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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇲🇹 has downloaded:

Who needs a dominatrix when you can be beaten up by an automatically retracting vacuum cleaner cable?

Someone from 🇦🇱 has bookmarked:

Taking my heart off my sleeve, I fold it up neatly and carefully place it back inside my chest.

Someone from 🇰🇪 has viewed:

Not to brag, but my best yoga pose is awkward facing dog.

Someone from 🇩🇲 has shared:

Caught a belt loop on a door handle and got yanked back with such force that my audio is no longer in sync with my actions.

Someone from 🇧🇦 has viewed:

I try not to laugh at my own jokes, but we all know I’m hilarious.

Someone from 🇹🇱 has bookmarked:

My favorite color is sunshine.

Someone from 🇦🇸 has bookmarked:

Hobosexual. A person who dates you with the sole interest of having a place to stay.

Someone from 🇬🇹 has viewed:

Mondays have a black belt in psychological warfare.

Someone from 🇩🇰 has viewed:

Missionary, so we can discuss how 15 min can save us 15% or more on car insurance.

Someone from 🇱🇮 has shared:

20’s: what even is a hangover? 40’s: puts on sunglasses to open fridge…

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Feb 3, 2026

3,650

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on TikTok:

My husband told me that he used my sock trick on a recent trip, so he wouldn’t lose any. Reader, my “sock trick” is rolling matching pairs together.

Shared recently on WeChat:

My cat runs a secret cult. I just pay the rent.

Spotted on LinkedIn:

The lion does not concern himself with divorce papers.

Broadcasted on Reddit:

Nothing makes me more stabby than when my husband ignores me and starts talking to the dog.

Just landed via Facebook:

If my dog knew how many photos I have of him sleeping, he’d file a restraining order against me.

Making waves on LinkedIn:

On my way to Mordor. You nerds need anything?

Going viral on TikTok:

Couples who finish each other’s sentences have killed before and will kill again.

Just landed via Slack:

I need a vacation, but the kind where everyone else leaves, and I have my house to myself for a few days.

Spotted on WeChat:

Whenever you are feeling down, remember you’re the sperm that won.

Shared recently on Snapchat:

Imagine if we had to worry about dinosaurs too, on top of everything else.

How quickly family vacations go from “Omg, we only have 4 days left” to “Omg, we still have 4 days left”

5 days ago

Witty text highlighting the funny shift in family vacation countdowns.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Ah, the classic time warp of family vacations – where days feel like minutes until suddenly they start to feel like eons. It's the ultimate test of patience and togetherness, all wrapped up in a sunscreen-scented package. Just remember, every day is a new opportunity for more sunscreen mishaps and memorable family moments!"

anticipation, day, disappointment, expectation, family, fun, humor, time, travel, vacation

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

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Social Media Stars ⭐

36 shares on X this month:

Netflix needs to stop asking if I’m still watching and start asking if I moved the laundry to the dryer yet.

55 shares on Twitch this month:

Just be good and kind to your children. Not only are they the future of the world, they’re the ones who can sign you into a home.

51 shares on WeChat this month:

It’s really important to stay hydrated at work, so you can take as many 10-minute-long bathroom breaks as possible.

29 shares on Discord this month:

The collective noun for a group of reply guys is an audacity.

99 shares on Facebook this month:

Remember that your face is literally a combination of hundreds of generations of people who fell in love!

16 shares on Slack this month:

In the 80s, you could literally shrink your kids with a shrink-ray, and your wife wouldn’t divorce you. I’m pretty sure I saw a documentary film about it.

45 shares on Pinterest this month:

You can’t convince me that 2020 didn’t open a portal to hell that we’re still living in.

38 shares on Telegram this month:

Imagine you’re on jury duty and the courtroom sketch artist draws stink lines above you.

76 shares on Messenger this month:

The man who invented autocorrect walks into a barn. He orders a bear.

99 shares on Threads this month:

American Feng Shui is when the grill doesn’t wobble.

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

16 folks are currently checking 👀

Sorry that I cannot come out drinking with you tonight, as I will be drinking at home. Alone. By myself.

16 folks are currently checking 👀

I realized being an adult is just feeling too tired to function, and then functioning.

16 folks are currently checking 👀

Cupid’s arrow should have just killed me instead.

9 folks are currently checking 👀

Girls ask for help to open a jar, but can throw a couch during an argument.

23 folks are currently checking 👀

Having children is like living in a frat house – nobody sleeps, everything’s broken, and there’s a lot of throwing up.

16 folks are currently checking 👀

Just because I can’t sing doesn’t mean I won’t sing.

14 folks are currently checking 👀

Billionaires didn’t get rich by working harder. They got rich by making sure you work harder, get paid less, and spend more.

17 folks are currently checking 👀

Nobody is more stressed than a person who has a lot of interests or passions and is still confused about their career.

25 folks are currently checking 👀

“Are you getting your period?” God forbid I’m just evil.

13 folks are currently checking 👀

My bed is a magical place where I suddenly remember everything I forgot to do.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,295

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇱🇰 has bookmarked:

I pretend I don’t care about stuff, but that’s only because I have no idea what’s going on around me at any given time.

Someone from 🇨🇭 has bookmarked:

If I’m reading my Twitter feed correctly, Jennifer Aniston killed JFK.

Someone from 🇧🇷 has viewed:

Riding a bike is an insane concept. You just sit and run at the same time.

Someone from 🇹🇬 has downloaded:

Forget mini pizzas. I want one so big it needs a forklift to rotate it.

Someone from 🇸🇨 has bookmarked:

If a woman says “Do what you want!”, then for God’s sake don’t do what you want!

Someone from 🇬🇦 has shared:

I don’t really do one-night stands, but I will do, like, 3-8 months of a semi-toxic, undefined relationship that wastes my time and ruins my life.

Someone from 🇮🇷 has shared:

Wake me when AI does housework.

Someone from 🇺🇾 has downloaded:

I’m going to start walking around in my yard all day in a bathrobe so my neighbors will build that privacy fence I always wanted.

Someone from 🇧🇿 has copied:

WhatsApp calls should indicate whose internet is poor to avoid unnecessary arguments.

Someone from 🇺🇸 has bookmarked:

Sorry I left you on read, I didn’t mean to open it just yet.

Social Media Log 💫

Spreading quickly via Telegram:

I saw God in a dream and all he did was brag about making Pedro Pascal.

Spotted on Twitch:

Why is incognito mode always associated with freaky shit? I use it to search up very obvious questions, so there’s no record of me looking dumb.

Going viral on X:

The difference between the Olympic village and a normal village is that not everyone in the Olympic village is related to each other.

Spreading quickly via Reddit:

Europeans read a lot because their television shows suck.

Just shared via TikTok:

I’m in my thirties, but I still feel like I am in my twenties; then I hang out with people in their twenties, and I’m like nope, definitely in my thirties.

Freshly posted on Twitch:

Not to brag, but I skipped my mid-life crisis and went straight to cranky old man.

Shared recently on Snapchat:

Don’t tell me what to do unless you are naked.

Shared recently on Telegram:

My life advice is always the same. Wait for karma, but take up kickboxing, just in case.

Seen just now on WeChat:

I keep screenshots the way my husband keeps old cords, stored neatly away until the day I might need them.

Live now on Threads:

I would rather lose you than the argument.

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