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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇭🇳 has shared:

I don’t understand, “kill them with kindness”; can I use a lightsaber instead?

Someone from 🇰🇷 has downloaded:

One day you’re young and carefree and the next, you’re preheating the bathroom before you go in for a shower.

Someone from 🇲🇪 has shared:

I’m as single as a one Dollar bill, and I don’t need any change.

Someone from 🇵🇬 has copied:

How do I become a billionaire by 9 a.m. Monday? Please, it’s urgent.

Someone from 🇪🇷 has bookmarked:

I can’t wait to buy Chanel bags on a random Tuesday for me and my friends.

Someone from 🇨🇲 has bookmarked:

Vaping: When you feel like smoking but don’t want to look cool.

Someone from 🇬🇩 has copied:

Cicadas are all like, “Y’all mind if I scream?”

Someone from 🇭🇺 has copied:

Every grocery store becomes an escape room if you see someone you know.

Someone from 🇨🇲 has viewed:

I’m glad nobody can see the face I make when I’ve just started the washing machine and then spot a sock on the floor.

Someone from 🇲🇻 has viewed:

The medicine for headache goes to the stomach to do what, exactly?

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

94 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,363

Funny Quotes Topics

17,479

Funny Quotes Images

15,363

Jan 2, 2026

3,539

Social Media Log 💫

Live now on YouTube:

You can’t argue with me because I’ll just agree with you until you leave.

Breaking via Threads:

Hey girl, are you a cigarette? Because I like cigarettes.

Spotted on Facebook:

This football season, we need to bring back getting drunk and calling in to your team’s local radio show after the game. Such a lost art.

Broadcasted on TikTok:

My life is based on a true story.

Making waves on Instagram:

The world was better off when street gangs settled things with choreographed dance battles.

Seen just now on Threads:

WhatsApp calls should indicate whose internet is poor to avoid unnecessary arguments.

Live now on Reddit:

Dog barking like an angry baby, baby crying like an angry dog.

Making waves on WeChat:

Bit strange that the same culture is responsible for both kissing and onion soup. You’d think they’d be incompatible.

Shared recently on WhatsApp:

Having a job is cool, but everyday? Come on!

Trending via Discord:

This is actually worse than Biff Tennan’s future.

“Grey’s Anatomy” but it’s told entirely through the lens of the hospital’s HR department.

2 months ago

0

“Grey’s Anatomy” but it’s told entirely through the lens of the hospital’s HR department.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Get ready for 'Grey's Anatomy: HR Edition' where the real drama happens during performance appraisals and interdepartmental conflict resolution. Forget about love triangles – prepare for the epic battle over who gets the last donut in the break room!"

anatomy, department, drama, grey’s, Grey’s Anatomy, hospital, hr, HR department, humor, medical, medical drama, parody, perspective, television, workplace

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

No thanks, social media influencers. I prefer making decisions the old-fashioned way: under the influence of alcohol.

0

2 months ago

alcohol, comedy, decisions, drinking, humor, i, influence, influencers, lifestyle, making, media, old fashioned, social, social media, thanks, under
Twitter is like talking to yourself in public and some random dude walking by agrees with you.

0

2 months ago

agree, conversation, dude, humor, public, random, self, talking, Twitter, walking, yourself
This quote is invisible. Only people who masturbate a lot can read it.

0

2 months ago

humor, invisible, masturbate, people, read
People shouldn’t be at the grocery store the same time as me. Get out of the way.

0

2 months ago

crowd, grocery, grocery store, humor, impatience, me, people, same, shopping, store, time
If my neighbors would just talk a little louder I could follow along with their conversation, but no. Rude.

0

2 months ago

conversation, eavesdrop, follow, humor, interaction, just, loud, neighbor, rude, social, social interaction, talk
I would flirt with you, but I’d rather seduce you with my awkwardness.

0

5 months ago

awkwardness, charm, dating, flirt, humor, i, ID, romance, seduction

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

46 shares on Facebook this month:

They invented the word metallic, because irony was already taken.

91 shares on Discord this month:

The first thing you need to know about social media is that everyone’s on vacation, except for you.

11 shares on Twitch this month:

Apparently it’s inappropriate to yell out “Shots, shots, shots, shots” while your child’s getting immunizations at the pediatrician’s office.

