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10,000+ funny quotes

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Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ฎ๐Ÿ‡น has copied:

When the weather gets warmer, I will become unstoppable. As long as it doesnโ€™t get too warm, then I will be stoppable.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡น๐Ÿ‡ผ has downloaded:

I donโ€™t text. I will contact you telepathically.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ป๐Ÿ‡ช has downloaded:

A little 9-5 with a little fraud on the side is the only way you gone survive in this world.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ง๐Ÿ‡ฉ has shared:

God creating the duck: waterproof that chicken and give it a kazoo.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ป๐Ÿ‡ณ has copied:

Stretching isnโ€™t enough. I need to be able to disassemble my body like Legos.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ด๐Ÿ‡ฒ has downloaded:

They should invent a brain that doesnโ€™t whisper bad things to you.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ฑ๐Ÿ‡น has viewed:

I had bad luck with women twice. The first left me, the second stayed.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ณ๐Ÿ‡ท has viewed:

My morning routine is basically just me convincing myself not to go back to bed.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ง๐Ÿ‡ฌ has bookmarked:

Have you fallen in love with me yet, or do I need to post more nonsense?

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡จ๐Ÿ‡ณ has copied:

The only thing I gained so far this year is weight.

Funny Quotes Data ๐Ÿค“

New Funny Quotes

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,553

Social Media Log ๐Ÿ’ซ

Making waves on Twitch:

How lazy are you?” I greet people by raising my eyebrows.

Spotted on Twitch:

I’m so thankful I had a childhood before technology took over.

Just shared via Reddit:

You ever just see a tree and be like, “Bob Ross wouldโ€™ve liked this one”?

Live now on YouTube:

Wanted to update everybody on my diet. I’ve decided it’s okay to be fat.

Just landed via WeChat:

The gap in my resume? Yeah, itโ€™s called playing outside.

Shared recently on Discord:

Vote for me and I will halve the calories in chocolate.

Spotted on WhatsApp:

One interesting thing I learned in my thirties is that you can leave a bar before it closes.

Making waves on Snapchat:

I need you to put the fun in refund!

Live now on LinkedIn:

Have nothing to say, I just wanted to appear in your newsfeed.

Trending via LinkedIn:

Iโ€™m at that point on a Monday where no.

Girl math is ten thousand spoons when all you need is a knife.

Witty text about girl math, comparing spoons and a knife in a humorous way.
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Commentary:
Girl math is like trying to cut a cake with ten thousand spoons ๐Ÿฐ๐Ÿฅ„ – talk about an exercise in futility! It's like the universe is playing a cosmic prank on you, leaving you with an arsenal of spoons when all you really wanted was a trusty knife. Oh, what a slice of irony!

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Social Media Stars โญ

67 shares on Pinterest this month:

Donโ€™t put words in my mouthโ€”thatโ€™s where the hot dogs go.

48 shares on Snapchat this month:

Experts say you can make any statement sound more credible by adding ‘experts say’ at the beginning.

50 shares on TikTok this month:

Being able to tolerate the sound of your own voice in a video is probably the highest form of self-acceptance.

87 shares on Discord this month:

No matter how sad their story is, don’t let anybody move into your house.

33 shares on Telegram this month:

Cowboy outfits should be called ranch dressing.

43 shares on Facebook this month:

My phone and itโ€™s charger are in a situationship and sometimes it works and sometimes it doesnโ€™t.

99 shares on Instagram this month:

Dear food, either stop being so delicious or stop making me fat.

75 shares on Threads this month:

Knowledge is like underwear. It is useful to have it, but not necessary to show it off.

98 shares on Reddit this month:

The best part of the relationship is before you meet them, and youโ€™re single.

80 shares on Reddit this month:

If my dog knew how many photos I have of him sleeping, heโ€™d file a restraining order against me.

