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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇱🇺 has bookmarked:

My showers take so long because I always hold a shower concert.

Someone from 🇸🇪 has bookmarked:

Sex is great, but have you ever had your alarm go off and then realize you don’t have to get up today?

Someone from 🇺🇦 has downloaded:

Y’all pronounce it data or data?

Someone from 🇬🇧 has copied:

The day after Christmas is a dangerous morning to be a microwave.

Someone from 🇪🇬 has shared:

Not photogenic, but I probably look soooo good as a distant memory.

Someone from 🇸🇮 has downloaded:

Living with a dog is 90% following each other around, watching each other go potty, and wondering what the other has in their mouth.

Someone from 🇨🇬 has shared:

People who ask “Can I call you” are so sweet. Like, obviously you cannot, but so sweet.

Someone from 🇧🇼 has bookmarked:

My therapist said this to me, and it hit me like a brick: “They’re not your friends if they disagree with you or try to challenge you.”

Someone from 🇸🇦 has copied:

I’m a multi-tasking procrastinator. I can put off multiple things at once.

Someone from 🇱🇨 has downloaded:

If I was on Love Island, I would get wasted and drown in the pool, altering the course of every contestant’s life forever.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Feb 3, 2026

3,340

Social Media Log 💫

Seen just now on Discord:

Normalize saying, “Just as the oracle foretold,” when things go your way.

Trending via Pinterest:

Don’t interrupt me while I’m embarrassing myself.

Freshly posted on Slack:

Proudly doing my part to cause the male loneliness epidemic.

Live now on Telegram:

Don’t forget to be mean to strangers on the internet today, for no reason whatsoever.

Shared recently on Snapchat:

Fancy restaurants are self-esteem destroyers because good luck not leaving an embarrassing stain on the white table cloth. Ever.

Trending via WeChat:

Referring to normal shoes as non-bowling shoes.

Shared recently on Slack:

I love my new crockpot. Now we can wait longer to eat my horrible cooking.

Shared recently on Snapchat:

When God closes a door, he opens a window. Unfortunately, we are in a submarine.

Shared recently on Pinterest:

I can’t believe we live in the timeline where we invented a technology to make it so we can never trust a photo or video again.

Just landed via Telegram:

Autocorrect has become our worst enema.

Girl math is ten thousand spoons when all you need is a knife.

2 weeks ago

Witty text about girl math, comparing spoons and a knife in a humorous way.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Girl math is like trying to cut a cake with ten thousand spoons 🍰🥄 – talk about an exercise in futility! It's like the universe is playing a cosmic prank on you, leaving you with an arsenal of spoons when all you really wanted was a trusty knife. Oh, what a slice of irony!

absurdity, expectations, girl, girl math, humor, irony, knife, math, need, simplicity, spoons

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Funny Quotes Collections

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Social Media Stars ⭐

46 shares on Pinterest this month:

I like my Jims slim and my chances fat.

32 shares on WeChat this month:

You know who else works in mysterious ways? Me.

35 shares on Instagram this month:

The first time people saw a train coming at them, they ran away in terror.

94 shares on Pinterest this month:

There’s no filter on my pics or my thoughts. I’m just out here raw-dogging it.

100 shares on Twitch this month:

The number one rule of Thanksgiving dinner is take your own vehicle so you can leave on your own terms.

57 shares on Instagram this month:

Do you know how much trauma it took to be this funny?

15 shares on WhatsApp this month:

I hate when I’m trying to spell a word, and my phone can’t do it either.

77 shares on Snapchat this month:

Dress for the demons you want, not the demons you have.

74 shares on WeChat this month:

I should’ve gotten my affairs in order before I decided to bite into this hot pepper.

61 shares on X this month:

When you’re young, weekends are for fun. When you’re older, they’re for recovery.

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

22 folks are currently checking 👀

When you see a squirrel, you’re bound to say, “Awww, a squirrel!”

13 folks are currently checking 👀

I’m a Leo so I just eat the other astrological signs.

15 folks are currently checking 👀

I have to stand in the shower about this.

21 folks are currently checking 👀

Forgot my glasses, so I’m pointing at a random spot on the menu and hoping for the best.

20 folks are currently checking 👀

Much of my algorithm is based on when I paused while scrolling to grab a snack.

5 folks are currently checking 👀

You know you got a bad haircut when she insists on giving you a $10 discount.

13 folks are currently checking 👀

Twitter is my serious account, the funny one is my bank account.

7 folks are currently checking 👀

“Are you seeing anyone,” like hallucinating?

10 folks are currently checking 👀

I don’t flirt. I just say weird things and hope you interpret them romantically.

20 folks are currently checking 👀

Getting the house to yourself for a night is basically winning the lottery.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,301

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇱🇺 has shared:

Am I the only person who would rather almost fall over carrying the shopping than walk a second time?

Someone from 🇨🇷 has shared:

Don’t cry because it’s over. Cry because you have an extra hour to think about it.

Someone from 🇩🇲 has downloaded:

After an hour on this team meeting I’m not wanting to be a team player anymore.

Someone from 🇵🇱 has copied:

I don’t simply want to kill a mosquito; I want to bite them back over and over to make them itch.

Someone from 🇩🇪 has bookmarked:

Somebody just told me I was living the dream, I can assure you I have never dreamt of this shit right here.

Someone from 🇲🇿 has downloaded:

The price of groceries has gotten me thinking about what acorns taste like.

Someone from 🇷🇸 has copied:

I feel so discombobulated when supermarkets switch up the aisles without texting me first.

Someone from 🇸🇷 has downloaded:

Your phone is a casino designed to steal your time.

Someone from 🇳🇮 has bookmarked:

Tried a smile yesterday and my white blood cells attacked it.

Someone from 🇸🇧 has downloaded:

I am AOL Instant Messenger years old.

Social Media Log 💫

Going viral on Facebook:

It’s important that everyone takes really good pictures of me this summer.

Spreading quickly via WeChat:

Foolproof? Yeah, well we’ll see about that.

Breaking via LinkedIn:

I love sleeping in fishnets. Makes you feel like a big honey roast ham.

Going bananas on X:

I’m like the Temu version of a well-functioning adult.

Freshly posted on WeChat:

Once you start paying rent, every joke stops being funny.

Going bananas on Reddit:

Don’t forget to brush your teeth, comb your hair, cleanse your face, and share my posts.

Shared recently on Reddit:

Your pronouns should be get/help.

Just shared via Slack:

Toddlers: I’ve licked everything so everything is mine now.

Spotted on YouTube:

“Sweet Dreams (Are Made of This)” is now 40 years old. If you have an earworm now, you also have back pain.

Freshly posted on Facebook:

Are you http? Because I’m :// without you.

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