I was feeling kinda lonely this morning so I glued a coffee cup to the top of my car so people would wave at me.

I modeled my morning routine on the humble rooster. Wake up, scream, wander around.

I hate the saying: “Get up, the sun is shining!” What am I supposed to do? Photosynthesis?

Oh, you drink black coffee? Tell your ulcer I said good morning.

I could be a morning person, if morning was sometime around noon.

Good morning, dickhead, your little ray of sarcastic sunshine has arrived.

Don’t tell me about Stockholm Syndrome, I woke up at 6 AM on my first day of vacation wondering how things were going at work.

My bed wasn’t feeling well this morning, so I had to stay home to take care of it.

I’ve never been to hell, but I once forgot to buy batteries for the toys on Christmas morning. The sound is still ringing in my ears.

There’s nothing more satisfying than the little nap you have after hitting snooze on your alarm.

Ah coffee. The sweet balm by which we shall accomplish today’s tasks.

I’m not sure how long my body can handle this “getting out of bed early in the morning” nonsense.

How can I be ready for the future when I’m not even ready to get up in the morning?

I always say “morning” instead of “good morning”, because if it was a good morning, I’d still be asleep.

I didn’t believe in karma until I was scheduled to work at 6am on a holiday.

That moment your alarm clock goes off in the morning and you don’t know whether to get dressed or fake an illness.

I like my coffee so strong that it wakes up the neighbors.

Nothing ruins my day quite like getting out of bed and dealing with people.

Coffee and more coffee is a perfect combo.

Good morning only to those who duel at dawn, drink at dusk, and haunt their lovers in between.

My first thought upon waking up in the morning is “not again”.

I hate it when I turn on the car in the morning and the music starts blasting… It’s like, woah, I’m not the same person I was last night.

I changed my alarm clock sound to an applause, it’s the least I deserve for waking up at 7am.

I’m only awake because my coffee needs me.

Who you are before you have your coffee is the real you.