today.

97 shares on Messenger this month:

I am at my Thanksgiving table observing personality disorders that have not been identified yet.

42 shares on Threads this month:

Why do men stay in the car for minutes after arriving home?

88 shares on X this month:

In general, I like company, but not when I am with my pizza.

60 shares on Instagram this month:

“You look happy.” Thanks, I stopped dating.

12 shares on Instagram this month:

Why is sleeping at night so hard, but sleeping in the morning is like drifting away on a soft, fluffy cloud while Adele sings you a lullaby?

57 shares on Snapchat this month:

Life is really sucking the life out of me.

71 shares on Telegram this month:

The worst is when it’s too late to take a nap but too early to go to bed.

21 shares on Telegram this month:

Probably the most humiliating thing that can happen when you die is that you come back as a fitted-sheet ghost.

78 shares on Messenger this month:

First caveman to see fire: Well, this is a buncha bullshit that no one needs (stomps it out) and I predict that’s the last I’ll ever see of that.

Trending Topics 📁

activity communication day food frustration fun humor i irony joke just know life love me media people procrastination relationship sarcasm social social media someone technology time want work

Hot Jokes 💥

19 folks are currently checking 👀

There’s no bigger test of patience than typing your email address in on a TV with the remote.

7 folks are currently checking 👀

Normalize throwing lamps at people who need to lighten up.

13 folks are currently checking 👀

Isn’t it odd that “read” is pronounced like “lead”, while “read” is pronounced like “lead”?

17 folks are currently checking 👀

Grape soda doesn’t taste at all like grapes, but it does taste like purple, and I don’t know how to explain that.

20 folks are currently checking 👀

I don’t question my wife’s choices because I’m one of them.

6 folks are currently checking 👀

Marriage is just asking each other, “What do you want to do for dinner?” and then replying, “No, not that,” until death do us part.

9 folks are currently checking 👀

I’m not deleting my Twitter, I was here before Elon.

5 folks are currently checking 👀

Nobody will know you’re stoned if you’re always stoned.

25 folks are currently checking 👀

Just got hired at Five Guys as the guy who punches the burger before they put it in the bag.

25 folks are currently checking 👀

What electric cars and diarrhea have in common is the fear of not making it home.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

216 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,485

Funny Quotes Topics

17,557

Funny Quotes Images

15,485

Updated

Jan 5, 2026

Users Online

3,542

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇧🇴 has viewed:

That drum solo from In the Air Tonight, but it’s me just slapping my tummy, waiting for the microwave to beep.

Someone from 🇹🇻 has downloaded:

Playdates were invented to force parents into cleaning their home.

Someone from 🇴🇲 has downloaded:

The wind is about to blow me to Oz, so if you see me flying past your window, mind your business.

Someone from 🇬🇹 has downloaded:

For someone who loves to sleep so much, you’d think I’d go to bed earlier.

Someone from 🇸🇩 has shared:

Well, well, well, if it isn’t that thing I’ve been ignoring until it became a giant problem.

Someone from 🇹🇷 has downloaded:

The world needs to chill out. There’s no way future history teachers can cram all this nonsense into a semester.

Someone from 🇸🇩 has bookmarked:

Dude, we’re biting off more than we can chew tonight if you want to pull up.

Someone from 🇷🇴 has downloaded:

Your childhood wasn’t complete unless you were chased by a dog… or a goat… or even worse, a chicken.

Someone from 🇱🇸 has bookmarked:

Opening the web before 9am is crazy. Like, did you even try to have a good day?

Someone from 🇬🇼 has viewed:

I stopped writing “Feel free to reach out if you need anything else” at the end of my emails because please don’t do that.

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via X:

Be the reason why your local woods are haunted.

Going viral on TikTok:

“Your boos mean nothing to me. I’ve seen what you cheer.” Is a goated doctrine. If Rick and Morty gave us anything, it gave us that.

Breaking via TikTok:

If you’re wondering how motherhood is going, I’m watching a TV show and someone is in traction with a full body cast and I sighed and said “That looks so relaxing”

Breaking via Discord:

Everyone has their talents. Mine is picking the checkout line filled with people who apparently have never gone through a checkout line before in their life.

Just shared via WeChat:

Just be good and kind to your children. Not only are they the future of the world, they’re the ones who can sign you into a home.

Going bananas on Discord:

Sometimes the laugh is funnier than the joke itself.

Shared recently on Discord:

“I’ll worry about it next time.” Me pissing off future me.

Trending via TikTok:

I hate when people set alarms and it wakes up everybody except for them.

Shared recently on LinkedIn:

Sorry I’m late. The door said PULL, but I don’t believe everything I read.

Shared recently on Instagram:

I think this man might be the one, I say right before he dumps me and I never hear from him again.

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