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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇺🇬 has copied:

I’m not fat. I just eat in advance.

Someone from 🇧🇫 has downloaded:

I just hit the back arrow on a website, and it took me to a page that said, “Before you leave.” No. I already made the decision.

Someone from 🇸🇴 has downloaded:

Limiting my replies to introverts, wizards, freaks and vampires only.

Someone from 🇿🇼 has downloaded:

I just read a thing that said I should compliment myself on my decisions, regardless of the outcome. No thanks, I’m not the government.

Someone from 🇱🇰 has viewed:

I wish you could put your whole life on do not disturb.

Someone from 🇲🇩 has bookmarked:

I like riding by myself so I can replay 1 song 111 times with no complaints.

Someone from 🇵🇱 has shared:

How dare you say I’m crazy on the eve of my cat’s wedding?

Someone from 🇸🇩 has shared:

I’m not super into getting older but I do like how nobody asks me to help them move anymore.

Someone from 🇮🇶 has downloaded:

Told a couple of jokes at a Zoom meeting. Turns out I’m not even remotely funny.

Someone from 🇸🇹 has bookmarked:

I don’t simply want to kill a mosquito; I want to bite them back over and over to make them itch.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

799 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

10,961

Funny Quotes Topics

13,930

Funny Quotes Images

10,961

60 minutes ago

3,432

Social Media Log 💫

Seen just now on WeChat:

Oh, I shouldn’t worry? Why didn’t I think of that?

Just landed via X:

Had salad for the third night in a row and now I get why you’re so angry, vegans.

Going viral on Snapchat:

Brushing your teeth at night is a hellish chore. Walking from bed to bathroom feels harder than working in the mines all day. I’m getting pissed just thinking about it.

Shared recently on TikTok:

I’m writing a parenting book called ‘Kids won’t listen until you scream like your mother did’.

Freshly posted on WeChat:

I’m not bothered if you don’t like me, awesomeness isn’t for everyone.

Freshly posted on Twitch:

Welcome to your 40s: that “teenager”over there is actually 27.

Breaking via Messenger:

I would do absolutely anything for my friends, except answer their text messages.

Broadcasted on WhatsApp:

Mud season creeps up on us every year, destroying hearts and minds as well as light grey carpeting.

Seen just now on Slack:

Every weekend has two days: Saturday and It’s Monday Tomorrow.

Just landed via Twitch:

Sometimes the best thing about my job is that my chair turns.

Human hibernation should be a thing.

6 months ago

Human hibernation should be a thing.

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Commentary:
Oh, wouldn't that be bear-y nice? 🐻💤 Imagine snuggling up in your cozy den all winter long, emerging in spring with a fresh batch of dad jokes and questionable dance moves! 😂 Let's petition to make human hibernation the latest trend – we could all use a break from adulting sometimes! 💁‍♂️💤

concept, hibernation, human, idea, relaxation, should, sleep, thing, winter

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

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Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Trending Funny Quotes 📈

Hot Funny Quotes 🔥

Trending Topics 📁

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

799 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

10,961

Funny Quotes Topics

13,930

Funny Quotes Images

10,961

60 minutes ago

3,447

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇹🇱 has bookmarked:

Me: Maybe it’s the weed talking but your apartment seems enormous. IKEA Manager: Sir.

Someone from 🇱🇰 has shared:

Don’t wait until you’re on your death bed to let them know how you feel. You may be too weak to raise your middle finger.

Someone from 🇭🇷 has bookmarked:

Why the hell is it called the restroom? I am fighting for my life in here.

Someone from 🇹🇩 has bookmarked:

When you’re over 40 and a part of your body starts hurting for no reason that is nature sending a “what ya doing?” text.

Someone from 🇪🇬 has viewed:

That awkward moment, when all eyes are on the bride, but your son is the groom.

Someone from 🇱🇰 has downloaded:

I’ll let you guys know if the psych ward has wifi.

Someone from 🇨🇩 has downloaded:

Asking Santa Claus for nudes.

Someone from 🇫🇲 has shared:

I don’t need a New Year’s resolution, it’s the year’s turn to be better.

Someone from 🇨🇿 has downloaded:

Karma not moving fast enough for me. I would hate to handle it myself, Lord.

Someone from 🇱🇺 has bookmarked:

I would never be comfortable delivering a baby. I can’t even remove an avocado pit without dropping it.

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via LinkedIn:

The fastest mammal on earth is the smartass on the web.

Seen just now on Slack:

I kind of enjoy living in a world where I can end a conversation by simply not texting back.

Spotted on Messenger:

If I ever have a daughter, I’m going to call her Erica, but spell it Airwrecka.

Going viral on WhatsApp:

Solitude never hits you with unsolicited opinions.

Trending via X:

Living your life to the fullest does not have to involve selfies with bison.

Breaking via Discord:

I don’t mind being the villain in your story because you’re a clown in mine.

Spotted on Threads:

People make the mistake of keeping aubergines in the fridge, when in fact they should be kept in the bin.

Trending via X:

My acting reel includes clips of me “listening” during Zoom meetings.

Just landed via Facebook:

Beavers are also just otters that have learned carpentry.

Spreading quickly via Instagram:

Stranger: Your children are angels. Me: So was the devil.

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