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Updated: May 20, 2026

 

 

 

 

13 Funny knife quotes

Funny knife quotes are perfect for adding a slice of humor to your day! 🍴😄 Whether it’s playful jabs about kitchen mishaps or witty remarks about cutting through tough situations, these quotes will have you laughing while you sharpen your wit. Get ready to cut through the monotony with some hilarious knife-themed humor! 😂🔪

My southern family thinks my daily routine in NYC is that I wake up, try really hard not to get stabbed by a knife, and then I go see a musical.

Posted onMay 19, 2026

time heals all wounds.” Wrong! Time is chasing me with a knife.

Posted onApr 1, 2026

The knife is my brush, the jam my paint and the toast my canvas.

Posted onMar 29, 2026

Caesar, looking shocked: “Is it bring your knife to work day or something?”

Posted onMar 29, 2026

I don’t need to bring anything to a knife fight, because I don’t go to knife fights.

Posted onMar 28, 2026

They are mad because you took that knife out of your back and used it to cut ties.

Posted onMar 28, 2026

The only way to my heart is with a knife.

Posted onMar 27, 2026

Every gift guide for men is like “A flannel flask to hold your knife flavored whiskey.”

Posted onMar 27, 2026

To the knife wielding psycho who walked in on me in the shower; I’m sorry you had to see that.

Posted onMar 27, 2026

“Don’t bring a knife to a gun fight!” Okay, then explain bayonets to me.

Posted onMar 27, 2026

Bringing a fitted sheet to a knife fight.

Posted onMar 26, 2026

Girl math is ten thousand spoons when all you need is a knife.

Posted onMar 24, 2026

I always carry a knife with me in case I run into someone with 10,000 spoons.

Posted onMar 24, 2026

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