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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇲🇦 has viewed:

The worst person to share a room with is someone who puts on 10 alarms 2 mins apart each, and wakes up at none.

Someone from 🇵🇪 has downloaded:

Bringing a fitted sheet to a knife fight.

Someone from 🇮🇩 has downloaded:

Welcome to my very loose interpretation of ‘functioning adult’.

Someone from 🇩🇰 has bookmarked:

My red flag is that I don’t make playlists on Spotify. I just add every song I’ve ever liked to the ‘Liked Songs’ playlist and shuffle that, like an iPod.

Someone from 🇱🇻 has shared:

Deleted old Tweets just in case I date a very famous woman with rabid fans.

Someone from 🇦🇷 has viewed:

They should invent a grocery store that’s just for me and no one else.

Someone from 🇧🇦 has shared:

The older I get, the easier it is for me to look at a situation and say: “Yeahhh, I’m out.”

Someone from 🇨🇺 has downloaded:

Weird me out? No. You’ve weirded me in. Let’s merge souls.

Someone from 🇵🇭 has bookmarked:

Breaking news: you’re way less interesting than you think you are.

Someone from 🇷🇺 has bookmarked:

Call me constipated the way I don’t give a shit.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Feb 3, 2026

3,423

Social Media Log 💫

Spotted on Discord:

Sometimes happiness is just having a good night’s sleep.

Spotted on TikTok:

I’m now at the age where sitting cross-legged on the floor is punishable by about three days of full-body paralysis.

Broadcasted on Messenger:

Technically, all restaurants are drive-thru, it just depends how committed to the task you are.

Live now on WhatsApp:

Home is where you can walk around like a bum.

Live now on Threads:

Having a horse run off on you in medieval times must have been crazy. Imagine if your car got scared and ran away, and you found it a day later by itself at a gas station.

Broadcasted on Instagram:

The shitshow must go on.

Just shared via Instagram:

I need someone to convince me into or out of buying a jetski. I can’t keep living in this purgatory.

Spotted on WhatsApp:

I hate to break it to you, guys, but my husband says you’re not real. He just called you my imaginary friends.

Trending via WhatsApp:

Bruschetta is 80% delicious and 20% mess.

Just shared via Facebook:

I think I’m emotionally constipated because I haven’t given a shit in months.

I always say “morning” instead of “good morning”, because if it was a good morning, I’d still be asleep.

1 week ago

Witty text about preferring to sleep over greeting a good morning.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Who needs a good morning when you can just have a morning, right? I mean, let's be realistic here – who among us can truly claim every morning is a good one? I'll stick to just acknowledging the fact that I'm awake, thank you very much!"

asleep, good, good morning, humor, morning, morning routine, routine, sarcasm, sleep, wakefulness

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

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Social Media Stars ⭐

83 shares on Telegram this month:

Engaging in deforestation (trimming my bush).

72 shares on YouTube this month:

Girlfriend is temporary, ex-girlfriend is forever.

50 shares on Messenger this month:

Work again? Really? Didn’t I just do that yesterday?

88 shares on Threads this month:

I should get paid a lot more for being the boss of me.

36 shares on Telegram this month:

I’m looking forward to tomorrow. It’ll be much like today, but different enough to confuse me.

19 shares on Twitch this month:

I saved a ton of money on a security system by stealing my neighbor’s.

40 shares on Twitch this month:

Career anxiety hitting at random hours of the day.

12 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Tomorrow isn’t promised, so eat that cake today.

66 shares on Snapchat this month:

Sometimes my greatest accomplishment is keeping my mouth shut.

97 shares on Slack this month:

They should invent a rom-com where no one has to overhear anything that leads to a huge unnecessary misunderstanding.

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

7 folks are currently checking 👀

I would like to unsubscribe from all responsibilities, please and thank you.

14 folks are currently checking 👀

Back in the good old days, we didn’t have to trim our toenails, they just got wore down naturally from running from dinosaurs.

22 folks are currently checking 👀

Do you mind if I wear my black T-shirt covered in pet hair to your fine dining establishment?

10 folks are currently checking 👀

Can you imagine how awkward it would be if your pet went on your phone and found the 1,000 pictures you have of them sleeping.

7 folks are currently checking 👀

I refuse to learn the color coding for heart emojis. Your heart means what I want it to, and vice versa.

11 folks are currently checking 👀

If I found E.T., I would’ve developed his jump shot.

25 folks are currently checking 👀

Mirror, mirror on the wall, why so many fingerprints?

21 folks are currently checking 👀

You learn a lot about someone when you marry them. For example, I learned I should have married someone else.

10 folks are currently checking 👀

I don’t like this new trend of old people wearing shirts of bands I listened to when I was a kid.

15 folks are currently checking 👀

Everybody loves that comfort food until you end up with that comfort body.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,677

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇦🇺 has shared:

Guys with grey in their beards will do that thing you like.

Someone from 🇵🇪 has viewed:

A haunted house, but it’s just all apps and websites where you got logged out but can’t remember your password.

Someone from 🇰🇼 has viewed:

I bought some coconut shampoo today. I got halfway home before I thought, “I don’t even have a coconut!”

Someone from 🇹🇻 has viewed:

My favorite thing to do on the weekend is not leave my house.

Someone from 🇫🇯 has viewed:

This cop is parked illegally behind me with his lights on. I’m going to say something.

Someone from 🇧🇧 has shared:

Blocking someone isn’t enough, I also want them to get lice.

Someone from 🇪🇷 has downloaded:

I want my children to have all the things I couldn’t afford. Then I want to move in with them.

Someone from 🇵🇪 has copied:

What an embarrassing time to be alive.

Someone from 🇫🇯 has downloaded:

Relationship status: I love my bed.

Someone from 🇸🇮 has copied:

If you don’t laugh at my jokes then I will.

Social Media Log 💫

Trending via WhatsApp:

My kids couldn’t care less about personal hygiene unless we are running late somewhere.

Just landed via Slack:

That moment when a zombie out for brains walks past you.

Breaking via TikTok:

Don’t worry, baby, the back pain is because your wings are growing.

Just landed via Reddit:

The Welsh language was invented by a dad losing at Scrabble.

Going viral on Snapchat:

I support Bluesky in theory, but in practice, it’s like a JRPG with no bad guys.

Shared recently on Messenger:

The goal is to make your therapist cry.

Freshly posted on Pinterest:

Iced coffee and crying, the most Californian afternoon.

Trending via Reddit:

Tomorrow isn’t promised, we need to flirt today.

Breaking via Telegram:

They should make the last foot of dental floss red so you know when you’re about to run out.

Making waves on Reddit:

Everyone hates on Gollum but he had the right idea: become a hermit, collect jewels, swim naked in lakes and pools, occasionally hiss at people who try to make you go places.

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