Trending Topics ๐Ÿ“

activity communication day food frustration fun humor i irony joke just know life love me media people procrastination relationship sarcasm social social media someone technology time want work

Hot Jokes ๐Ÿ’ฅ

9 folks are currently checking ๐Ÿ‘€

Before I drink, I eat liver so the liquor wonโ€™t know which liver to attack.

9 folks are currently checking ๐Ÿ‘€

You give a man your heart and heโ€™s gonna put it under another girl’s picture.

14 folks are currently checking ๐Ÿ‘€

Canโ€™t stop thinking about that time at the planetarium where they showed us a picture of earth and everyone booed.

8 folks are currently checking ๐Ÿ‘€

Theyโ€™re calling me the unemployee of the month.

21 folks are currently checking ๐Ÿ‘€

Donโ€™t even bother contacting me on the Ouija Board after I die. I barely answer my texts now.

17 folks are currently checking ๐Ÿ‘€

If Wonka had a spaghetti factory, Iโ€™d get sucked into a marinara river tube so fast.

22 folks are currently checking ๐Ÿ‘€

Went to the toilet today without my cell phone. There are 245 tiles.

9 folks are currently checking ๐Ÿ‘€

This generation of men makes celibacy so easy for women.

11 folks are currently checking ๐Ÿ‘€

Schrodinger’s Immigrant: A person who is simultaneously too lazy to work, but is also stealing your job.

9 folks are currently checking ๐Ÿ‘€

Sorry I missed your call. I saw that you were calling and immediately threw my phone into an active volcano.

Funny Quotes Data ๐Ÿค“

New Funny Quotes

calculatingโ€ฆ

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,372

Activity Log โœจ

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ฑ๐Ÿ‡ฎ has viewed:

Have you ever been so hungry but had no food in the house, so you took a nap instead?

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡บ๐Ÿ‡ฟ has downloaded:

Whoever told you thereโ€™s no such thing as a stupid question lied.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ฒ๐Ÿ‡ฝ has copied:

Do goalies ever get lonely during a game?

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ง๐Ÿ‡ช has viewed:

I can now see how sitting on a porch could fill an entire life.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ป๐Ÿ‡บ has viewed:

I had a healthy appendix removed, just to show the other organs that I will not tolerate any bullshit.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ฐ๐Ÿ‡ญ has downloaded:

May you heal from that fanfic that never got updated.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡จ๐Ÿ‡ฆ has downloaded:

Canโ€™t believe we used to throw eggs at houses, and now we can afford neither eggs nor houses.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ฎ๐Ÿ‡ถ has downloaded:

If you like true crime stories, I highly recommend the history of the Catholic Church.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ฆ๐Ÿ‡ฒ has downloaded:

Messages are way funnier when you know how the person talks.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ผ๐Ÿ‡ธ has copied:

Does everyone have that one colleague at work who puts you in a bad mood just by looking at them?

Social Media Log ๐Ÿ’ซ

Freshly posted on Pinterest:

Ordering 600 pizzas from Washington, D.C., to rug pull on Polymarket.

Seen just now on Discord:

Calm yourself, Lucifer. You did the right thing coming to me for advice.

Just landed via X:

I always cook with wine. Sometimes I even add it to the food.

Making waves on Threads:

I haven’t given up on my fairy-tale ending. I still plan to be eaten by a wolf.

Shared recently on Pinterest:

One day youโ€™re young and fun and the next youโ€™re saying, โ€œWhat kind of trees are those?โ€

Going viral on Instagram:

You are not obligated to post a video of yourself dancing.

Going viral on Snapchat:

Sorry, babe, can’t right now. The group chat is active, and I’m trying to get my joke in before they change topics.

Seen just now on Reddit:

Spotify wrapped is like my annual mental health report and it’s getting worse by each passing year.

Trending via Discord:

I never used to worry about death but now I’m terrified it will break my winning Wordle streak.

Spreading quickly via Facebook:

When you’re late for work, you gotta walk in fast and act like you’re mad.

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