151 funny kid quotes - Wordgag

Ever since I was a little kid I always knew I wanted to struggle to survive.

May 25, 2026

When I was a kid, I never expected the future to suck this much.

May 25, 2026

No one suddenly needs anything more than a kid whose mom has just sat down and gotten comfortable.

May 25, 2026

Ever feel like you’re adulting, but only on the outside? Inside, you’re just a kid hoping someone else will make dinner.

May 25, 2026

Kid, I have jeans older than you.

May 25, 2026

As a kid, I was worried about randomly disappearing into the Bermuda Triangle forever. As an adult, I’m wondering how I can actually make that happen.

May 24, 2026

My friend’s kid asked me if I had any games on phone so I let her text my ex.

May 24, 2026

Petition to bring back payphones in public places. I don’t want to give my kid a phone, I want to give him a quarter.

May 24, 2026

I saw a spider crawl under my kid’s bed and was too tired to go after it, but that’s okay, no living creature can survive that environment.

May 24, 2026

When I was a kid, we still ate noodles. Then at some point we ate pasta. Today, we only eat carbs.

May 24, 2026

You don’t scare me, you’re not my kid noticing her sibling got a bigger slice of cake.

May 23, 2026

The problem with parental controls is I need my kid to help me figure out how to set them up.

May 23, 2026

When I was a kid, we weren’t allowed to use our phones in school. Mainly because the cords wouldn’t reach.

May 23, 2026

One time, when I was a kid, I fell off my bike and hit my head so hard, I was briefly able to communicate with bees.

May 23, 2026

Ever since I was a little kid, I knew that I wanted to be late for work.

May 23, 2026

When I was a kid, I had to walk to Netflix.

May 23, 2026

Why there is always a kid crying when I go to the store? Dude, you aren’t the one paying for it. Stop!

May 23, 2026

I don’t know why doctors only give stickers to kids? Like, hello, I was also brave today.

May 23, 2026

“Bye, have a great day, I’ll see you after school”, I tell the orange in my kid’s lunch.

May 23, 2026

If you want your kid to play with their toy just give it to your other kid. Follow me for more parenting hacks.

May 23, 2026

I was at the cemetery when a little kid walked up to me and said she was afraid. I took her hand and told her that I used to be afraid too… when I was alive.

May 23, 2026

Hey! Remember in the first grade when we were all just chilling and then some kid would throw up out of nowhere?

May 23, 2026

As a kid, I used to watch The Wizard of Oz and wonder how someone could talk if they didn’t have a brain. Then I got social media.

May 23, 2026

It’s interesting growing up and discovering that most adults are not that clever. I had my suspicions as a kid but I didn’t think the situation was this dire.

May 22, 2026

When I was a kid, there were two ways to die, natural causes and talking back to your parents.

May 22, 2026

Pretty sure the inventor of noise-canceling headphones had a young kid trying to learn an instrument.

May 22, 2026

I remember owning a mobile device as a kid, it was called my bike.

May 22, 2026

The ways printers are like kids: Need feeding, are noisy and can’t function when offline.

May 22, 2026

You either get a kid who eats like a bottomless pit, or you get one that when asked what they want for lunch answers “No thanks, I had lunch yesterday.”

May 22, 2026

The main difference between my dog and my kid is my dog responds to her name being called.

May 22, 2026

See you when you get home from school, I whisper to my kid’s apple.

May 22, 2026

The quickest way to get your kid to do their homework is to ask them to help with some chores.

May 22, 2026

As parents we have to make sacrifices all the time. Today, I had to eat my kid’s ice cream because she couldn’t finish it.

May 22, 2026

You know what goes great with helping your kid with math homework? Vodka!

May 22, 2026

Three words no parent ever wants to hear when dropping their kid at a play date: “Come on in.”

May 21, 2026

Remember when you were a kid, you slept on the couch and without saying anything you found yourself in your bed. Now you sleep in your bed and if you say anything, you end up on the couch.

May 21, 2026

My kid asked me if I’ve ever experienced hallucinations, which is an odd thing to ask considering I don’t have any kids.

May 21, 2026

Welcome to your 40’s: See that kid dressed up like a cop? He is a cop.

May 21, 2026

If you watch Home Alone backwards it’s a loving story about a kid that heals two men that were savagely beaten.

May 21, 2026

When I was a kid there were two sure ways to die, natural causes and talking back to your parents.

May 21, 2026