46 shares on Discord this month:

I don’t know why “you made your bed now lie in it” is a bad thing. It sounds great! I’ll even lie in a bed I didn’t make.

36 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Unfortunately, I’m not nonchalant or mysterious. I’m just a naturally awkward person who becomes talkative once I’m comfortable.

23 shares on TikTok this month:

Whoever said “out of sight out of mind” never lost a spider in the bedroom.

30 shares on TikTok this month:

Australia is like someone’s still playing Jumanji.

47 shares on Pinterest this month:

Armed robbers are so weird. Why are you beating me when I don’t have money?

43 shares on Facebook this month:

I am “any text received after 9pm will be answered at 6am” years old.

21 shares on WeChat this month:

I look like a casual, laid-back guy, but it’s like a circus in my head.

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

6 folks are currently checking 👀

Walking around the art museum and verbally saying, “Banger,” after inspecting a painting.

6 folks are currently checking 👀

Immediately de-escalating an international conflict by posting an angry looking selfie with the caption “Come on, guys.”

17 folks are currently checking 👀

My body looks like I have a great personality.

10 folks are currently checking 👀

I think it is mandatory, especially in the morning, to be quiet.

15 folks are currently checking 👀

When I was a kid, I never expected the future to suck this much.

6 folks are currently checking 👀

I’ve got a neighbor who’s really into morons. I should introduce her to you guys.

7 folks are currently checking 👀

I wish people knew how good I can sing when I’m alone in my car and in my shower.

11 folks are currently checking 👀

The best part about being single is sleeping around. You can sleep all over that bed of yours – left, right, middle.

24 folks are currently checking 👀

I truly wonder what it sounded like when Medusa washed her hair at night.

11 folks are currently checking 👀

Not looking for a sugar daddy, but something more of a pay pal.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

94 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,363

Funny Quotes Topics

17,479

Funny Quotes Images

15,363

Updated

Jan 2, 2026

Users Online

3,326

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇻🇪 has viewed:

If I win the lottery, I’m buying four politicians and some really nice shoes.

Someone from 🇳🇪 has viewed:

I really admire the suns ability to be exactly where my car’s visor can’t block it out.

Someone from 🇦🇲 has shared:

Suffering from a forehead kisses deficiency (self-diagnosed).

Someone from 🇪🇬 has shared:

It’s strange being the same age as old people.

Someone from 🇨🇱 has shared:

What can I buy my wife for Valentine’s Day that finally proves to her once and for all that I have absolutely no idea what she likes or who she is?

Someone from 🇿🇦 has shared:

“I’d rather hurl myself into an active volcano!” -me, politely declining dates.

Someone from 🇱🇧 has viewed:

Mercury retrograde: because adulting is hard, and sometimes you just need a celestial excuse.

Someone from 🇬🇷 has downloaded:

Trying to bribe Monday with coffee to get it to act like a Friday.

Someone from 🇻🇪 has copied:

Now hush, Lil Labubu, don’t you cry, everything’s gonna be Dubai.

Someone from 🇫🇯 has downloaded:

Another customer getting a haircut started talking to my barber. Please don’t talk to my barber. You have your own.

Social Media Log 💫

Shared recently on LinkedIn:

Oh really? We’ll see what the same six people who always agree with me think about that.

Seen just now on LinkedIn:

Whoever said having a crush is when you feel the most like Carrie Bradshaw was so real for that.

Freshly posted on X:

“I’d rather hurl myself into an active volcano!” -me, politely declining dates.

Making waves on WeChat:

My attempts to purge my possessions always seem to result in me rediscovering that I have lots of nice things, after which I lie happily on my hoard like a dragon.

Seen just now on Telegram:

I don’t follow washing instructions, you’re my clothes you don’t tell me what to do.

Making waves on Slack:

Contrary to what we currently believe, we don’t choose afternoon naps. Afternoon naps choose us.

Breaking via Instagram:

Wearing white pants today, so it’s really just a matter of time before I spill something on myself.

Just landed via Pinterest:

Whenever I go down the stairs next to an escalator, I always move faster than the escalator to prove to the people I made the better decision.

Going viral on YouTube:

I don’t understand the phrase “You can’t have your cake and eat it” because if I have cake, what the hell else am I supposed to do with it.

Spreading quickly via Slack:

Anyone who wants to learn how to be humble, feel free to talk to me. There’s nothing like learning from the best.

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