Trendy Funny Quotes

  • Today marks a five year anniversary of how I’ll start going to the gym tomorrow.
  • Sometimes I tell myself I should stop drinking so much, but I’m not about to listen to a drunk who’s talking to himself.
  • Me: I love you more than a flower loves the sun. Him: I love you more than a teenager loves his phone.
  • I always carry a knife with me in case I run into someone with 10,000 spoons.
  • You have to be careful about sending your spouse things on social media. You send too many things, next thing you know chores are being redistributed because of “all the free time you clearly have”.
  • So I think the mammals have now ravaged this planet long enough. It’s time for the reptiles to take over again.